Toxic
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: Bella & Peter have done it all - friendship, dating, bed buddies, and every confusing fluctuation in between. They eventually come to accept that they just don't work together, but that sexual chemistry never goes away... AH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to my newest little venture! This was meant to be a brief, random o/s, but the story just kept coming (that's what she said), so it will be a short multi-chapter. It's highly unlikely that future chapters will be as long as this one.**

**I hope you enjoy the Peter/Bella combo. I made a Peter C2, so if you have any additions, please send me links or author/titles!**

**This story is not beta'd b/c it's a side project for me, and I'm simply too impatient to wait to post. I apologize for any mistakes you may find.**

**All recognizable characters, products, and lyrics are the property of their respective owner. I simply enjoy writing Twi-fic & no copyright infringement is intended.**

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Peter.

Peter fucking Cox.

I love him, I hate him, I want him, I need to stay away from him.

It's always been that way. It's always been Peter and me, and for almost as long as I've known him, we've been toxic.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It all began in college. When my mom was laid off and Washington put a freeze on all state employees' pay, we could no longer afford the tuition at my fancy, private school. It was impossible to cover the difference in grants and loans, so the second semester of my sophomore year, I transferred to state school. It wasn't as though it was a bad school, it was just different. Bigger campus, larger class sizes, and so many more people, not to mention the city atmosphere instead of school in the 'burbs.

My parents were guilt-stricken, but I did my best to make the most of the change. When Mom learned that there was a chapter of her sorority on campus, she insisted that I join. To be honest, I hadn't been interested in Greek life at my old school. I didn't mind the whole scene, and I had plenty of friends who were Greek, but there was no single group that I felt drawn to. I was content and happy as a GDI. That all changed, though. I attended rush, or recruitment as they now called it, and I got to meet the Kappa Delta girls. As it turned out, I really liked them a lot.

I wasn't surprised when I received their bid. I had gotten along with all the girls I met at their recruitment parties, and it seemed as though they were taken with me as well. Of course, I knew that, as a legacy to their sorority, they couldn't deny me membership if I was interested. It was some crazy Panhellenic rule for daughters and sisters of alumna. In the end, my legacy status didn't really matter. After I joined, a number of sisters assured me that I would have received a bid even if I wasn't a legacy. It made me feel good about my decision and about myself.

That was how I met Alice. She way my year, but she had been a KD since freshman year. She was sweet and charming, and we clicked immediately. Alice would have been difficult _not_ to like. She just had this aura around her that drew people to her. She had more energy than anyone I had ever met, and she was just so damn likable. There really wasn't any other way to put it. She was genuinely kind to everyone, smart, pretty, and a member of practically every club on campus.

Having been "adopted" by Alice, I was introduced to everyone she knew. This included her boyfriend, Jasper. He was a tall drink of fuckhot with honey blond surfer hair and a slight southern accent, and his charm could definitely rival Alice's. They seemed like an odd couple at first glance. Where Alice was bubbly and active, Jasper was laid back and reserved. He wasn't quiet by any means, but in comparison, they were completely different.

As I got to know my new friends, I could see what drew them to one another. When Alice overwhelmed herself with her busy schedule and many obligations, Jasper calmed and centered her. For him, she made sure he didn't take life too seriously.

A few weeks into the semester, I went to a party with Alice and Jasper. It was no secret at my previous school that I was a party girl, but I hadn't let that side of myself show since transferring. I wanted people to get to know me sober first. Sure, it's fun to make friends while you're partying, but that's not how genuine friendships are formed. If they do, it's a rarity, at least in my experience. The last thing I needed at a new school and with a new sorority was a bad reputation. Furthermore, I needed to establish a network of people I could trust before I went and got drunk around a mass of strangers. It's important to look out for each other under those circumstances, and I didn't want to partake if there weren't people I could trust to stick with me.

So I went, and it was a lot of fun. The party was at a large house shared by six guys on the soccer team. They were Jasper's teammates, and damn, did they throw a fun kegger.

The house was packed. People played beer pong in the dining room, flip cup and cards in the bedrooms, and danced in the basement. The common areas were filled with people mingling and talking, each with a blue plastic cup in hand.

Alice and I had taken a trip to the bathroom at some point, and when we returned to the room we had been in, Jasper was gone. We stumbled about, feeling buzzed and silly, trying not to trip in our heeled shoes. We spotted Jasper in the hall and stopped when we met him. As he and Alice embraced, I glanced into an open bedroom, curious to see what everyone in that room was doing.

That's when I first saw him.

Tall, dark hair, strong features... I couldn't see the color of his eyes in the dim lighting, but they were happy eyes. I liked that. And his shoulders... Fuck. Me. They were broad, square, and pure sex. There were no words to describe how attracted I was to his shoulders.

My first instinct, of course, was to go jump on that, but I didn't think it would be good form to mount a stranger, at least not without introducing myself first. When I finally noticed what they were doing in that room, I walked in and placed my hand on his forearm.

"Can I have next?" I asked sweetly, grinning up at him.

"Sure thing, doll," he replied with a wink.

That voice... My panties dissolved, I swear. Smooth, alluring, and perfectly matched to his sexy appearance.

A few moments later, the beer bong was filled, and he held it up, allowing me to slide my thumb into the tube. Once everything was set, I dropped to one knee quickly, swallowing the contents down in a few brief seconds.

"Holy fuck!" a guy yelled from somewhere in the room. Everyone else around us erupted in their own cheers as well.

My eyes were trained on the new object of my obsession as I stood. He held out a hand to help me up, and even though I didn't need it, I slipped my hand into his just to feel him. Our eyes were locked, and I finally saw that his were a deep, bright blue that had me swooning.

"Pretty damn good there," he said with a smile. "That was impressive."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Not bad for a first timer, huh?"

For a moment, I had him. His eyes widened in disbelief, but he quickly caught on to my joke and laughed with me. One of the other guys joined us, demanding that I do it again so they could time me.

"Hey, someone go ask Greenley if he has a stopwatch somewhere."

As the next beer was poured, we stood together watching someone else prepare for their turn.

"Seriously, that was awesome," he complimented me. "Fastest girl I've ever seen."

"Faster than most guys, too," I added proudly.

"I don't doubt that. So what's your name?"

I smiled happily, bringing out my most flirtatious grin. "I'm Bella. You?"

"Peter Cox."

"_Shut. Up._" I laughed, slapping my hand over my mouth. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, but are you serious?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Oh, childhood must have been rough."

"Yeah, for a while," he quipped. "Now most people find it pretty entertaining. Gotta love that."

"Wait," I said suddenly, looking at him seriously. "Peter? Like, Jasper's roommate?"

His eyebrows pushed together for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah, you know him?"

"Uh huh, I'm friends with Alice. I've actually heard a lot about you."

"I wish I could say the same," he replied, smiling flirtatiously at me. To my surprise, it didn't feel like a line or some drunken come-on. I truly believed him.

Unfortunately, that was the precise moment that Alice and Jasper noticed my absence and joined me next to Peter. They confirmed that we had met, and the four of us chatted for a few minutes while someone else took over on the beer bong. Everyone in the room took turns being timed, and the fastest drinkers were noted. When my turn came around again, it was confirmed that I was, in fact, the fastest girl. Actually, I was faster than most of the guys as well, with the exception of Jasper and Peter. They were both fractions of a second quicker than me, but we all fell under four seconds.

After four turns on the beer bong, not to mention the few I had consumed earlier in the night, the rest of the party started to blur together. I remember hanging out with Peter, Jasper, and Alice for the rest of the night and having a lot of fun. We stayed in that room until it was time to go home, talking and laughing together about anything and everything.

I had an instant crush on Peter. Had he not been Jasper's roommate, I probably would have attacked him, but I didn't want to create any awkward situations with my friends.

When we decided that it was time to head home, the guys walked us back to our dorm before trekking across campus to theirs.

The next few times I saw Peter were under similar circumstances. There was always drinking, casual time spent together, and some mild flirtation. The attraction was most definitely there between us, but he never made a move. In all honestly, it confused me. I wasn't used to being turned down, and though he wasn't necessarily doing that by his lack of pursuit, the sentiment felt the same to me. With the undeniable chemistry we shared and how well we got along, I couldn't understand why he didn't want to take things further.

Not one to back down from a challenge, I amped up the flirting. I purposely placed myself near him when our friends all hung out at parties. My touches would linger on his arm or back, I would occasionally stroke his face or whisper close to his ear, and I smiled non-stop. The clothes I chose for the nights Peter was around were provocative, but not too revealing. If I showed a hint of cleavage, I made sure to pair it with snug jeans; if I wore a short skirt to show off my legs and ass, my top would be less suggestive. Peter responded to my actions in small ways. I saw the way he lustfully stared at me while I swayed and shimmied on the dance floor with Alice. Whenever I saw his eyes appraising my body or giving me the once-twice-thrice-over, I was filled with smug pride. We spent plenty of time together, and while he did place his hands on me from time to time, it wasn't in the way I desired the most.

After a while, that part became a major blow to my ego. Sure, I could have made the first move, but by that point I _needed_ him to be the one to start something. I had to know that he felt the burning sexual tension that I did enough to lose control and just do _something _about it. My frustration grew because I had given up countless opportunities for hook-ups or at least some no strings make out at the parties. I wasn't the type to sleep with everything that had a penis, but I liked to have fun, and I wasn't ashamed of that.

My irritation came to a head near mid-semester. I had devoted so much time to getting Peter's attention that I realized I hadn't done more than kiss anyone else since we met. A group of us, including Alice, Jasper, and Peter, went to a party at a fraternity we only visited occasionally, and I quickly ditched my friends, Peter in particular, for a hot guy I knew from one of my classes. He was a member of that frat, so I received premium access to the booze, which I took advantage of happily. Before long, I was grinding on frat boy on the dance floor, allowing him to grope my ass while I rubbed myself against him and sucked on his lips as if there weren't a hundred other people surrounding us.

Later in the night, I found my friends so that I could tell Alice I was going to stay at the house that night. She questioned my decision, but I told her not to worry. I was a big girl who could take care of myself. It wouldn't be the first time I did something like that, and I was well aware of my decision, alcohol running through my veins or not. To my smug satisfaction, Peter pulled me aside after I spoke to Alice.

"Bella, why don't you just come back to campus with us when we leave?" he said, furrowing his brow as he spoke.

I laughed sharply, shaking my head at him. "Because I don't _want _to go back to campus tonight, Petey. I want to have fun, thanks," I snarked.

When he scowled at my snippy response, I simply winked and returned to Mr. Right Now. Outside, I was cool and confident, but inside I was seething. How dare he try to cockblock me, especially after all the time I'd wasted pursuing him. I didn't dislike Peter, but I was pissed at him - for denying me and for his attempt to make decisions for me.

While I allowed Peter to think I was going to screw the hell out of my new friend that night, things didn't go quite that way. I let him explore my body for hour, enjoying a few orgasms in the process, then I gave him a quick hand job and passed out. Sex just wasn't especially tempting that night.

One week later was the final night before spring break. I headed to Jasper's friends' house with Alice on that Thursday evening, the same place where I had met Peter. I wasn't sure if he would be there, but it was likely. Everyone was celebrating before dealing with the last day of classes they had to endure prior to vacation. I hadn't spoken to Peter since our ill-fated, brief conversation five days earlier, and at that point, I had little interest in him. Of course, there was a part of me that still wanted to see him just because, but my fiery, bitter side hoped to avoid him that night.

Unsurprisingly, it was like Peter was everywhere at the party. If I went into the kitchen to pour a beer, he was close behind. When I walked into a bedroom to socialize or greet people I knew, he always seemed to be in that room already, causing me to turn around and find somewhere else to hang out.

Halfway through the night, I nearly jumped out of my skin when one strong arm wrapped around my waist and the other curved over my shoulder, dangling a bottle of Crown Royal in my face.

"Care to share?" a voice said huskily in my ear, and I recognized him immediately. A knee-weakening shudder coursed through me as his warm breath swept over my neck.

I turned to face him, but he didn't move, forcing us into a near embrace. "Oh, hey Peter...."

"You mad at me?" he asked, pulling me closer. I looked up at him and was met with a sexy line of stubble running over his jaw.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in question. _I _knew why I was upset with him, but I wanted to find out if he truly understood.

He smiled tightly. "I was a jerk last weekend. I'm sorry," he said, and the look in his eyes was sincere. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right and not just doing something because you were drunk."

"Thank you. Not that it's your business, though."

"No?"

"No."

"But isn't that what friends are for?" he countered.

"Who says we're friends?" I teased.

He dangled the bottle of liquor in my face once more. "That hurts, Bella. I don't share my favorite with people who aren't my friends."

We laughed together, and I felt the tension between us dissolve as he took my hand and led me into one of his friend's bedroom. The door had been closed and no one was inside, surprisingly. He walked behind a homemade bar, flicked on a set of rope lights that lined the bar, and pulled two shot glasses from below. I perched on a barstool on the opposite side, watching as he opened the bottle and poured a shot for each of us without spilling a drop.

"To spring break," he said with a smile, holding his small glass out toward me. I picked mine up as well, clicking it against his before tapping it on the bar and swallowing it quickly. He sipped his beer quickly after drinking the whiskey, then gave me a peculiar look when I didn't do the same.

"What?" I asked.

"No chaser, badass?"

"Nah," I shook my head. "That's my favorite, too. No chaser necessary."

He came around the bar then, sliding onto the other barstool and turning to face me. We sat that way and talked through five more shots. He asked about my spring break plans, which I had none of considering my family's money crunch at the time. He said he was flying San Francisco to see some friends who went to school there.

With each drink, we seemed to get closer to one another. Our stools had long since been turned to face one another, our knees brushing together at first. By the time we took our last shot, we had scooted our stools together, and our legs were zigzagged, our thighs sandwiched in the other's. He placed a hand on my knee, so I mirrored his action. He stared into my eyes, then at my lips. I copied him, licking my lips in the process. I was sure this was our moment. We were alone, touching, so fucking close. Drunk and uninhibited, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him to me until our foreheads met.

"Peter..." I whispered, surprised at how sultry my voice sounded.

"Uh huh?" he stuttered, and I was taken aback by how nervous the sound was.

We were so close. I wanted him. The temptation to push my lips forward and meet his was nearly unbearable, but I just needed him to do it first. After all my flirting and attempts to gain his attention, the moment would be ruined unless it was his choice.

I thought that he was going to do it. All he needed was to close the minute gap between our mouths...but he didn't.

"Bella," he whispered, fanning my lips with his whiskey breath.

My fingers curled at the back of his neck, rubbing encouragingly.

"I can't." Abruptly, he pulled himself away from me and off his stool.

Stunned, I gaped at him, my mouth hanging open slightly as he shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, but I didn't respond. Instead, I pushed myself up, standing on wobbly legs and immediately heading for the door.

I was angry, hurt, and embarrassed. What the fuck was going on between us and what had I done wrong? I wanted to understand, but at the same time, the last thing I wanted to do was think about him anymore. Without saying a word, I moved toward the door, leaving my empty beer cup behind. Just as I had the door open a couple inches, his hand flattened against it over my head, slamming it shut.

"What the..." I began, but my words were cut off when he spun me around forcefully and shoved me against the door.

Before I could think, react, or...anything, he was smashing my face with his. The kiss I'd been dying for was finally happening, but it was not at all like I had imagined. This was harsh, greedy, and needful. His mouth was literally attacking mine, snapping at my lips, tugging them harshly, and forcing his tongue into my mouth. There was nothing I could do but comply. I had wanted this for so long, and I was going to take it however I could.

Moaning against his lips, I placed my hands on the back of his head, pulling his short hair between my fingers. His response was similar as he fisted my hair, using it as reins to guide my face wherever he wanted it.

"Oh...god," I groaned when he sucked hard on the little dip behind my ear, just at the edge of my jaw. The sensation went straight to pants, leaving a wake of goosebumps and pert nipples behind.

"Fuck, Bella," he growled, rubbing the entire length his body against mine, pressing me into the door so hard it was a bit painful, but I didn't care because I was sandwiched between it and _him_, and that was what I really wanted. It was as though we couldn't get close enough, at least not like that.

We were kissing hard, fast, and hungrily when he pulled away again without warning. My entire body reacted to his absence, reaching out for him to return and finish what he had started.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at the floor. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Why?" I asked in confusion. Yet again, I wondered what I had done wrong to make him react that way.

"God, I'm such a fucking asshole," he muttered, but I couldn't tell if he was speaking to me or chastising himself with those words.

"Peter?"

"Bella, I'm really sorry. Seriously," he said. The pleading tone confused me further. Finally, he met my eyes and spoke again, quickly looking over my head when he was finished. "I can't...I have...there's...I have a girlfriend."

"What?" I exclaimed. "Who? Since when?" I demanded.

He shook his head. "A while. She doesn't go to school here."

Without thinking, I turned again, opening the door as quickly as my shaking hands could manage. He didn't stop me that time, and though I was feigning anger, I was crushed. Somehow, I managed to hold my tears in until I slipped out the backdoor of the house. Once the tepid April air hit me, I fell apart. The entire situation with Peter felt like a monumental mindfuck, and all I wanted to do was get back to my room so I could curl up in my warm blankets and sleep away the terrible cocktail of emotions I was feeling.

I didn't mention the disaster to Alice. Thankfully, we had to leave campus for spring break, and by the time we came back to school, any suspicion she may have had about where I disappeared to and what I was doing that night were gone. I'm sure she and Jasper both saw the way Peter and I flirted, and who knows what Peter may or may not have said about me to his best friend and roommate. I always avoided speaking of Peter in any way that was more than platonic to Alice, but she was intuitive. I think that same sense was what kept her from prying; she knew that it wasn't a topic that was open for discussion.

Break was a wreck. I couldn't help but spend more than half my time thinking of Peter and replaying that last night in my mind. I didn't want to think about him. I was upset that he had kept that from me, even if we weren't really social outside of the party scene at school. If he was going to flirt and play with me, I should have been informed of his status. And why wouldn't Jasper say something about it if he noticed the chemistry between the two of us? As much as I tried to push away thoughts of that hot-as-hell, brief make out session, it was impossible. Peter's gorgeous blue eyes were branded in my mind, along with the lingering sensation of his forceful kisses. I wore my hair down all week long to cover the deep purple mark he had left below my ear. There was no way I could get away from the memories of him.

I hated him for infiltrating my mind and especially for doing so when he wasn't even available.

The week off school passed quickly enough, but I wasn't sure if I was grateful for that or not. Returning would mean inevitably seeing Peter again, and I didn't feel prepared for that encounter. I was dying to know how he would react to me, but I feared more anger or possible awkwardness. I even wondered if he would blame me for tempting him when he was committed to someone else.

Back at school, I did the only thing I could to stay sane - I avoided Peter. I knew that I just needed to cool off for a while. It would be impossible for me to remain friends with Alice, Jasper, and all the other mutual acquaintances I had met and never see Peter, so I needed to find a way to deal with him. Even though nothing actually happened between us until right before break, I felt as if he had led me on. I obviously wasn't mistaken about our mutual attraction, as he had proved, but he should have been up front with me about his girlfriend, or at the very least, not acted on that desire.

After a while, I began to wonder if it was just the liquor. We had both taken a lot of shots in a fairly short period of time, not the mention the beers we had drank as well. Every other interaction we'd had since meeting was at a party, even if we started the evening together sober. Alcohol always fueled and intensified the interaction, riddling it with sexual innuendo. Maybe I had read too much into it. Who knew if we would even get along well outside that party atmosphere?

For most of the latter half of the semester, I kept myself as busy as possible. I started going out with different friends and other girls in my sorority. I frequented other houses, parties, and social scenes. It was what I needed, and when I went out with Alice, I felt appreciated and missed by the people in that crowd. I fluffed Peter off as well as I could manage. To my surprise, the first encounter wasn't as dramatic as I had imagined. I essentially ignored him, saying hello before heading off to another part of the house to play a drinking game. Subsequent run-ins became easier, until I found that we could be around each other again without me freaking out. The fact that I had resumed my occasional enjoyment of the opposite sex may have helped matters. Without all that pent up sexual frustration, being around Peter wasn't quite as bad...even though I was still wildly attract to him.

A few weeks before the semester ended, I ran into Peter in the library. Literally. He was walking through the stacks and I came around the corner and crashed into him. We spoke for a few minutes before I had to return to the study desk I was using to complete some research. He found me a while later and asked if wanted to grab lunch with him. I uneasily agreed, and we walked to one of the dining halls together.

"How've you been?" he asked hesitantly as we walked.

"Not bad," I shrugged. "Classes, sorority, hanging out with friends. The usual."

"That's good."

"Uh huh."

"So..."

"How's your girlfriend?"

"Shit, Bella," he groaned, frozen in place as he held the dining hall door open for me. "I'm really sorry, all right? I was out of line. I shouldn't have done that."

"You're missing the point," I said dryly.

"What then?"

"I just...I want to know why," I said, sliding out of the way as a group of students passed us to get inside. "I mean, I don't think..._that _started that night, you know? I want to know why you didn't just tell me."

He gave me a nervous look, but finally nodded. "Let's go get some food and I'll try to explain, I guess."

A few minutes later, we were seated at a corner table in the crowded dining hall, facing one another.

"Maria and I have been together on and off for a while. Since, like, my senior year of high school," he explained. "She's a year younger, but we kept dating when I started school. It was pretty tough to maintain, so we broke up. Then when I went home for the summer, we ended up back together, broke up again last semester, got back together. I know it probably sounds awful."

"Not my place to judge," I said shrugging. "It basically sounds like you get back together every time you're home on break from school."

He cringed, giving away the truth. "Yeah, something like that, I guess, but we've been together since winter break this time. I'm trying to make it work."

"All right, fine. I appreciate you telling me, but I don't really think I want to hear any more about that," I said. "I just want to know why you played games with me when you're sitting here telling me how you're trying to make a long distance relationship work. It doesn't add up."

I watched him set down his fork, take a deep breath, then sip his Coke. Not through a straw, of course. College guys seemed to have some humorous aversion to straws, like they were feminine or something, but I digress. Peter was hesitant and seemed to be having some internal battle to find what he wanted to say. This left me slightly perplexed because, really, hadn't he had enough time to think about this? That part frustrated me, but I was eager enough for an explanation that I decided to be patient.

Finally, after nervously running his fingers over the edge of his lunch tray, he looked up at me, blue eyes burning into mine. "I never meant to play games with you, Bella, I swear," he began sincerely. I nodded my understanding. "Things with Maria are...complicated. I know that sounds stupid, but she went through some shit a few years ago, and it made us closer. I really care for her, and it's like this constant struggle to figure out what we're doing together and if it's even worth it anymore."

He was talking about her again, and that frustrated me because I was trying to get some answers about this thing between us, but he seemed to need this conversation to process. Shifting uncomfortably in my chair, I stopped eating and paid attention.

"I don't want to get into all the stupid details of our relationship with you."

_Thank God..._

"I don't know how to put it," he continued. "There was just something there with you, right? We have fun together and you're laid back and a wild girl.... Do I really need to explain this?"

"Yes," I said firmly, waiting for him to continue.

He groaned, scratching the top of his head and sipping his drink again. "All right, so it's like, the flirting, the drinking, it was all so intense. All the time, Bella. I love being around you and I wanted to be your friend, but that night, something else won out." He stopped speaking, shaking his head, not at me, but at himself. "Shit, I just wanted you. Can you blame me? But then I thought about what I was doing and...it wasn't right."

I stared at him, waiting for more as he looked at his discarded food. He picked up a roll and tore it in half, then threw it back down on the plate. "I'm sorry that I upset you, Bella, and I'm even sorrier if what I did hurt you."

Unable to find the words to convey how I was feeling, I just nodded at him and tried to offer a small smile. It was unsuccessful, but I sensed that he understood that. I picked at my food for a few more minutes as the silence between us became awkward.

"I just wish you would have been upfront with me about her," I said quietly, peeking up at him from my food. "I would have toned it down if I'd known." It felt good to get that part off my chest.

"Honestly, I don't even know what's going on with her half the time," he said, sounding tired.

"Then why stay?" I asked in honest curiosity. "What's the point of a relationship where you're not happy, especially with circumstances like these?"

"I care about her, and after all this time, it sort of feels like it would be a waste to just give up without trying."

I couldn't fully understand his rationale. He was twenty years old, not a man who had been married for half his life and had children with the woman. They were young. There were still prospects for many other relationships in the future if he would let go of this one. I never really understood that mentality of severe attachment to your high school sweetheart. Didn't people understand that most relationships that start so young are really just practice? That they rarely last? I had three different boyfriends in high school tell me that they loved me. It may sound harsh, but I told two of them, without question, that they didn't really love me, that it was too soon and they didn't understand what that truly meant. With the third, I eventually shared the sentiment, but it was nearly a year after he had first said it to me. Even then, I understood that we would probably end eventually, and we did. I accepted our young love for what it was, bathed in youth and innocence, and I was able to move on.

As I reminisced and drew comparisons, I realized that Peter never said that he loved Maria, only that he cared about her. It felt odd to me, given the attachment he had to this girl and their relationship. I wondered if he did love her but didn't mention those feelings because it made him feel uncomfortable to admit it to me. Or it could have been that he possibly didn't love her and was dealing with that. Whatever the case, I still didn't want to know the complicated details of whatever it was he needed to come to terms with.

"Peter, I have no idea what Maria is like or what you've been through together, but I think that staying in a relationship out of obligation is the stupidest thing anyone could ever do. I'm not saying that for selfish reasons, I'm just trying to be your friend."

"I know, but..." he began, but I cut him off quickly.

"No, listen. What I'm saying is only based on what you've told and what I know from our interactions. If she makes you happy and you want to stick it out through a long distance relationship you feel is worthwhile, then, by all means, go for it," I explained. "But, Peter, if you're not happy - if talking to her and seeing her don't make you happy - I really think you need to reassess whether this is worthwhile. It sounds like you probably fight, and I'm sorry if I'm just making assumption there, but if it _is_ the case, you seriously need to step back and ask why you put yourself through that. It's just self-inflicted torture and stress, you know?"

He stared at me seriously for a minute, contorting his lips into a thoughtful expression. I hoped I hadn't offended him, but no matter what had or was going on between us, I didn't want him to be stuck in a miserable relationship. No one deserved that. He looked up, glancing over my shoulder to the clock on the wall.

"I need to get going. I have a group presentation in my next class, and we're meeting early to go over some details," he said. "You're right, though, about a lot of things. Not everything, but I don't want to drag you into all the shitty details, okay?"

"I get it," I nodded.

"Are we good then?" he asked as he shouldered his book bag and picked up his tray. I followed suit, carrying my half eaten lunch to the garbage.

"Sure."

I didn't feel like we had resolution, but it was still nice to actually speak to Peter in a neutral location and confront our bullshit from earlier in the semester. What killed me, though, was the way he still managed to control my feelings. Even when I was upset with him or trying to be understanding of his situation, that urge to jump him was ever-present. I rationally understood that our situation just wasn't aligning for anything to happen between us, but I still wanted him. I couldn't push it away. I couldn't escape it.

With great effort, I managed to tone down my reactions to him outwardly. Inside, my mind played an endless loop of _friends, friends, friends_, but I couldn't deny that I wanted more. It wasn't that I wanted him to date me at that point in time, but I did want his attention, his kiss, and the feel of his body pressed against mine. It was involuntary and inescapable. Nonetheless, I couldn't tell him that, so when our friends all hung out together, I focused on simply enjoying his company as my friend and nothing more. If it was all I could get, I would take it.

So we hung out. We saw each other outside of the weekend parties, usually with other friends, but not always. Everyone was busy with end of the semester projects, but we managed to see each other throughout the week. My understanding of the attraction I felt to him grew through sober eyes.

Peter was incredibly charismatic. There was something so friendly and welcoming about his presence that drew people to him, and I was obviously not immune to those charms. While he wasn't the innocent, angelic type, he also wasn't condescending or rude to others unnecessarily. His personality was an appealing balance of all the things that make a man attractive, inside and out. Killer looks and piercing eyes didn't hurt, either.

What I loved was that we had fun together. He made me smile all the time once we worked our way past the bullshit. At the same time, when we wanted to discuss serious matters, there was a strange comfort and trust there. It was odd for two people who barely knew one another, but it still remained. I liked it, and I quickly grew to feel that he would be one of my closest, favorite friends.

We did well for those last few weeks of school sophomore year. We enjoyed being around one another, and I no longer felt quite as much pressure to try to earn his attention. Instead, I didn't keep myself from spending time with other guys in Peter's presence, and if that bothered him, he didn't say anything about it. He really had no right to anyway. That only lasted so long, though.

On the last big party night of the semester before finals, everyone wanted to celebrate and have a wild, drunken time before summer came. We would soon be consumed with exams, and then the break would separate us for three months.

It was definitely a crazy party. Cheap beer was sucked down quickly by everyone and a number of drinking games were played. Late in the night, Alice and I found our way to the dance floor with several of our sorority sisters, screaming the words to whatever song played as we shook and smiled. Song by song, boyfriends and opportunistic males made their way to us, breaking the group apart into new pairs. A good looking guy with sandy hair and an over confident grin approached me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against his body. We shouted a few introductions over the music, dancing and grinding to the beats. After several songs, I was surprised by a tug on my arm. I looked in the direction of the pull and saw Peter beckoning. I glanced back at my dance partner - Jeff or something like that - and shrugged, waving him off. I drunkenly stepped into Peter's embrace, resuming my dancing with him.

We didn't say much, but we laughed at the way he spun me around. My coordination was lacking to begin with, but the addition of alcohol only made it worse. His smile told me that he thought it was cute, or at the least, amusing enough to continue. The basement was hot and sticky from all the bodies packed together, enjoying the freedom and finality of the party. Even though I usually came home from parties stinking of cigarettes and beer and feeling dirty from sweating so much, it was a sensation I loved. I could feel the wet trail that ran the length of Peter's spine, dampening his shirt. His hot hands made the small of my back even hotter, and I knew my shirt was just as moist. It didn't really matter, though. We were just having fun.

Eventually, the music slowed, and he held me against him. I only came up to his shoulders in my high heeled shoes, so I nuzzled into him. As we swayed to the melodic song, he leaned into me, dropping his head closer to mine. It felt nice. I wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye to him for the summer.

"Do me a favor," he requested, speaking directly into my ear.

I looked up at him questioningly, waiting for him to speak again.

"No more drinking tonight, okay?"

At first, I felt angry at him for being bossy and controlling, but he squeezed my waist to calm me.

"Hey, I just don't want you to be hung over and useless tomorrow, you know?" he defended. "I won't drink anymore, either. The party's almost over anyway."

Instead of letting my defensive nature take hold, I accepted the way he was showing his concern and kissed the side of his neck before resting my cheek against his shoulder. He shivered slightly, hugging me tightly. I returned the embrace, slightly perplexed about what that was all about but too tipsy to over think it.

When that set of slow songs was over, Alice bounded over to us, tugging Jasper along. "I'm hungry and people are starting to leave. Let's go get some Subway and watch a movie in Jasper and Peter's room!"

"Oh, Alice, I'm not really hungry. I'll probably just pass out anyway."

"No!" she protested. "This is our last night all together, and you are going to come with us!" I couldn't help but smile at the scowl she wore or the petulant way she held her hands on her hips.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Jasper added, indulging her.

I glanced up at Peter, who shrugged with one shoulder and nodded in approval. "Sounds good to me."

I gave in and agreed, following my friends out of the house and to the all-night gas station where Alice could get her food. A pint of Ben & Jerry's tempted me, so I paid for that while they all chose their late night snacks. When we got to their dorm, everyone else changed into pajamas and started eating. I plopped on the love seat with my ice cream while Peter and Jasper sat at their desks and Alice sat in front of their make shift coffee table.

"Bella, do you want to borrow some sweatpants or something?" Jasper asked, pausing halfway through his sandwich.

"No, I'm fine," I said, looking down at my jeans and cotton baby doll tee. I was comfortable enough in what I was wearing.

"That's going to be really uncomfortable to sleep in," Alice added.

I shook my head. "I'm not sleeping here. I'll go home after the movie...or whenever you guys all pass out, ya drunks," I added teasingly.

"You're not leaving."

I whipped my body in Peter's direction, giving him a skeptical look.

"What? You're not?" he said coolly. "There's no way I'd let you walk across campus alone in the middle of the night, and I'm sure as hell not going to haul ass to your dorm now that I'm comfy." His words were firm and final.

Before I could argue, he stood and crumbled his sandwich wrapper, tossing it in the garbage and walking to his closet. He pulled out a pair of dark blue sweatpants with a drawstring waist and a tee shirt I assumed he wore under his other clothes since it would have been snug on him. He walked to the couch, handed me the clothes, and tipped his head toward the bathroom.

"I have some washcloths on the shelf, and there's mouthwash and toothpaste there, too."

Grumbling, I set my ice cream down, only to have it snatched up by Alice immediately. How that girl could eat so much and stay so teensy was beyond me. I took Peter's lounge clothes into the bathroom with me, closing the door with a click of the lock.

Ten minutes later, we were all settling in to watch some action movie I didn't really care all that much about. I sat on one side of the love seat and Peter was on the other side. Jasper was on the floor, back resting against the little sofa, and Alice rested between his legs while his long arms draped around her petite frame.

Halfway through, Alice was nodding off, so Jasper helped her up onto the top bunk to watch from there and fall asleep. When I looked back to Peter, he had stretched his legs out onto the storage chest that sat in front of the love seat, and he had a blanket draped over him.

"Did you want to lie down?" he asked.

"No, not yet."

"Wanna share?" he gestured toward his blanket. The temptation to be close to him, even though we had been completely casual most of the night, was too great to resist, so I scooted over to his side. He held an arm out for me, wrapping it around my shoulder and pulling the blanket over both of us. I leaned into him, curling my body toward his and placing my head on his chest.

He was so comfortable and warm, and I loved how good it felt to be close to him that way. I would miss him.

We watched the movie a little longer in silence, but as I grew bored with it, we started talking, softly whispering to one another. I asked what he had planned for the summer, but he seemed slightly evasive about it. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I didn't press the issue. He basically said that he would be going home to Bellingham and working at the sports bar and restaurant that his uncle owned up there. I thought he would be more excited to have some uninterrupted time with Maria, but he didn't mention her. When he asked me the same thing, I explained that my family lived in the Seattle area, so I would be around most of the summer, except for the two weeks my parents and I would spend in Forks with my grandparents. It was where my parents grew up, so they still had relatives and friends in the Olympic Peninsula area. The drive was a pain, but getting away to the small town and the beach for a while was always nice.

Neither of us noticed when the movie ended until the credits rolled and the DVD returned to the menu. I scooted away from Peter, stretching and yawning before I excused myself to use the bathroom. When I came out, he had music playing in the room. He took his turn to brush his teeth, and while he was gone, I curled up on the love seat with a pillow and the blanket we had shared.

"What are you doing?" he whispered harshly, leaning down over the side of the sofa.

"Umm, going to bed. Did you want to watch another movie or something?"

"No, but do you seriously think I would let you sleep on this cramped little thing? Go get in my bed."

"Peter, I..."

"I'll sleep on the floor."

I sat up, looking at him with an annoyed expression. "I'm not going to take your bed."

It was dark, but I could still see that he was shaking his head at me and crossing his arms. "I'm not going to argue with you about this. It's really not a big deal."

When I didn't move from the love seat, he came around the front and scooped me up off the cushion. I exhaled a surprised squeak, which he shushed as he swatted my butt playfully. Carefully, he lowered me onto the bottom bunk and dropped me on the bed. I giggled, but still squirmed and objected.

"Come on, get under the covers," he insisted.

"This isn't fair," I whined back at him. "I didn't even want to stay."

"But here you are." I could just imagine him rolling his eyes at me, even though I couldn't see him that well. "What do you suppose we do then?"

"Umm," I mumbled. It had been several hours since we stopped drinking, but we had all consumed enough that the lingering effects were still there, lowering my inhibitions and my mental filter all at once. "You could sleep here with me. I mean, it's not like I'm going to molest you in your sleep," I teased, still speaking in muted whispers.

He chuckled at me, muttering something under his breath that I couldn't hear before he playfully shoved me over so he could fit in the bed.

"Comfortable?" he asked as he pulled the blankets around us, settling into a comfortable position. We were face to face and I hummed my approval.

"Wait," I said, turning over. "Okay, how's this?"

"Good."

"Okay.... Hey, Peter?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you turn the music on?"

"Oh, uh..." he stuttered, "sometimes Jasper and Alice wake up in the middle of the night..."

"Ohhhh..."

"Exactly," he chuckled softly. "I've gotten used to it, but I figure that if it happens tonight, you might not want to hear...everything."

The thoughts of Alice and Jasper fooling around in the bunk above Peter at any given time set me off into a fit on uncontrollable giggles. I covered my mouth and turned my face into the pillow to muffle the sound, but I couldn't stop my body from shaking with my laughter. Peter attempted to stop me, but it was no use. Finally, he wrapped his arm over me, pulling me against his chest so that I could calm down. He whispered in my ear, telling me to settle, and eventually I did.

Once I was still again, I expected him to release me and slide away, but he didn't. His arm stayed secure over mine, and his hand rested against my forearms.

"Is this all right?" he asked.

_God, yes! Please don't let go._

"Yeah, I...it's kinda nice," I whispered inaudibly, a nervous smile playing on my lips. I questioned our position for a moment, but it was completely innocent. We weren't doing anything wrong. We were just two friends enjoying a little snuggle before we fell asleep.

The problem was that I couldn't sleep.

Even after we stopped talking, I could not get my body to settle down and rest. I was hyperaware of everything around me, or to be more specific, everything Peter. I knew I shouldn't have been feeling so keyed up about someone who was only supposed to be my friend and had a girlfriend, but I couldn't help myself. Everything about him appealed to me in some way - his looks, his body, his smile, his sense of humor, and even his protective side, albeit annoying and chauvinistic at times.

Each breath he took heaved against my back, fanning over my hair when he exhaled. His scent was all around me, clean and masculine. The fact that I was wearing his clothes, laying in his bed with his arm around me...it was almost too much. Fearing that I would lose every ounce of self-control I had if I moved, I stayed as still as possible. I thought that Peter's dating status would help him keep his resolve, but _he_ was the one who pulled us closer together, stroking his hand up and down my arms in smooth, light grazes.

I was lost. I couldn't control what was happening, and I couldn't stop him. My mind fought my urges, trying to maintain some shred of sanity, but every cell in my body seemed to be responding to his touch.

It was still fairly innocent, so I didn't try to stop it. I didn't really want to anyway.

My heart was thundering in my chest, and I realized that my breathing had picked up. Slowly, tentatively, silently, his hand wandered into new territory. He touched my hip, spreading his hand across it when I didn't object. With gentle movements, he traced up and down my side, creating fireworks on my skin. In all the times he had touched me, even when dancing earlier, it had never felt this intimate. After several minutes of slowly caressing me that way, he slid his hand down and flattened it over my stomach. I gasped, jumping slightly, though not in surprise. It felt so fucking good to have his hands on me, and I didn't want him to stop. That was the dangerous part.

As he began tickling my belly, he nuzzled his face into my neck, not moving my hair. I could hear him inhaling deeply, and I realized that his breathing had picked up just as much as mine. In a bold move, he carefully lifted the hem of the shirt I was wearing and slipped his hand onto my bare flesh. His touch was so warm and soft, and I immediately felt the effects of it between my legs. He was more eager once we were skin-to-skin, but he was no less gentle. Every touch was petal soft. He drew patterns and pictures on my stomach and ribs with his fingertips, swirling and teasing me into submission.

He made circles around my belly button, first wide, then moving inward with ghosting strokes. It was sensual, causing me to shiver against him. When he felt that, he pressed into my back harder, aligning the rest of our bodies so that we were in a full spoon position. Our ankles tangled together, and I could feel _him_ against my ass.

Whatever he wanted at that point, I was at his mercy. I tried to keep myself from grinding back into him, and for a while, I managed.

After one last rotation around my belly button, he dragged a single finger up the center of my torso, skimming up my sternum and between my breasts. His finger slid over the inner slope of one breast, stopping just before he reached my nipple. Torturously, he resumed his circular pattern, moving around and around and fucking around until I thought I would scream. I fought myself stay silent, but he was making it extremely difficult. Just when I thought he would finally give me what I wanted, he moved his hand to the other breast and repeated that tease. I endured as long as I could manage, finally breaking after the eighth slow rotation.

"Please," I whispered, tilting my head back toward him. I would beg if I had to.

In an abrupt movement, he lifted my upper body enough to slide his other arm beneath me. When he laid me back down, both his hands were beneath my shirt, cupping my breasts and pinching my nipples simultaneously. That time, I couldn't control myself and I gasped loudly. I managed to prevent a loud moan, but it was the best I could do.

After several more minutes of squirming and his wonderful groping, his top hand moved back down my body, tickling my stomach again and placing his fingertips beneath the waist of my sweatpants. He ran his hand back and forth, sliding the slightest bit lower. I knew I should have had the willpower to resist, but I couldn't. I had pushed these feelings and desires away for so long, and I finally snapped. When he tugged on the tie that had secured his large pants around my feminine waist, I didn't object. There was no more hesitation once that line was crossed. His hand went directly beneath my panties, moving needfully between the folds of my sensitive, anxious flesh.

He nuzzled my hair, apparently trying to push it off my neck with his chin. When I realized what he was doing, I reached up and tucked the long strands under my head, exposing my face to him. His mouth pressed against my ear, breathing heavily.

"Tell me to stop," he uttered in the quietest breath. It wasn't a command, that much I understood. It was his way of giving me an out if I wanted it. I didn't, not at all.

As he continued to toy with my body, spreading my wetness with his fingers, I remained silent. He repeated his words, but my resolve didn't change. I wanted him to really touch me. At that point, I absolutely needed it. Finally, he understood the permission behind my lack of a response and pushed a finger inside me. I had hardly noticed that my legs were parted. I had done it naturally for him, inviting Peter to take what he wanted from me. I lifted my top leg and hooked it over his, which pulled his stiff cock against my backside even harder.

He was unbelievable. I was so wet for him that his movements were audible and borderline obscene with other people sleeping in the room, and I found myself especially thankful for the music Peter had put on earlier. Needing more than his hand between my legs and on my chest, I twisted my shoulder and turned my head toward him. He understood, joining our mouths at once as he continued to pump in and out of me.

Kissing was difficult from this angle, but that made it so much more erotic. After a few minutes, I felt another one of his fingers enter me, joining in the stirring motions he was creating down there. I wanted to moan and cry out from what he was doing to me, but I knew I needed to stay as quiet as possible. Instead, I breathed heavily, most of them being forced into his mouth as our tongues struggled to retain contact. Eventually, we gave up on kissing, and I turned my face back toward the pillow. He continued to spread kisses over the expanse of my neck, nipping and sucking between wet, hot affection.

I knew he could feel my climax approaching when he hugged me tighter than ever and moved his fingers furiously inside me. I shoved my face into the pillow as the warm, sharp sensation overtook my body, practically growling at my released. I bucked into his hand a few times before my entire body locked up, frozen in place. As it subsided, he slipped one of his fingers out and stroked me softly and slowly. My body relaxed, shuddering as my orgasm drifted away. He dragged his hand out of my pants, leaving a wet trail as he moved up toward my stomach. He readjusted my clothes, and then settled us into a comfortable, relaxed position. I tried to roll over so that I could continue and offer him the same kind of release, but he held me firmly in place.

"Shh...sleep, Angel," he whispered in my ear.

Sleep was the last thing on my mind in that moment, but it was what my body craved. Submitting to his will, I kept my eyes closed and focused on the warmth and security of his embrace.

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**E/N: So what do you think of these two? Please don't write Peter off as a dog quite yet...not all is as it seems. We'll hear his POV next, and it will explain a lot. I'm looking forward to your reactions! Thanks for reading =)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Still not beta'd. Still not my characters.**

**Thanks so much to everyone who's reading! Don't be afraid to review or PM & tell me what you think - I always reply. To all of you who have never considered the Peter/Bella pairing, I'm honored to pop your cherry =)**

**To clarify, the beginning of the first chapter is Bella speaking from several years into the future. She sets the stage, looking back on how they met, and the story drifts in as if we're seeing it in the present. Sort of like a movie opening up with narration that eventually fades away. Sorry if I confused anyone – I'm not really a prologue sort of gal. Now, on with the show! Future chapters won't have repetition, but we needed to see Peter's perspective on a few things before we could get to the new material in the 2****nd**** half of this chapter.**

* * *

I awoke alone the morning after Bella and I first fooled around. I lifted my head to glace at the clock, noticing that it was only 7:36. Alice and Jasper were lightly snoring in the bed above me, completely oblivious to my disappointment.

For a moment, I thought – hoped – that she was just in the bathroom, but when I saw the clothes I had lent her folded neatly on the arm of the love seat, I knew that she was gone.

I could only imagine what had gone through her mind when she woke up next to me in my bed. For all she knew, I had cheated on Maria with her, and after the bullshit I pulled last time, I couldn't blame her for running. That didn't ease my disappointment.

I honestly don't know why I didn't tell her the truth sooner. Maybe I was still processing, or maybe I was nervous about what it would mean for Bella and me. In all actuality, it was some combination of both. What was I supposed to say anyway? _"Oh, I don't have a girlfriend anymore. Wanna fool around?"_

My intentions had never been to seduce Bella that night or anything else of that nature. I knew that I needed time to process and deal with my emotions after the breakup, but Bella was too tempting, too beautiful. Keeping our relationship platonic had always been a challenge, especially when she did things that made my array of feelings for her flair. Case in point, dancing with that douchenozzle at the party. There was no way I was going to allow some other dude to continue dry humping her on the dance floor while I watched. That was what prompted me to cut in, pulling her body flush to mine and enjoying the liberty of running my hands all over her back, feeling her move in time with the music and me.

When I first met Bella, I was captivated. She walked into that room, so sure of herself, and blew us all away with her impressive beer bonging. Of course I thought she was hot, but there was something in her eyes that made me want to know more about her. I'll admit that I flirted because I've always been that way, but it stopped there. It was early in the semester, and at that time, Maria and I had been having a pretty good couple of weeks. We hadn't fought, so I was riding high on the peace and happiness in my relationship, even if it was long distance. While I found her extremely attractive and had a blast hanging out with her, my heart was with Maria.

As the semester progressed, things with my girlfriend waivered. At the same time, I got to know Bella more, and she really was a great person. There were always other women around at college, and especially at parties, but no one tempted me like Bella. I knew she felt that spark between us as well because the way she would touch me…fuck. It was innocent and indecent all at once. Between the lack of sex I was having and the tight, curve-hugging clothes that Bella flaunted herself in, my will to resist her chipped away little by little.

I knew I was in trouble the night of that fraternity party. When I saw her with that guy, I was overcome with this foreign emotion. It prickled the back of my neck, causing my muscles to tighten and my fists to clench. I found myself glaring at them – at him – as they interacted and danced. Then, there was Bella, smiling and eating it all up as she drank and drank and drank some more. I tried not to pay attention to her, but my eyes were constantly scanning the crowds, always drawn back to her. When I saw him brush her hair back and lean down to whisper something in her ear, I finally understood the feeling that had been building inside me all night. I was jealous.

It completely threw me. I had no reason to be jealous of another guy with Bella – no _right_ to be jealous, but I was. I forced myself to extinguish those burning emotions, pushing them away with everything I had in me. I hadn't questioned my commitment to Maria until that moment. It wasn't necessarily about Bella; it was the simple fact that _anyone _could make me second guess my relationship. As I processed that, I became lost in my own mind, wondering what the hell was wrong with me and when I had become so stupid and complicated.

What I felt toward Bella that night instantly transformed into concern when she told Alice that she was staying at the frat house with that Abercrombie poster-boy jackoff. She was clearly very drunk, and I didn't want her to place herself in a position that she would regret in the morning. I went to her as a friend, but she insisted on staying, and there was nothing I could do about that. She seemed almost antagonistic in her response, which I assumed had something to do with the alcohol.

The next time I saw her was right before spring break, and it seemed like she was avoiding me all night long. I was confused by this, but I assumed it had something to do with me checking up on her at the frat party. Bella was a confident, independent woman, so she may not have taken my suggestion well. I had managed to keep my mind occupied with midterms and the excitement of going to see Maria in San Francisco, and I was riding high on that opportunity. Even with that distraction and anticipation, I couldn't shake the discomfort of leaving things on bad terms with a friend, even if all our interactions up to that point had been casual.

I decided that a peace offering of sorts was in order, so I retrieved the bottle I had brought from my friend Jason's room and went to find Bella. Once I got her to agree to sit down with me, I led her back to that same bedroom, which I knew was empty at the time, and settled in to drink and talk with her.

After my makeshift apology and explanation, our conversation flowed easily. It was playful, even. Then, it got to be a little too playful. The more we drank, the closer we moved toward one another. I held back the details and real reason for my spring break trip, and I inwardly questioned myself. The worst part was that I couldn't stop. I knew I needed to quit drinking. I knew I needed to move away from Bella. I knew I needed to be honest. But I couldn't. The liquor put a wall between my brain and its ability to signal my body to do the right thing. Through it all, I hated myself. It was as though I was trapped inside my own mind, functioning, speaking, laughing, but wholly out of control.

Then, Bella did the worst thing possible. She closed the gap between us until we were dangerously close together. She didn't know. I didn't tell her. She was not to blame. I could have kissed her right there and probably taken whatever I wanted, but I fought it. Just when I thought my head was going to explode from the pressure of my internal struggle, I jumped away, spewing apologies and berating myself. Yet when she went to leave, the scars of rejection playing across her face, I couldn't let her. Something different snapped, and I attacked her like an instinctual, pathetic, greedy animal. Fuck if it wasn't amazing, though.

Stopping and telling her the truth after that were a complete blur. She ran away from me, and I knew it was no use following. What would I say? My apologies would never suffice. Instead, I let her go, and I kicked a huge hole in the wall while thumping my head against it as well. When I looked down, the hole was the size of a basketball from multiple blows to the drywall. I made a mental note to leave the remainder of my Crown for Jason, along with a promise to fix the damage after spring break.

I was glad that I had two days in between to cool down before I went to see Maria. There was so much to sort out in my mind, and if she had seen me immediately following my encounter with Bella, she would have known something was off.

She was waiting for me at the airport when I arrived, along with one of her friends who had driven her. She ran to me, and I couldn't help but smile at her excitement. Instantly, she launched herself into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist and kissing me furiously. Tensions dissolved momentarily, and I was lost in her familiar comforts.

When we returned to her dorm, we spent the next day and a half in bed. We both had so much pent up sexual frustration from our time apart, and it was therapeutic to work some of that out together. She still had classes that week, and I was not allowed to sleep over in her dorm room on weeknights, so I transferred to a nearby hotel for the remainder of my stay. It wasn't the fanciest place, but I got a good rate.

While she went to classes that week, I mostly stayed in the room and got a head start on some reading for a couple of my courses. I went out a bit, but it wasn't as fun without her, so I saved most of the sightseeing for the times we could go together.

Things were noticeably different between us once we tore down the sexual deprivation veil that clouded both our minds. College had been good for Maria, it had changed her. Away from the bullshit of her home life, she gained a new sense of self, which was great. She needed to find herself after everything she and her mother had been through. Unfortunately, her journey of self-discovery in college had also led to some things I wasn't too fond of. For one, it seemed that she had become quite the partier. Not that I had any room to judge, but given her family history, Maria had always looked down upon excessive drinking. It surprised me that she had become the type who would go out four or more nights a week. I also found out that she had lot of friends who were stoners. I didn't really care what other people did as long as they were responsible, but it was easy for that kind of habit to get out of hand or get someone in trouble. When I asked Maria if she had been smoking, she casually admitted that she did it from time to time, but something in her eyes and the tone of her voice told me that she was editing. I couldn't help but wonder just how often "time to time" was, and how similar she was to that group of friends.

As always, things were imperfect. We bickered and fought about stupid shit, but at the heart of it all, we were _us_. We had been together in some sense for so long that it felt strange to consider not being together, all those breakups in the past be damned.

I left California feeling good about having seen her, but there was still something off, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I lacked the sense of hope for our future that I desired, but it wasn't just that. There was something more.

With my mind freshly focused on my girlfriend, I returned to school and resumed my life there. I hoped that things would blow over with Bella, but I couldn't really tell because she wasn't around as often. When she was, she was friendly and casual, and that flirtatious undertone was gone, so I talked myself into believing that we were fine and that her less frequent appearances at our friends' parties had nothing to do with me.

Then came the day we first had lunch together. I felt like a complete ass because it quickly became evident that she was upset by my actions. More than anything, she was hurt that I had not been honest with her about my relationship.

I tried to explain that things were complicated, but it was hard to make someone understand without going into detail. Frankly, those details were very private to Maria, and I didn't feel at liberty to share them with people in order to justify myself. Jasper knew about Maria, but I hardly ever talked to him about that stuff. He accepted that I was private and didn't push me.

Back in high school, she had been through a lot. We started dating the way that most high school students do: we had some classes together, mutual friends, a spark ignited. Things were good and fun for a while, up until the day we were fooling around and I saw a huge bruise on her ass. Upon inspection, I noticed another on her forearm and a lighter one at her hairline that she had covered with make-up.

After a great deal of coaxing, she finally, tearfully, admitted that her step-father had been beating the shit out of her mother regularly for more than a year, and he had begun taking some of that anger out on her when she tried to defend her mother. Those particular bruises were from him literally kicking her in the ass while wearing work boots, thus slamming her into a wall, which caused the other two bruises.

With that truth revealed, her vulnerability surfaced in a way I had never seen before. Our relationship had been simple and fun up until that time, but it quickly turned into something more serious.

Maria tried over and over again to convince her mother to leave, but she felt trapped. She was an immigrant on her second marriage with no job, no home, and very little money of her own. Sadly, she accepted her circumstances, and for whatever reason, whether fear or denial, she refused police involvement. It was a terrible situation, and poor Maria was caught in the middle. She was smart and driven, so seeing her stuck like that broke my heart. I tried to take care of her the best that I could. She spent most of her time with me, and when she wasn't at my house, I encouraged her to stay with her friends.

I didn't want her in that house with her step-father for fear that he would get drunk and do something…unthinkable to her. I encouraged her to sneak out at night and stay with me, and on the nights that she couldn't, I would sneak out of my house and go to her. I didn't care if I got in trouble for it, as long she was safe.

Thankfully, the problem eventually worked itself out. Maria's step-father got into a bar fight, sending another man to the ICU and destroying a great deal of property in the bar before he was detained and arrested. During the investigation, Maria's mother finally confessed to the abuse, and he was put in jail for a long time.

Their churched helped her mom find a job and cover expenses until she could get on her feet. The school counselor helped Maria research college scholarships, and an anonymous sponsor from the church promised to cover whatever remained of her tuition as long as she kept her grades in good standing.

It worked out well because before that all happened, I hadn't wanted to go away for college. I said I would just stay in the area and go to Bellingham University, but Maria knew that I wanted to be in Seattle. With the assurance that she would not be in danger, I stuck with my original plan. It was only about two hours from home to school, so we stuck it out and stayed together.

As I told Bella, things got bumpy from there. Maria was understandably damaged from everything she and her mother had been through, and that gave way to problems in our relationship. What I didn't explain to Bella was that the longer I was away at school, the more clearly I could see that the foundation of my relationship with my girlfriend wasn't typical. Even though we got together because we liked one another, her circumstances are what truly held us in place for so long. Instead of focusing on our affection and common interests, we built what we had upon her need to be sheltered and my desire to protect her. She depended on me, but I also grew to need that place in her life.

We broke up because it was too hard or we fought too much, but then we would see each other again and that old _thing_ would draw us back in. Did I love her? Yes, but I knew it wasn't crazy romantic love. I wanted us to work, though. Maria was a good girl who made me happy when we were together. Being apart, though…that wasn't good.

Telling Bella that it was complicated was the easiest way to hedge.

I felt like a weight had been lifted after speaking to Bella. We started hanging out again, both at parties with our friends and during the week to study or eat together. She was funny in a really dry sort of way, but she didn't realize it, which made it even more entertaining to be around her. We clicked in that way you can't really find words for – the way friendships should be.

Then _it_ happened. Maria's behavior changed almost suddenly. She didn't call as often and it took longer for her to respond to my texts and emails. There were pictures on her Facebook of people she never mentioned or introduced me to. I could tell her partying had increased, and all the while, she was becoming more and more detached. Out of the blue, she called me one day and said she couldn't do it anymore. She claimed that she wanted to wait until we got home for the summer to tell me in person but that she couldn't stand it any longer.

_We weren't working._

_She had changed._

_We had changed._

_It was no use holding on to something that would never get better._

She didn't cry. She simply spoke the truth, apologized for ending things that way, and hung up the phone.

I couldn't say that I truly disagreed with her, but the breakup had completely blindsided me. We had spent years together and suddenly we just…weren't. This time, it felt permanent. It never had with any of our other splits.

I didn't tell anyone, not even Jasper. It was my personal issue, so I internalized it and did my best to stay stoic on the subject. I was less upset than I expected, but still processing everything. I guess, in a way, I always thought that I would be the one to permanently end things. Maria had depended on me for so long, and by doing that, she was essentially saying that she no longer needed me. That was a blow to my ego, even if the feeling was slightly irrational.

There was a swell of torment and self-loathing the first time I considered the new possibilities that came with being single. Bella was, of course, the first girl I thought about. I wondered if this was a door opening for me to…. I wasn't sure what I wanted, whether that be dating or just hooking up. I knew I shouldn't have been thinking about that kind of thing so soon, so I forced it to the back of my mind, which had become a bit of a habit for most thoughts involving Bella.

When she and I were around one another, I tried to be casual and cool. I didn't act like I still had a girlfriend, but I didn't behave as if I was unattached either. Even if I did want something more with Bella, the semester was almost over, and it would have been stupid to try to start something at that time. Instead, I focused on our friendship, and I found that I really enjoyed that.

That brought me back to waking up alone.

The night was a blast, just as we all hoped it would be. I loved that Alice insisted we all hang out after the party because I knew I wouldn't see my friends for a few months after that. It wasn't a salacious thought…at the time.

Even though Bella looked delectable in my clothes that were far too big on her small body, I kept telling myself over and over again to keep my urges and desires to myself. Knowing that she still thought I had a girlfriend helped, even if it was wrong of me on several levels. Unfortunately, I was _just_ drunk enough to take advantage of being close to her when Jasper and Alice went to bed. It was simply an offer for her to share my blanket; she could have said no. I was elated when she joined me, curling herself against my side and allowing me to hold her as we watched – and then ignored – the remainder of the movie.

I wanted to stay like that all night long, just the two of us in our own little bubble, close together and sharing inconsequential conversation. She felt right in my arms, not there because it was familiar, but something more…something, dare I say, special.

The time to sleep came soon, and I could not believe she actually thought I would let her be uncomfortable on the love seat. That idea was almost as absurd as her walking back to her dorm alone in the middle of the night. I can't deny that a part of me hoped she would invite me to lie down with her or that I was fucking elated inside when she suggested that option.

Resisting the urge to wrap myself around her when we were so damn close together in my bed was nearly impossible. I could feel the warmth of her body radiating off her, sense every fidget or twitch. Her hair smelled like warm vanilla and something else…sandalwood, maybe. My mom always liked that scent, which is the only way I recognized it. Even with the smells of the party sticking to her hair, I could still smell _her_, and it was delicious. When my opportunity came to hold and quiet her, I didn't hesitate, and I silently celebrated when she allowed me to stay that way. I wondered if she knew I was smiling behind her.

There was no hope of sleeping once I had her. I focused on her breathing and the heat of bodies together, and my hand began to travel on its own accord. I didn't want to take it too far or scare her away; I just needed to feel her. I knew she was still awake by the way she breathed and reacted to me, but she didn't stop my affectionate, delicate touching.

I moved as slowly as I could manage, mustering every ounce of self-control I possessed in order to do so. It was one of the most difficult challenges I had ever faced. My confidence grew with each passing minute that she didn't stop and tell me to fuck off. I wanted more, but I was afraid to take it. Somewhere in my mind, I wished she would put an end to it because the consequences could be bad, but none of those feelings were strong enough to keep my hands from caressing her silky smooth skin.

It all began to blur – the touching, the way our bodies molded together. When she whispered, "Please," to me, the only word either of us had spoken the entire time, I lost it. It was like a rollercoaster. After creeping up that highest hill with a careful pace, building anticipation with each click of the tracks, stopping is impossible. The descent is inevitable, and that's where we found ourselves. I could no longer _not_ touch her. I needed to feel her perfect tits and stroke her until she exploded, so I did. I was taking from her, gluttonously feeding on her pleasure, and I absolutely could not stop unless she told me to. I gave her the opportunity two times. I waited. Her silence was my answer and my one-way ticket to Heaven.

Bella was perfect. At the time, I had completely forgotten that she would think I was still with Maria. I just needed her. Did she know that? Did she understand? I wanted everything with her, but I knew that Bella was more than a quick fuck, not to mention a lust-driven, sneaky escapade with her friend and mine in the same room. What we did was enough for the moment because it had to be. If we ever got to that point – if I was ever so lucky – it would happen under better circumstances, when I could show her the world in bed and let her scream, moan, flail, or do anything else that she needed.

But I fucked something up. I didn't tell her the truth because I was too stupid or too embarrassed to admit that I had been dumped. Seeing that Bella had left me, I instantly understood my mistake.

There was no opportunity to see or speak to her before I went home. Between finals and packing my room, I hardly even found time to eat in the next few days. I wanted to find her and tell her the truth, to apologize, but I also wanted her to come to me. Not because I was egotistical, but so that I knew she would be willing to forgive.

My reasoning was flawed, of course, but what can I say? I'm a man.

Summer wasn't really much of a vacation for me. The first full day I was home, I started working at the bar. My uncle knew I could use the cash, so he put me wherever he needed me. Some shifts, I bartended. Others, I did inventory or stocked. There were times I had to fill in for a server or cook, and occasionally, I backed up bar security on the weekends.

I saw friends from high school, but usually not in a social setting. It was July before I first saw Maria. She looked different than she had in April, even though it was only a few months prior. She was skinnier, her hair was cut in a shorter, choppier style than I had ever seen, and she just seemed…different. I found that I was glad we weren't together anymore because I really didn't know the person she had become. The changes weren't necessarily bad – though I didn't try too hard to find out – she simply wasn't the girl I had once dated. Then again, I knew I had changed over the years as well.

Time passed and was neither too slow nor too fast. It was nice to have a break from the school routine and classes, but working still gave me purpose, not to mention money to cover my books and some social expenses. I hung out with a few girls over the course of the summer, and by "hung out with" I mean "hooked up with." None of them held my interest for too long, though one did make repeat appearances in my bed. I think we both understood that we were just passing the time together.

In early August, I was surprised to see a friend request from Bella on my Facebook account. I didn't check it often in the summer, only signing on to see what all my college friends were up to during the break. Her request had been there for a few days. I approved it, then spent some time browsing through her pictures and reading the messages on her wall. Most of the conversations were between her and some of the other Kappa Delta girls, and all of them seemed pleasant. In a photo album title "Forks/La Push Summer 09" I saw many pictures of Bella with people I assumed were her parents and grandparents. She didn't bother to label or tag individual snapshots. There was also a collection of her with different Native American guys and girls around our age. I remembered her saying that there was a reservation near her parents' hometown and that her dad had a few friends there. I assumed that these were kids of theirs who Bella had spent time with during her summer visits.

I found myself slightly agitated by the frequency of one particular guy in the album. He was extremely tall and muscular with long black hair tied back in a ponytail. In every picture with Bella, he was smiling widely, genuinely. I couldn't help but feel that there was a reason his face appeared so many times. I also couldn't deny that Bella looked happy with him. My natural assumption was that there was something going on between them, but I couldn't begrudge her for that, especially considering my summer flings. However, I did find some comfort in remembering that she said they would only be in Forks for two weeks. Unless Bella decided to stay longer with Chief Steroids, but I didn't allow myself to linger on that train of thought.

When I looked down to the corner of my computer screen, I realized that I had to be at work in half an hour. I must have looked at Bella's page for over an hour. Before signing out, I went to her wall and typed a quick message.

"_I hope you're having a nice summer. From the pictures, it looks like you're having a lot of fun."_

It was lame, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time. I had a hunch that "Sorry I'm a dick" wouldn't have been any better, so I chose the lesser of two evils. She extended the olive branch by sending me a request (unless she was just being nosy), and I made my peace offering in return. I didn't know where it would take us, but it was a start.

A couple days later, I was back on the computer when a chat box appeared. It was her.

_Bella: Your status says single? What happened?  
Peter: LOL hello to you too  
Bella: Ha! Sorry =P Hi.  
Peter: So, yeah, we broke up, hence the "single"  
Bella: When? Are you all right?  
Peter: A while ago. I'm fine now. It was…weird for a while  
Bella: A while? When exactly?  
Peter: Uhh…before school was over  
Bella: WHAT? You're fucking kidding me, right?  
Peter: No…?  
Bella: Fucking hell, Peter! Have you always been an ass, or is that something you reserve special for me?  
Peter: …  
Bella: You know what? We need to have this conversation. Phone, NOW._

She gave me her number in the next message, and I hesitantly took my cell phone out, dialing her number and staring at the screen for several moments before I hit the send button.

There was half a ring – maybe – before she answered.

"You're a dick. You know that, right?"

"Yes," I replied hesitantly, clearly understanding that I was about to get my ass chewed by this fierce incarnation of Bella.

"You guys seriously broke up while we were still at school?" she demanded.

"Yes, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Do you even know what you're sorry for? Never mind, don't answer that," she said quickly. "This seriously makes me want to scream. Tell me when it was exactly. _And_ how it happened. Shit, Peter, it was like, less than three weeks before finals when we talked about her!"

I took a deep breath and leaned back into my chair. I had a hunch this was going to be rough. "Not long after that. I thought we were doing all right, but then she called me out of the blue one day and just broke up with me. That was it."

"Just like that?"

"Yes, just like that," I sighed. "She said she felt bad for doing it over the phone, but that she couldn't put it off any longer."

"So I was just some rebound distraction bullshit before you went home? Or maybe a little random action to stick it to her? God, I can't fucking believe you," she growled.

"Whoa! First of all, you are _not_ random, nor have I ever thought about you as a rebound, a distraction, or any kind of retribution. You're my friend, Bella."

"You have a really nice way of showing it," she said sarcastically.

"You know what? I deserved that, but I'm not lying to you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that we broke up, but it wasn't exactly something I was excited to talk about – with anyone. I didn't even tell Jasper."

"You're an idiot."

"I know," I said, smiling slightly at that. Her tone was exasperated, but not harsh.

"That doesn't make things any better, though," she added immediately. "Peter, I thought you had a girlfriend. After you told me about Maria, I tried to stay neutral and objective. I put aside our fuck up and wanted to just be your friend. If you needed me to support your relationship, I was going to, so that stuff that happened between us, it made me feel like the world's most terrible person."

"You're not terrible," I interrupted, needing her to understand that it was the truth.

"Just shut up for a minute and listen," she snapped. I kept my mouth closed. "I have felt guilty all summer long. Because of you. At first, I thought it was harmless that we were cuddling on the couch and talking. I even convinced myself that sleeping in your bed together would be fine. Then, when you started touching me, I couldn't muster the willpower to stop what was happening. I consciously understood that you were unavailable and that what we were doing was a really bad idea, that it was wrong, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want you to. Shit, I feel like you don't even deserve to hear this," she paused suddenly, contemplating her words, "but fuck was that hot, and feeling so good with you made my guilt even worse!"

If I felt like a piece of shit before, Bella had just multiplied that exponentially. She was guilt ridden because of my omission for a second time, but this felt so much worse than that first time we kissed. How fucked up was it that not telling her I was single was worse than not telling her I had a girlfriend? Not even her admission of how much she enjoyed our brief hook up could make me feel better. Well, not entirely….

She continued before I had time to consider a response. "I have beaten myself up over you. Ever since that night, I've been ashamed of myself for being a fucking cheater. I mean, damn, you were the one cheating - or at least I thought so – but I was 'that girl,' the stupid fucking whore who didn't have the moral fiber to resist someone I shouldn't have been with. Do you have any idea what that feels like? How fucking dirty and skanky and terrible I've felt? For you, for Maria, for me?"

If I hadn't been sitting already, her words would have made me collapse. They were like a knife straight to my heart, and I was completely ashamed of the way I had made her feel. Bella was good and sweet and kind. She deserved so much better than all of that and better friends than an asshole like me.

I didn't want to hear any more, but I knew Bella needed to expel all her anger, shock, and pain on me. In a masochistic way, I wanted her to twist that dull knife in my chest and allow me to shoulder all the anxiety and negativity she had been dealing with since May.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so fucking sorry," I mumbled repeatedly.

"It's not good enough, Peter," she said quietly, and my heart shattered. We may not have been friends for long, but I didn't want to lose her – even if we were a screwed up pair, even if we hadn't talked in months, even if it was torturous to be friends and not have more of her.

"Please, I'll do anything to make it up to you," I pleaded. "I have felt like shit for not being honest with you, but I didn't know how to explain without sounding either pathetic or desperate."

"No, that's such bull," she snapped back. "All you would have needed to say was that she broke up with you but that you weren't ready to talk about it yet. I would have understood. I could have supported you."

More guilt and remorse overtook me. I absolutely hated being responsible for Bella's pain in any way.

"I have felt disgusted with myself, and there was nothing I could do to change that. Even if you would have just said something in the middle of all that, it would have been better. I would have known and never had to deal with all this angst!"

"Crap," I muttered, rubbing my forehead with my free hand. "All right, so this is going to sound so contrived, but hear me out, okay? When we were together like that, Maria and our breakup were the farthest things from my mind. Somewhere, subconsciously, I was aware that you didn't know the truth, but the only thing I could focus on was being with you, feeling you. I didn't plan that. I didn't want to just fool around and leave for the summer. You're better than all of that."

She sighed lightly, not speaking for a minute before she responded. "It's still completely shitty. I just…I don't know where we go from here."

"I don't either," I admitted, "but, god, Bella, I don't want you to hate me for this. I like having you in my life, and considering all our mutual friends and the fact that you're living with Alice this year, it will be extremely awkward if we can't find a way to fix things."

"Oh, there's no 'we' fixing this. It's all you, buddy."

"Tell me what to do. I'll do _anything_, I swear."

"I don't know," she whispered, sounding defeated by the situation.

"Anything, please."

"Tell me what happened. Tell me about the breakup and how you felt and how you're feeling about it now."

I was scared. There was a huge possibility at this point that I had completely blown my chance with Bella – as her friend and potentially anything more. For reasons I couldn't fully understand, that was unacceptable. It was a feeling I had, something unexplainable nudging me from the inside. If that was what she needed to work toward forgiving me, I would give her anything.

It completely sucked to talk about, especially since I hadn't discussed the end of my relationship with Maria with _anyone_, but at the same time, I found comfort in Bella being the one to hear it. She had a way of putting me at ease, even when discussing my shitty breakup, even when feeling like a royal fuckwad for what I had done to her.

Knowing that it was for the best, I swallowed my pride and described what had taken place between the time that I told her about Maria and when she dumped me. I explained my reactions in more detail than I intended, and Bella listened thoughtfully to every word. I wanted her to understand that I wasn't trying to hide anything from her, so I did my best to explain my reasons for keeping it all to myself. I even went so far as to admit not telling her because I didn't want to risk starting something between us at the end of the semester.

"I think it's obvious by now that you deserve better than me," I finally said. "I had no idea at that point what you might or might not want with me or how the change in my status would affect things. I honestly thought it would be easier to just get through the last of the semester, take the time this summer to work through my bullshit, and see where we stood when we got back to school for fall semester."

"I guess that makes sense," she said in a small voice. I imagined her nodding. I imagined her long, chocolate hair brushing against her shoulders. I imagined her gnawing on her bottom lip. I missed her.

"It was a mistake. I can see that now," I continued. "Like I said, I never planned for anything to happen between us, but I need you to know something." I paused for a moment, but she stayed silent. "Even though I screwed up, I don't regret what we did. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a lucky bastard. You are…incredible."

She made a little humming sound but didn't respond. It killed me that I couldn't see her and gauge her reaction to what I had said. If I could have seen the look in her eyes or whether a pink blush spread across her cheeks, I would have known what she was feeling, but she wasn't giving me anything. I had to accept it for the moment.

"Thank you…for sharing all of that with me. I'm sure it wasn't easy."

"No, but I'm glad it was you. I appreciate you listening," I said honestly.

"Listen, I should get going. My mom is over at her friend's house, so I promised my dad I would cook for him tonight."

"Yeah, that's fine. I should go anyway since I have to work tonight."

"All right. Well…" she drifted off slowly.

I gulped and said what I needed to before I could take it back. "It was nice to talk to you, Bella, even if the circumstances weren't great. And I truly am sorry for everything. I hope we'll be okay eventually."

"Me too," she admitted.

"Can I call you again before we get back to school?"

"Umm, I don't know, Peter."

"Hey, that's fine. It's why I asked."

"Well, I didn't say no, but I'm not sure yet."

We exchanged goodbyes after that and ended our call.

Feeling emotionally exhausted from all of that, I laid down in my bed and took a nap before it was time to get ready for work.

I was anxious for the rest of the month. Bella didn't call or give me permission to do so again, but she did text me a few times with simple greetings and messages, so I accepted what she was offering. As long as I could feel connected to her in some way, I would be okay.

Jasper and I were able to move into our new apartment a week before classes began, so it was a decent amount of time to get everything in order and visit with friends before having to deal with the madness of school. We were in a building that was unfortunately very large and crowded, much like the dorms, but it was in close proximity to most of our classes and the student union. From what Jasper told me, Alice and Bella would be moving into their apartment, which was a couple blocks from ours, two days after us. I was quite anxious too see how things would play out when I saw Bella.

Jasper and I had kept in touch well over the summer, and even though he knew that Maria and I were splitsville, he didn't nose around for details. Given the circumstances with Bella, I decided it was prudent to share the details with him before the girls arrived.

I knew that Jasper wasn't stupid and could clearly sense something between Bella and me last year, but we never discussed it. I gave him the abridged version of things – that I had kissed Bella while I was still with Maria and that things had happened again after the breakup, though Bella didn't realize that. No details were provided, especially not the fact that the second was while Jasper was in the same room. Instead, I opened up about my confusing feelings for her and what to expect when she came around. He was non-judgmental about things and assured me that he was always around to talk if I needed it. I appreciated his words and promised myself that I would try to be more open in the future, at least with Jasper and Bella.

I wasn't especially surprised that Bella seemed to avoid me. We all ended up at the same back to school party two nights before classes started. She looked at me nervously when she and Alice walked in, her face paling for a moment before she offered me a weak smile. I was respectful of her hesitance and didn't try to get too close that night. We drifted around one another, but never personally interacted. If Alice noticed, she didn't say anything that I was aware of.

Despite our lack of communication, I couldn't keep my eyes off her whenever we were in the same room. She looked good, like, _really _good. Better than she had last semester, in fact. At first, I thought I was just convincing myself about that since she was such a frequent player in my thoughts lately, but after a few minutes of quiet observation, I knew it wasn't just in my head. Her hair was just slightly different. It looked like she had some of those layer things added and she now sort of had bangs that hung in her eyes. Her body was more toned, too. Of course, I didn't really see a great deal of her skin exposed, but in her skirt and tee shirt, I noticed that she had more definition. It made me wonder if she had been working out over the summer or if it was something she had done recreationally that had caused those changes. More than anything, else I noticed the way her eyes sparkled when she was with her friends. That wasn't anything new, though.

All I wanted was to talk to her as the semester set in, but I gave her space. Inevitably, there would come a time when we would be in the same place at the same time, and we would simply have to talk. I could wait, though. I had hurt her and damaged our friendship on my own, and I was dealing with the consequences. Even if she never wanted anything more from me than friendship, I would accept that.

A few weeks passed with the flurry of new classes and activities, and from what Alice said when she visited our apartment, things were busy in the sorority as well. I wanted to see Bella or call her sometime, but I didn't. She didn't call me, either, but she emailed. I couldn't help but find it humorous that we went to the same school, saw each other at parties, and lived two blocks apart with people who were dating and we limited our interaction to stinking _emails_. I would take whatever I could get, though.

They started simple with discussions about our class schedules and what we were involved in otherwise. One a day was a treat. As we settled into a comfortable routine, there would often be several exchanged in a single day, but that always depended up how busy we were at any given time. Each was accompanied by a fraction more comfort, and we would occasionally throw in personal questions or details. I was getting to know Bella better this way, and I was letting her into my life, practicing my "open and honest" thing through our letters. Each time one would pop up in my inbox, a huge smile would spread across my face. Even if we weren't together physically, we were growing closer.

Homecoming was the second weekend of October, and by then, I felt it was time to end our little pen pal game. I didn't want the emails to stop, necessarily; I just wanted to see Bella. _Really_ see her…and talk to her…and hug her. It was getting to a point where it was just weird to grow so close emotionally, but then act as if we weren't friends when we happened to see each other. I was putting an end to that.

Jasper was going to meet the girls for tailgating before the football game, not that any of us were actually going to the game, and I invited myself along. Bella answered the door when we arrived, and her eyes widened when she saw me standing behind Jasper. He gave me a reassuring nod before going into Alice's room, leaving Bella and I alone in the kitchen.

"Hey…." she said nervously.

I gave her a half smile, feeling just as ill at ease as she looked. "I know I said I would give you all the time you wanted, but time's up. I don't want stuff to be weird anymore."

To my amazement, Bella actually appeared relieved by what I said. "I don't want that either," she admitted.

Without thinking, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to me until our bodies collided and I could wrap her up in my arms. She seemed to melt into me, accepting my embrace and returning it with a firm squeeze. It was pure fucking Heaven. Stroking her hair, I beckoned her to lift her eyes.

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday last month."

"It's all right," she shrugged. "I don't like birthdays anyway. The only good part is that I'm twenty-one now," she laughed lightly.

"Yeah? I like older women," I teased, smiling down at her.

She stuttered, trying to say something, but nothing came out for all her effort. After holding my gaze for a moment, her mouth fell open and she shook her head. She looked away and quickly turned herself out of my arms.

"Can I get you something to drink before we go?" she offered, pulling a carton of orange juice from the fridge and moving toward the cupboard for a glass. She glanced over her shoulder at me as she reached inside.

I nodded. "Juice would be good, thanks."

She handed me a glass after pouring them, our fingers brushing accidentally as I took it from her. I lifted the glass to my lips, tasting the tanginess and feeling the bits of pulp hit my tongue as our eyes locked together once more. I couldn't help staring, and I didn't even realize I had drunk the entire thing in one long, continuous sip until the cold liquid stopped flooding my mouth. My eyes moved to the inside of my empty glass, then back to Bella. She chuckled at me and sipped her own juice.

"Thirsty?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," I said, scrunching my face awkwardly.

A moment later, our friends appeared, asking if we were ready to go. After grabbing our beer coolers, we headed out to the stadium parking lot.

Tailgating was pretty fun, and even though things were a little weird and still a tad "off" between us, it was much better than the avoidance game we had played this semester, dancing around one another but never truly interacting. I felt as if we were heading in a positive direction.

The drinking continued at a barbeque at one of our friend's house later. They had gotten a projector somewhere and had the televised version of the football game playing on the side of the house while everyone mingled and ate. Bella and I parted for a while, but we didn't have any trouble acclimating ourselves again when one of us came back around. By evening, I'd had more than enough to drink that day, and I didn't really feel up for continuing that into the night.

Everyone split up before dinnertime, temporarily parting to eat, clean up, or nap. I was doing the latter in hopes that I would feel refreshed for the nighttime festivities.

It turned out to be a good thing that I decided to stay sober that night because Alice insisted we go to a party that was far enough away from campus that we would have to drive there. I didn't know the people hosting, but we were all assured that it would be fine. Apparently, it was a few KDs throwing the party at their apartment with the help of their boyfriends.

Jasper and I ended up spending most of the party together, as the girls were distracted being wild and crazy with their sorority sisters. We observed them all at play, singing, dancing, and having a seemingly great time. A few girls made attempts to chat me up and flirt, but I had no interest in any of them. Being sober also made me realize how ridiculous some of their attempts were. I kept my eyes trained on Bella at those times, trying to judge how she was reacting to the attention I received. There seemed to be some sort of spark, but I wouldn't fool myself into believing that she was feeling possessive. Something was better than nothing, though.

When everyone was thoroughly partied out, I loaded them all into my car and drove us back to Alice and Bella's apartment building. I walked inside with them, not trusting Twelve-Pack-Jasper to escort two drunken females up three flights of stairs on his own. Bella wrapped her arm around me tightly as I helped her traverse the steps without tripping and falling. Once we got to their apartment, I took the key and opened the door for my friends.

Bella yanked me across the apartment to her bedroom before I had the opportunity protest and quickly closed the door behind us.

"I'll be right back!" she announced, grabbing some pajamas and going into the bathroom.

While she was gone, I retrieved a bottle of water for her from the kitchen and located the aspirin from the cupboard. I placed them on her bedside table just as she returned.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked.

"Oh, I just got you some water and aspirin. You'll probably need those in the morning."

"Thanks," she said, smiling as she approached me. She had changed into thin cotton pajama pants and a tank top that she clearly wasn't wearing a bra with. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and stifled a groan. I opened them again when I felt her arms wrap around my waist. "Hey," she whispered, looking up.

"Hey," I replied, laughing at how cute she was when she was drunk and I was completely sober.

Against my will, she pushed me back until my legs hit her bed and she shoved me hard, making me fall to a seated position. Quite agilely for someone in her condition, she hopped into my lap, straddling my legs and hugging me hard.

"Bella…" I warned, but she only held me tighter.

"What?" she whined. It was quite cute. "I just want to snuggle a little bit."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"At least hug me," she demanded, so I complied.

We sat in silence, and I kept my grip on her firm enough that she couldn't rub herself against my lap too much. Had I not be sober, thing could have gone a very different way, but I knew my resistance was for the best. Bella wasn't necessarily saying that she wanted something to happen between us tonight, but it felt fairly likely. It would only complicate things further, though. I maintained my sensibility, even as she breathed deeply next to my ear, exhaling with a contented hum.

Her hands moved to the back of my head, massaging my scalp with the pads of her fingers and her short fingernails. It may sound fruity, but it was magical. Bella did things to me that made no sense, but I never wanted them to stop.

"Let's get you into bed," I finally said, managing to muster up the right words. She groaned as I slid her off my lap, prompting her to scoot back into bed. I helped her get under the covers and adjust her pillows, but she remained upright, watching me carefully.

"Don't you want me?" she asked innocently, cocking her head to the side adorably.

I growled and shook my head, looking down. "That's the stupidest fucking thing you've ever said, Bella."

"Then come here. Just snuggles." Her arms were opened wide, stretched out in an inviting gesture.

"Not tonight, Angel," I replied without missing a beat. "You need some rest."

She pouted, looking at me with glistening brown eyes that killed me. There was a very big chance I would break if she cried, drunk or not.

"Hey, what's this about?" I asked, maneuvering myself until I was sitting at the edge of her bed, my legs hanging off the side and my body twisted toward hers. I pulled her into another hug.

Her forehead rested against mine and she wound her fingers around my neck. "I want us to be okay. I'm tired of feeling upset or weird or unsure. I just want us to be comfortable and good. Can we?"

"God, Bella, I want to be so good for you." The words fell from my lips without thinking first. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to take her in. I felt her hands on my neck and her breath against my face. Her vanilla and sandalwood scent took me back to a place I loved and hated at the same time, and the soft skin of her cheek was suddenly in my hand. I hadn't even realized I had placed it there.

I continued stroking her cheekbone with my thumb as we sat in silence. I didn't want to do anything else – not yet. My restraint was falling away, so I began to pull back, but not before she pressed her lips against mine. I held myself there for a long moment, feeling how nice that was, and then I extracted myself from her hold.

"Not when you've been drinking, okay?"

She nodded, lying back against her pillow as I stood. I carefully pulled her blankets up, tucking them around her as she settled in for sleep.

"I'll see you soon," I promised as her eyes closed. I flicked off her lamp, placing a light kiss on her forehead before heading home to my own bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Not my characters, just my story. Contrary to my original intention, Chele681 is trying her hand at beta work with this story, and she is fabu. **

**In case you have not heard, the lovely MsKathy has organized a fandom-wide fundraiser for relief efforts in Haiti. For a minimum donation of $5 to the organization or charity of your choice by January 24****th****, you will receive a compilation of one-shots from over 200 authors! The link is available at the top of my profile. If you're looking for a place to give, I chose WorldVision(dot)org. Consider sponsoring a child while you're there =)**

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Part of me wanted to be upset that Peter had turned me down. When I awoke on Sunday morning, I vaguely remembered asking him to stay with me. I also remembered him leaving anyway, but I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him for that. I refused to believe that I would regret anything that could have happened between us, though I definitely would have wished it was under different circumstances.

I had been nervous as shit when he showed up at my apartment before the football game, but as the day progressed, I was glad that he had put an end to our stalemate. It wasn't as though our pen pal relationship was without its advantages, but Alice had a point when she teased me about our "internet dating." Every time she said it, I would immediately defend myself by saying that we definitely weren't dating –not even close - and she would always laugh about it.

That arrangement existed, or at least it began, for one major reason: I wasn't ready to trust Peter again.

Things between us last year were complicated. I meant every angry word that I said to him when we spoke over the summer. I felt like scum for being a part of his cheating, and I spent a great deal of time berating myself over it. I was ashamed of my lack of control, and my self-loathing was the reason that I left the morning after while everyone else was still asleep. It was the same reason that it took me so long to contact him. Even though what we did was incredibly hot and seared into my memory, whether I wanted it there or not, I was still overcome with guilt. I finally got to a point where I knew that I needed to apologize for allowing that to happen. Yes, he was a grown ass man who could make his own decisions, but he wouldn't have done it if my willpower and resistance had been stronger. I had hoped that once we cleared the air, we would be able to move forward without any awkwardness.

I would always be grateful to my friends who helped me step back from the situation and form that resolve during the break between sophomore and junior year.

The first portion of my summer was spent catching up with high school friends, helping my mom in the garden and around the house, and volunteering at a nursing home where my mom used to work as a nurse. She said that there were always residents who enjoyed being read to when they could no longer do so themselves. The plethora of audio books available these days helped with that hobby, but it lacked the personal touch. As a literature nut and English major, my mom made the suggestion to me a few years ago. It was a pleasant way to pass the time, and it was extremely fulfilling to give that sort of gift to someone else.

Mrs. Grappler was one of my favorites. We had met three years ago, and there was just something about her that always drew me back to her side. When I first called her by her formal name, she scoffed at me and said that Mrs. G. was not acceptable either.

"_My name's Gertrude, though that probably sounds a little silly to you. How's Gigi sound?"_

"_I think it's perfect."_

She was my friend. Over the years, her vision grew progressively worse, making my recitation of her favorite classics even more valuable. Gigi had been an English teacher for years, which was how she met her late husband, William. They spent their entire lives in Central Washington, and when William passed away, her children moved her to Seattle.

Gigi was special. We would spend hours talking about anything and everything we could think of, from stories of her life to books, and my favorite, nursing home gossip. She was a riot, and I never tired of being with her. I would always comply when she joked about monopolizing my time and shooed me away to visit other residents.

Aside from her vision and the natural toll of eighty-six years of life, Gigi had some other health issues. I never asked or tried to find out information that she didn't offer, though. Respecting her privacy was important to me, and I knew she appreciated that I spent time with her because I enjoyed her company, not because I felt bad for whatever her ailments may have been.

Somehow, I repeatedly found myself opening up to her about my life. She had so much knowledge and wisdom to share, yet she took an interest in my mundane stories. It always amused me, and in turn, she found great humor in my bashful hesitance to share. The truth was that it was actually quite easy to open up to Gigi, but I didn't want to over share about my social life and risk altering her opinion of me. Being a college student now was much different than when she was my age. Nonetheless, I found myself pouring my heart out to her about Peter one late June afternoon.

"_So what you're getting at is that you had improper relations with this boy, and that's why you feel bad now?" she asked. Her bluntness left me stunned._

"_Gigi!" I gasped. "I…I…"_

"_Well did you?"_

"_Umm, yes…? But not in the way you're probably thinking."_

"_More than kissing, less than sex?"_

"_Something like that."_

"_Bella, honey girl, I may be old, but I'm not naïve. I know how the world works these days."_

She went on to assure me that it was not the end of the world and that I should not allow something that was in the past to consume the present. She told me to give it time and assured me that I would know the right thing to do when the opportunity came. Gigi was the only person I actually discussed that situation with, and I knew that she was the best one for the job. I still felt terrible that it had happened the way it did, but I allowed myself to move forward and focus on other aspects of my life, even if that unresolved issue still lingered in my mind.

A few days later, my parents and I headed out for our annual summer trip to Forks to visit the family. Each year, we spent the first two weeks of July on the Olympic Peninsula, which was always a nice change from the city. We had done it since I was a kid, and the summer never felt complete until then. We all had our favorite things to do while we were there: Dad loved fishing with his buddies, Mom caught up with her sister and had girl time, and I spent the majority of my time on the Quileute reservation, enjoying the beach whenever the weather cooperated.

My dad had been best friends with a couple of guys on the rez since they were young, so I had known all of their kids my entire life. Even though we only saw each other in the summer and a few other scattered dates throughout the year, it didn't make us any less of friends. I can remember sending letters to each other when we were younger, then, during high school, there were plenty of phone calls, emails, and instant messages exchanged. I even went to their prom with one of the guys when I was in eleventh grade.

As we got older, some things changed. People dated and broke up, some had summer jobs or traveled, and a few of the older "kids" moved away for college, work, or marriage. The group that remained was tight-knit, and even though they teased me about being the only "pale face" within the clique, I was always welcomed with open arms.

That summer was no different, and I was grateful for the change of scenery. I loved and missed my college friends, but I had only been there for one semester since transferring. The pack, as they had nicknamed themselves sometime when we were kids – I can't even remember why anymore – were my oldest and dearest friends.

The first time I was able to see them was on the Fourth of July. Even though the holiday wasn't exactly something you would think Native Americans would be excited about, we always celebrated big. The day was spent on the beach with all our families socializing and enjoying a barbeque. That night, our parents went back to their respective homes while we continued the festivities with a huge bonfire up on the cliffs.

The entire day was a blast, and I spent hours talking and catching up with everyone. Late in the evening, full of burgers and beer, I sat with Jacob and admired the fire. His father, Billy, was my dad's best friend, so I knew Jake better than anyone. When I was thirteen and he was twelve, I was his first real kiss, the product of a game of Truth or Dare during a similar bonfire. We had kissed two other times over the years, but it never went beyond that.

I always had the feeling that Jacob had a bit of a crush on me, but I didn't see him as much more than a friend. I would say that he was more like a little brother, but that would be sort of gross. We got along great, and he was just so damn sweet. Caring, loyal, funny, easy-going…all those words described him well, yet my mind wouldn't go _there_ with him. That summer, however, something was different. After his first year of college, Jacob was, for lack of a better term, _hot_.

He still had a hint of his baby face with cheeks you wanted to pinch, but he had a body like a WWE wrestler, and his thick, dark hair was now cropped short and stylishly. When he smiled at me, it made me smile in a different sort of way than I usually did with him.

I let him slide his arm around my waist at the campfire, and when I was ready to go home, he called my dad to pick me up. None of us were in any condition to drive, so even though our parents knew we weren't all of the legal age to drink, they accepted that this was really no different from what we did at college, and they promised to come get us when the party was over.

We said goodnight to everyone, and Jacob held my hand as I stumbled down the dark, wooded trail that led back to the road. He laughed as I tripped over roots and rocks, steadying me before I could fall. We stood on the side of the road facing one another, and I didn't object when he bent down and kissed me.

Then…nothing.

The kissing part felt good, as did his warm arms wrapped around me, but there was no spark. Well, at least not on my end. No matter how I tried to manipulate my emotions, I could not make myself want more from him. That didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the physical side of things, though.

The rest of my trip involved a great deal of fun with my friends, accompanied by a healthy dose of make out time with Jacob. He taught me how to rock climb and rappel on the cliffs, and we spent a lot of time practicing that. It was an intense workout, and I was surprised that I enjoyed it. I wondered how much of that had to do with Jacob and how much was solely because of the activity. No matter what we did, I was honest with Jake about my feelings – or lack thereof – and he accepted it for what it was. He always had that look of hope in his eyes, but he was old enough to know the difference between a little fun and something serious. It occupied our time and sated my desire for a little affection, and that was good enough for me.

I had been having such a good time with everyone that I decided to stay a little longer after my parents went home. Since I didn't have any real obligation back in Seattle and my grandparents loved the idea of an extra long visit, my parents agreed to come pick me up a week and a half later.

Jacob and I continued to spend time together, and I made sure to fit in dinners with my family and playtime with my younger cousins. Everything was laidback and going well until I received a distressed phone call from my mother on the fifth morning after they left.

"_Honey, I'm so sorry, but I think you might like to come home. It's…it's Gigi, baby. The nursing home called. The doctors are only giving her a few days."_

When Jacob arrived not long after to pick me up for a day on the beach, I was busy packing my things while I waited for my dad to come get me. He offered to drive me back to the city, pointing out that I would get there faster that way, so I agreed. We stopped in La Push so he could grab a change of clothes, and we started the drive immediately.

We didn't even stop at my parents' house before we went to the nursing home. I rushed inside, with Jacob close behind, and the head nurse on duty immediately knew why I was there. I asked how Gigi was doing and if I could see her. I was allowed into her room after she had been given a dose of painkillers in her IV.

She didn't look very different than the last time I had seen her, other than appearing very tired. She opened her eyes when I approached, sniffling and holding back my tears.

"_Is that you, my honey girl? I'd know that little whimper anywhere. Now get over here and sit with me for a while."_

I laughed at her sassiness, even as she waited on death's doorstep, and sat beside her, taking her hand in mine. She asked who was with me, and I introduced her to Jacob. We talked together, but Gigi was tired. Mostly, Jacob and I shared stories with her about my vacation in Forks and La Push, and she smiled and laughed breathily when she could. The entire visit was heartbreaking for me, but I was exactly where I needed to be. She didn't seem afraid to die, but I was riddled with guilt for having left her when we could have had so much more time together if it weren't for my vacation.

Her sons returned after a couple hours, so I excused myself, promising to return the next day. All the while, I selfishly hoped that she would still be alive when I came back so that I could get a little more time with her. To my surprise, she asked everyone for a moment alone with me, which I willingly agreed to give her. I sat back in my chair at her bedside, and she turned her head toward mine. I wondered if she could even see the blurry outline of me any longer, but I didn't ask. She simply squeezed my hand and began to speak.

"_Bella, sweet girl, you've been so good to me, and I don't want you to be upset when I'm gone. The Lord's calling me home, and I get to go be with my William now. Now listen to me good. That boy, he's not your college boy, is he?"_

"_No, he's not."_

"_Mmm hmm, I could tell. He's a nice boy, Bella, but he's not the right one for you. I don't need my eyes to see that. Honey, I don't know if that other young man is the one for you either, but if I've learned one thing in my life, it's that you can't let unresolved situations keep you from finding your happy. You do what you need to do so you can get over that hurt. I know it's a burden on your sweet heart, so find a way to learn from it and live your life. It's a gift to have this time on Earth, so don't ever let the heavy things weigh you down. Remember that with your boy and in everything you do. And always remember that I love you."_

Again, I promised to return the following morning before I left. Jacob had stayed that night at my parent's house and allowed me to cry on his shoulder and deal with my inevitable loss. He accompanied me the following morning when I went to see Gigi again. Her sons were already in her room, along with their wives. I didn't want to interrupt, but they insisted I join them. Gigi was no longer lucid, but she had asked that I read to her one last time. The request made tears stream down my face instantly, but I sucked them back with the help of an encouraging hug from Jacob, and I read some of her favorite poetry. After a while, I left the family alone, giving Gigi one final kiss on her forehead and whispering "I love you" so that only she could hear.

Her words stayed with me after we left, after Jacob returned to La Push, and long after the funeral. It took more than a week before I could return to my volunteering duties at the nursing home, and even then, I wasn't the same.

I missed Gigi, but I knew that wallowing in my own self-pity over the loss would have only upset her if she had been around to see me. In a way, her death gave me a new perspective on life. I always asked her about her past and her experiences, so I knew I needed to take those things to heart and listen to her. She had lived much longer than me, and she had wisdom to impart.

I thought about all the advice she had given me about Peter and about living in the present, not with past regret. I wanted to do that, if not for myself, then in her honor. I knew that I needed to face him eventually, and even if it was difficult, I needed to make peace with him in order to forgive myself.

The friend request I sent on Facebook was my first step. I vacillated over that decision for at least ten minutes once I had his page pulled up on my computer screen. My arrow hovered over the request button, taunting me to just suck it up and click. As soon as I did, I signed out and turned off my computer. I wanted to say that I waited patiently to see what he would do, but I didn't. I checked my notifications several times a day, anxious to see if he had been online and accepted…or denied.

After several days, I had made myself incredibly self-conscious about the whole thing, convinced that he had told Maria about our night together and that she had forbidden him from ever speaking to me again if he wanted to stay with her. Many other similar scenarios ran through my mind, each equally torturous and self-loathing.

Then, I signed on one day and saw that he had accepted. I immediately lurked through his profile, searching for activity, new photos, or any kind of information that would give me an indication of how he was doing since I had last seen him. To my surprise, there were no pictures added since the previous Christmas, and his wall was relatively inactive. He didn't play games or use any of the applications on the site. Finally, I noticed something shocking in his personal information. His profile said that he was single. Single, as in without a girlfriend, no Maria, no anyone.

A swell of irrational anger boiled in my stomach, combined with confusion. I felt almost jilted that he hadn't contacted me when he and Maria broke up, but then again, why would he? He didn't owe me anything, and for all I knew, he was devastated over the breakup, whenever it had occurred. All those unexpected emotions made me impulsive. I noticed that he was online and immediately sent him a message, questioning him about his status.

Then came the fury.

I could not wrap my head around how or why he would not tell me about Maria breaking up with him when we were still at school. He led me to believe that they were still together, and his omission made me think I was something and someone I despised. He deserved each ugly, bitter thing I said to him, as far as I was concerned, and to my surprise, he took every insult without argument.

I was a taken aback by his willingness to talk to me about the breakup and how he was feeling, but the more he told me, the more sympathetic I became. I didn't want to be mad at him any longer – that had gone on long enough – but I didn't know how to _not_ be. Instead of focusing on myself, I listened to his words and tuned into the sincerity of them. Even if what he had done was completely stupid and shitty, I could sort of, almost, maybe understand his reasoning for not telling me. The only comfort I could muster was from the way he insisted that I wasn't some random girl to him, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't sure how I could find a way to trust him enough to consider him a real friend again.

Summer passed quickly after that conversation. I found a rock climbing gym in the city and continued my new hobby while I could; the fall semester would not allow for much of that. It was soon time to move back to school and into my new apartment with Alice, so I did my best to keep thoughts of Peter on the back burner. We stayed in touch but just barely.

Our paths crossed at a party before classes started, and seeing him again made me nervous and uneasy. I knew that I wasn't ready to let everything go just yet. He had really hurt me, and I needed him to prove that I was worth the effort. I couldn't bring myself to spend time interacting with him, so we emailed. A lot. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. We took a break from discussing his previous relationship and focused on one another. We told each other about our classes, the activities we were involved in, and other typical school-related subjects. Eventually, our conversations moved away from those impersonal details and into friendlier territory. Opinions on life at school filtered in, and eventually, we were asking questions and sharing stories.

I looked forward to those emails, and whenever I saw one from Peter, I would reply as soon as my schedule allowed. It filled in the gaps and mended many of the holes in our broken friendship. There were no distractions of sexual attraction or drunken decision-making to screw things up when we continued to interact that way. By the end of September, I felt so much better about everything, but it was overruled by the fear of what could or would happen if we spent time together again. Would things have the same ease as our pleasant email banter or would they be awkward? Would Peter expect me to jump into a physical relationship? Would I be able to resist that if he did?

I had grown accustomed to my safety zone with him, and I was hesitant to risk losing that. If we spent time together and found that we couldn't get along that way, I knew that I would hate not having him in my life at all. So instead of taking the chance and reinstating our friendship, I continued with the good thing we had going. I didn't take the chance; I wasn't brave enough.

However, I couldn't be upset that Peter showed up at my apartment unannounced with Jasper and spent the entire day with us. He did what I was afraid to, and I was grateful.

It was a good day, no, a great day. We fell into an easy pattern together, talking, laughing, and enjoying the company of someone we hadn't truly seen in a very long time. It felt nice and comfortable and right to be around him that way again. I loved how easy and seamless it was, even though it was unexpected. There was something different in his demeanor. I could not keep my eyes off him; it was as though I was studying his every move, trying to read him and determine what was going on in his mind.

Of course, the more I watched Peter, the more I remembered why I was attracted to him in the first place. There were obviously his physical attributes, and those were definitely noteworthy, but it was more than that. He had a way of making people laugh so easily, and when he smiled…damn, his whole face lit up with something that went deeper. All his charms resurfaced, and I couldn't help but feel that same old draw toward him, like I was a moth gravitating toward a light.

By evening, my good spirits were tangible and contagious. Peter and Jasper hung back from all the girls at my sorority sisters' party, but every time I looked at him, his eyes were on me. The feelings that stirred inside me were exciting and frightening all at once. Then, to see him turn down the advances of my friends when he could have easily had practically anything he wanted from them, well, that was as much as I could take. He was too much, too sexy, too enticing.

I just needed to have him close to me. I didn't actually mean to throw myself at him, but in my drunken state, it was difficult to choose the most sensible course of action. Even if he would have spent the night with me, I would have been completely satisfied with only snuggling, as I said. Then again, given our track record, he did us a both a favor. He was a good guy, even if he had made mistakes. Lord knows I had, too. The fact that he didn't want to take advantage of the situation because I was drunk reaffirmed my trust in him as it was slowly rebuilding.

Thoughts of Peter and recall of the previous night flooded my dreams and filled my head from the moment I awoke. I smiled at the memory of his lips on mine…of my plea for things to be better and no longer strained between us…of his confession that he wanted to be good for me, in whatever respect he meant that.

Turning toward my bedside table, I noticed the bottle of water and aspirin sitting there. Oddly enough, the sight made me smile. It was a caring gesture, and I truly appreciated it. Propping myself up on my side, I twisted the cap off the bottle and swallowed the pain relievers, chasing them with a long sip. I didn't feel terrible, but I preferred to be proactive in the event that a more severe headache would kick in later.

The apartment was quiet, so I showered, tidied up my room, and set out all the books and notebooks I would need for my Monday classes. After gathering a basketful of laundry, I carried it out to the kitchen where our stacked-unit washer and dryer sat within a closet. I started a load in the washer and brewed a pot of coffee to help me wake up. As I waited to transfer my clothes to the dryer, I sat at the kitchen table enjoying my caffeine and formulating a plan. I was nervous, anxious, and hesitant, but I knew what I needed to do, or what I _wanted_ to do, at least. I had to act while the opportunity was available.

By the time the spin cycle skidded to a halt, my leg was bouncing furiously. I switched my laundry over quickly, then practically ran into my bathroom to brush my teeth and check my make-up. I smoothed my hair down with my hands, fighting a wayward wave and finally giving up after several attempts. I stared at my reflection, took a deep breath, and gave myself a reassuring nod.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in front of a nondescript wooden door. The number was slightly lopsided and there were scuff marks at the base where someone had probably pushed the door open with their foot while carrying groceries inside.

_Snap out of it!_ I chided myself.

_Right, I need to actually knock…_

Within moments, the door opened, and the sight before me caught me completely off guard. I knew I was going to see Peter; I had _obviously_ come here to talk to him because I knew he would be home alone, but I had not anticipated finding him in his current state.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, staring shamelessly at him.

He was looking back at me, eyes slightly widened. One of his hands remained on the doorknob while he held a tee shirt in the other, as if he had just taken it off. He was in green mesh running shorts and sneakers, his long, toned calves uncovered. Then, there was his chest. Glory be to God who created this man because those abs were worth a chorus of _Hallelujahs_. I was familiar with the shape of his body, but not like this, never like this. He wasn't overly sculpted anywhere, except for his arms, but it was all a nice, tight package of sweat-soaked skin and a subtle hint of hair on his lower belly. I noticed freckles scattered on his shoulders and arms, as well as a few others here and there along his torso. It all led me up to his gorgeous face, bearing a slight layer of stubble across his jaw and the same sheen of sweat that coated the rest of his body.

I was certain that I had never made such a thorough assessment of a man ever, let alone over the course of approximately ten seconds.

"Bella?" he said smoothly, but the confusion in his voice was evident. He lifted his shirt and wiped his face and neck dry with it as he waited for my response, and then he stared down at the crumpled cotton as though he was unsure what to do with it. He scrubbed it over the top of his head quickly, leaving behind a messy disarray of the strands that he kept longer than he had sophomore year. My stomach flipped. Finally, he settled on wrapping the shirt around the back of his neck, allowing either end to dangle over his collarbone.

"I, umm…I just…"

"Do you want to come in?" he asked, smirking slightly. I returned it with a half smile. My eyes drifted away from his face as I stepped inside, lingering on the dark trail of hair leading into his shorts and, _oh god_, the lightly defined _V_ at his hips…

I attacked him.

There was no nice way to put it. I literally pushed myself inside, slamming the door behind me, and I grabbed the ends of the tee shirt around his neck, yanking him toward me. He was forced to bend down to meet me, and I just kept pulling until he was close enough for me to lean up and fold my lips over his.

"Fuck," I mumbled again, sliding one of my hands to the back of his neck and allowing the other to trace over his moist skin. My fingertips studied his abs, relishing the feeling of him.

Peter hummed appreciatively as he responded to my kiss, opening his mouth to allow our tongues to slide together. He tasted like mint gum and Gatorade and fucking perfection all at once. I hoped he didn't mind my coffee and toothpaste mixed in there.

His hands moved to my waist, and instead of continuing to pull him, I pushed so that he walked backwards until we hit the high kitchen counter. I nudged him into a barstool, kissing him again as I moved in between his legs.

"Hey, hey, slow down." I heard his words as my lips slid toward his neck, but I didn't obey.

"No."

"_Bella…_"

"I don't understand what the problem is here," I scowled when he shoved me back gently, holding me half an arms-length away with his hands on my shoulders.

He drew a deep breath, shaking his head and lightly grinning at me, but there was something else he was holding back. "There's no problem, I just want to do things right."

"This feels pretty right to me," I said, pushing my hips against him.

He groaned, but quickly stood, spinning me around and lifting me onto the stool before I could object. "Just…hold on," he insisted.

I pouted, folding my arms over my chest. He remained at least a foot away from me, but when he extended his hand, I took it. I watched him raise it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on my knuckles before he spoke.

"Bella, I seriously have no idea where that came from, but I'm not opposed to finding out." He dropped my hand, gesturing toward himself. "I just got back from the fitness center. Let me take a quick shower, and we'll go get some brunch. Sound good?"

"Sure," I nodded, still slightly disappointed, but temporarily appeased.

"I'll be right out. Make yourself at home."

He slipped out of the room before I could object or respond, so I looked around, trying to find something to occupy me while I waited. I noticed some dishes in the sink and on the counter, as well as some other small messes in the kitchen, so I started cleaning up and loading the dishwasher, simply out of habit.

I hadn't meant for things to happen quite as they had, but seeing Peter right after his workout, all manly and sexy, well, _damn_. My better judgment was gone before I had time to reconsider.

In a way, I was frustrated with myself because resistance seemed to be the root my trouble with Peter. I knew that wasn't _entirely_ true since misunderstandings, a lack of honesty, and miscommunication factored in, too, but there was absolutely no denying that we shared something chemical, visceral, and undeniable. He was right that we needed to slow down, even if my libido had distracted me for a minute back there.

I was so immersed in my cleaning that I didn't hear him come up behind me until his breath was in my ear and his hands were placed softly on my hips.

"I didn't know this visit included maid service," he teased in a low, husky voice.

I jumped and shrieked stupidly, so he wrapped his arms around me from behind and gave me a light squeeze.

"Holy hell, Peter!"

He chuckled. "Calm down, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Sure you didn't," I teased sarcastically, feeling my heartbeat return to a normal pace. He dropped his chin to my shoulder and sighed.

"Come on, I promised you brunch."

I spun around slowly and looked him over as he backed away. He looked amazing in jeans and a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, but that sort of thing was to be expected with him. I couldn't help but stare at his forearms for several moments, thinking about how strong and sexy his arms were beneath his sleeves.

"Should I take it off?"

My cheeks burned, believing that he was calling me out on my ogling. "What?"

"Well, you're scowling at my shirt. Should I change into something else?"

"Oh…oh geez, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…never mind. Should we get going?"

"Sure," he said with a laugh. I wasn't entirely convinced that he believed my gawking was about liking or disliking his choice of clothing, but I preferred to stay quiet about the matter rather than admit that I was nearly drooling on him moments before.

He drove us to a waffle shop a few minutes away, and we slid into the small booth, facing one another. It was the kind of place that the tables were worn and the coffee was obscenely strong, but the food came out fast and it was delicious. I ordered a Belgian waffle smothered in blueberries, butter, and whipped cream, and Peter had an omelet with a side of home fries and a short stack of pancakes. The food was fantastic and I ate too much, but it was the perfect follow-up to an entire day of drinking. When the check came, he insisted that it was his treat, so I thanked him for that.

We didn't discuss what had happened earlier or the way I had kissed him when he took me home Saturday night, but the time we spent together was comfortable. We talked like old friends who were getting together after a long time apart. That was partially true, given the circumstances, but it wasn't as though we hadn't been in contact at all.

I felt unexpectedly sad when he drove back toward my apartment. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him, and it was still early in the day.

"Do you want to hang out a little longer?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean, if you don't have other stuff to do today."

"Yeah, sure," he said, looking over at me and smiling in that familiar way that always made my mind a little fuzzy. "Your place or mine?"

"Umm, let me find out what Alice is doing." I pulled my phone from my purse and realized that I didn't need to call. She had sent me a text a few minutes prior saying that Jasper had a study group and she was going shopping.

"Are you going to call?"

"Oh, sorry," I replied. "I guess either of our places would be fine. We've both been abandoned for the day." I held my phone up and wagged it in his direction.

"Well, how about my apartment then?" he asked. "That way, I don't have to worry about parking at yours."

We walked through his door a few minutes later, and I left my shoes by the welcome mat.

"So…what would you like to do?"

"I don't know, I guess just talk, maybe?" I suggested, biting my lip.

"We've been talking a lot. What did you have in mind?"

"Can we sit down first?"

He nodded. "Of course. Do you want to sit out here in the living room, or uh, we could go in my bedroom."

"Maybe your bedroom?" I smiled. "I'm so stuffed from brunch."

He agreed, and I followed him into his room. It was the first time I had been in there, and my eyes unintentionally wandered, examining photographs, books, a couple posters, furniture, and his desk.

"Sit?" His offer brought me out of my observation, and I sat down at the end of the bed, curling my legs underneath me.

For a long while, we both just sat there, unsure of what to say. Things hadn't been awkward at brunch, but it felt as if the tone had changed. We were alone and had the opportunity to actually discuss things. I really wanted to do that, but I had no idea where to start. After a few minutes, Peter readjusted himself, lying on his back with his hands folded behind his head. He glanced at me once, then stared up at the ceiling. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to start the conversation or if I was waiting for him. Eventually, I dropped onto my side with a heavy sigh, stretching my legs and propping my head up on my bent arm.

"So…"

"So…"

"I don't want to go back to the weirdness," he said, turning his head to the side to face me. "Yesterday was really nice, and today has been pretty good too, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Okay then, I'm not sorry," I laughed lightly. "I just…don't know what to say."

He looked back at the ceiling for a moment, closing his eyes to think. I wanted to know what was going through his mind, and without thinking, I voiced that desire.

"What's going on in there? Just tell me what you're thinking at this exact moment."

He looked at me again, his blue eyes hopeful and a small smile pulling his lips upward. "You sure you want to know?"

"Of course," I replied, even though his expression made me nervous for some strange reason.

"I'm just happy," he admitted, still smiling. "I was a total shithead to you last year, yet you find it your heart to still talk to me, still put forth the effort, and now you're here."

That wasn't the first time he had said something to that effect. For whatever reason, Peter hinted at the idea that he didn't deserve to have a place in my life. If I had heard it several times, I wondered how often he thought that way. I knew it couldn't be something he said to appease me when he brought it up so often.

"I don't want to feel like we need to play catch up anymore, Peter. You've explained things to me, you've apologized, and we've worked on stuff. I lost someone really special to me over the summer, and if I learned anything from her, it's that holding onto the shitty parts of life only make you a miserable person. I don't want to be that way, and I don't want us to keep going over that stuff again and again. I want to move forward."

His eyebrows crinkled and a look of sympathy lingered on his face. "Do you want to talk about it…I mean, about her? Whoever she was…"

"You really want to know?" I asked, trying to assess whether his suggestion was sincere or simply a polite gesture. I saw nothing but genuine interest in his pretty cobalt eyes.

He nodded, rolling onto his side and mirroring my position to face me. "Yeah, of course I do. You can talk to me about anything. I would listen to you recite your grocery list just to hear your voice."

"You're such a dork!" I teased.

He shrugged a shoulder and softly kicked me to urge me to begin.

I told him all about Gigi, how long I had known her, and all the special times we had together. Of course, I omitted the parts about discussing him, but that was too private to share. He asked me questions about my volunteer work in general and why I loved it so much, and then I eventually described returning home when she was close to the end and the time I spent with her.

We had inched closer to one another as we spoke, which I didn't really notice until tears were falling at the memory of Gigi's passing. Peter reached out to wipe them away, providing me with whatever comfort he could.

"Bella, can I…?" he asked, gesturing that he wanted to hug me. I nodded my consent – I needed that physical comfort – and he pulled me against him. I buried my face in his neck as he tucked one arm beneath me and wrapped the other one over my shoulder. It only took a few minutes for my tears to dissolve, but I didn't want to let go.

My body relaxed when my crying jag ended, and I carefully pulled my top arm from between us to wrap around his waist. We were silent, but there was so much communication still happening between our bodies. He stroked my hair, and I snuggled closer. I pressed my leg against his, and he hooked his over mine. He kissed the top of my head, and I lifted my mouth to kiss the bottom of his chin. It was quiet and slow, cautious and respectful.

"Bella?" he said after a while. I hummed, keeping my eyes closed but turning my face toward his. "I'm going to kiss you."

I didn't have to wait long for him to follow through. He moved only enough to align us properly, and then his lips were pressed softly against mine. Everything about that union was gentle and carefully timed. There was no hurry or selfish force, and I found myself slightly ashamed of the way I had launched myself at him earlier that day. This was the complete opposite of our earlier kissing, but the same passion was there. We were both exactly where we wanted to be, still unsure of what direction we were moving in but content to figure it all out together.

He rolled me back, angling the top half of his body over mine and allowing our hands to move and feel more. The weight of him against me was sensual and opened my mind to more possibilities of things we could do in his bed, but I didn't allow myself to linger there. I was happy just kissing and enjoying those moments.

When he pulled away and gazed down at me, I immediately missed the contact, but I was okay with it. There was no hurry necessary. I wasn't sure where that feeling came from, I just…knew.

I was surprised when he brushed my hair out of my face and spoke.

"I know this is a little late, but I need to ask you something."

"What?" I asked in confusion, leaning up on my elbows. I honestly had no idea what he was thinking.

"Is there anything I should know about, or any_one_, I should say? I don't want to assume anything, but your pictures on Facebook from the summer…that guy?"

It took me a moment to realize what he meant; it had been several months since I had posted the photos of my vacation and all my friends in La Push. When I thought about what he meant, it occurred to me that there were a lot of pictures of Jacob and me. I had never considered what Peter would infer from those.

"Oh, no, Peter. Anyone you saw there was just a friend. I don't think you need to hear all the details of my summer, but I'm not dating anybody. I mean, I would not be here with you if there was someone else. Not after everything last year."

"I'm sorry that I insinuated that you would do something like that, especially after…yeah, all that. But I just wanted to be sure."

"I get it," I assured him. I smiled, and he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

He smiled back, kissing my nose before he spoke again. "It's just that…I like this a lot. I don't know what we're doing, and I guess we don't really have to know yet, but I like…you."

As I absorbed his confession, a huge smile spread across my face. He said he liked me. God, it was such a juvenile thing to feel so giddy about that, but it was exactly how he made me feel. Things started out so bumpy for us that it was hard for me to distinguish between lust and deeper feelings. Yes, we had needed all those emails and the time apart to get to know each other better and work on our issues, but there was no way of knowing if that meant as much to him as it did to me. It seemed like he wanted more than something casual, but I needed to hear him say those words to fully understand and accept it.

"That's good," I whispered, looking into his eyes coyly, "because I kinda like you, too."

"Just kinda?" he asked, pouting. I poked him in the ribs, and his pout quickly turned to a smile. That escalated into a poking war, which eventually evolved into tickle torture that didn't stop until I rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud _thunk_.

"Oww…" I groaned, but I was still laughing.

"Oh shit, Bella! Are you okay?" he asked, hopping off the bed and squatting on the floor next to me. "I didn't mean to do that."

"I'm fine, I promise. I'll get you back when you least expect it, though, so be prepared!"

We spent a little more time together that night before I decided to head home. I needed to make dinner, and there were still a couple small assignments I had to complete before class on Monday. There was, of course, a bit more making out before he would let me leave, but I didn't complain.

The next two weeks were spent adjusting to our new development, but we never actually defined what we were to one another. Considering that we spent time together nearly every day since Homecoming, I knew that we were sort of dating, yet we hadn't actually gone out on any dates. We went to a couple parties with our friends, and we didn't hide our affection from anyone, but the words _boyfriend_ and _girlfriend_ were never mentioned. There was still so much to get used to in this new routine that I didn't want to jinx it by asking him about that.

That all changed when we went to see a local band play at a bar near campus. Peter's birthday was a few days before Christmas, so he wasn't quite twenty-one yet, but he was able to be up in the balcony where the underage crowd was restricted to watch the show.

The lack of drinks being served on the second floor didn't keep drunk people from hanging out up there, though. Only a handful of our friends were with us that night, and everyone was scattered throughout the bar. I had gone to use the restroom while Peter talked to a guy he knew from class. When I returned, his friend was gone, and some girl I didn't recognize was standing very close to him.

"Uh, thanks for the offer, but I'm here with someone," I heard him tell her.

"I'm here with some friends too, but that's all right," she purred back at him.

I had no idea what the context of their conversation was, but I automatically assumed the worst.

"No, it's really not," he said.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, slowly dragging her fingers down his sculpted arm. "Why's that? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I…" he started, but she cut him off.

"Whatever," she said flippantly, "I can guarantee that you'd have more fun with me tonight than anyone else in this entire bar." Her tone was suggestive and demeaning, and I'd had enough.

I slid up against Peter's other side, linking my arm in his and kissing his cheek quickly. "Hey, babe, wanna introduce me to your friend?"

He turned his face toward me, looking unsure of how to proceed. "Uh, this is… Well, shit, I don't know your name," he directed at the girl.

"Great!" I said mock-cheerfully, smiling at him before I glared at the girl. "Fuck off, slut," I sneered. "I can _guarantee_ that he's coming home with me tonight."

She just stared at my like a fish with her mouth hanging open while Peter stifled a laugh and pulled me away. We left the girl standing there, dumbfounded, and I playfully – and territorially – smacked his ass.

"Let's go home," he said with a smile.

"Sounds good to me."

The walk to my apartment took twice as long as it should have, but we kept stopping to make out and do other playful, silly things. He told me how much he liked my possessive side, which I tried to play down. Eventually, he made me hop up on his back, and he gave me a piggyback ride the rest of the way.

We were still laughing when we got inside and he chased me to my bedroom. I fell back on my bed and he jumped on top of me. We wrestled around, kissing until I flipped him and straddled his waist. He touched and explored a few moments longer until I stopped and sat back on his thighs.

"What's the matter?" he asked, reaching up to rub my forearms.

"Did it bother you that I chased that girl away? I mean, I didn't really know if you wanted to talk to her, but I…I didn't like it."

He laughed heartily, moving his hands to my hips and pulling me farther up his legs. "Are you for real? I'm pretty sure I told you at least ten times how hot that was. I loved it."

I smiled down at him, biting my lip and dropping my ass down against him. He groaned and bucked slightly.

"Just checking," I said. "She had some pretty big boobs."

"Yeah, nasty fake boobs to match her bleached hair," he snarked.

"How do you know they were fake if you weren't looking, hmmm, mister?" I asked semi-playfully.

He shook his head. "Seriously? She had cleavage up to her collarbone. That's unnatural," he grimaced. He reached up and stroked my cheek briefly before looking at me earnestly.

"So…what does that mean for us?" I swirled my finger on his stomach in a mindless pattern.

"You heard what she asked?"

"Umm…yeah." I nodded.

His thumbs rubbed hard circles into my hips bones. "You want to be my girlfriend?"

I nodded again, whimpering at the way he was touching me. His hands slipped under the hem of my shirt and caressed my sides.

"You want me to be your boyfriend?" He scraped his fingernails up toward my ribs.

"Uhh…huh…" I stuttered, nodding a third time.

He pulled me down to him, kissing my neck until his lips were pressed to me ear. "I'll be anything you want me to be, Angel. I've already told you that I want to be good for you. Let me be good…"

"You're good…" I whimpered as his tongue flicked over my earlobe. His teeth clinked against my small hoop earring, causing me to shiver. "Oh, god…"

His mouth moved at a tediously slow pace toward mine, and when he finally kissed me, I couldn't hold back. I pressed my entire body hard against his, biting his lower lip as I ground against him.

"Fuck," he moaned, placing his hands on my ass to guide my movements. "You're so damn hot, Bella," he mumbled against my lips.

My forearms were pressed against the mattress beside his shoulders, so I pushed up to get a good look at him. His expression was blissful, pained, and excited all at once, and that made me work myself over him even harder. I was incredibly grateful that he was wearing khakis instead of jeans and that I was in my favorite stretchy black pants. I could feel how hard he was, and I continued to grind on him in a steady, hard rhythm. He raked his fingers up and down my back beneath my shirt, flicking open the clasp of my bra before he brought his hands around the front to touch me. His teasing, massaging motions made me move faster, and finally, he gave up on toying with me to hold me tightly.

He grunted and groaned, moving wildly beneath me. I wanted so much more of him, but his enthusiastic response to the way I rocked my hips made me hold fast to that position. The sensation was building for me too, so I pressed into him forcefully for several minutes until my entire body trembled and collapsed against him.

"Ungh…Peter!" I cried, forcing myself to continue so that he could come. His fingers dug into my ass, squeezing tightly until his pelvis lifted off the bed and held us as close as possible through our clothes.

We dramatically rolled away from one another, lying side by side on the bed and panting. After catching my breath, I scooted closer to him again and kissed his cheek. His head tipped sideways and our mouths met.

"Stay tonight?" I asked, rubbing up and down his chest.

"You couldn't make me leave, even if you wanted to, Bella."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: These characters do not belong to me, but this sweet version of Peter does. Chele681 takes good care of him for me, which I truly appreciate. The link to a picture of Peter is on my profile. You need to look b/c he is BEAUTIFUL.**

**Thanks to everyone who has given me suggestions for my Peter C2. Many have been rec'd to me several times, but so far, I've only added stories I've read, so I'm not purposely leaving any stories out. Once I have time to read, I will add more!**

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_This must be Heaven…_

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and blinked a few times at the vision beside me. Bella was splayed out on her back, one hand thrown above her head and the other resting on her stomach. Her bare stomach where her tank top had ridden up. The tiny tank top that her tits were practically spilling out of at the moment.

_And there's the morning wood._

I fought myself to keep from molesting the poor girl in her sleep, but she was so fucking hot. After our Thursday night trip to the bar and her subsequent possessive streak, I wasn't sure how long I could hold out. We made the decision to take our relationship to a new level with the boyfriend and girlfriend labels, but I didn't want her to think that I only agreed to it so that I could get in her pants.

I wanted to get in her pants. Badly.

I also wanted to show her that I wasn't the same asshole she fooled around with last year – that I could be respectful and not rush things just to get my dick wet. Not that my dick cared anything about respect. There was no way to tell how long I could hold out and make things good for us.

Bella hummed in her sleep, and I realized that my eyes were still glued to her chest, watching the rise and fall with each steady breath she took. I averted my gaze to her stomach, enjoying the sight of her bare flesh. I found myself rather grateful that she had kicked the blanket down to her waist. Carefully, I placed my hand on her skin, sliding it over and moving it beneath hers. She shifted a little but kept her hand over mine. I tried to hold still and simply enjoy the warmth of her skin and found that my efforts were in vain. My fingers moved of their own volition, sliding back and forth lightly.

After several minutes, she stiffened and stretched, mumbling "Good morning" to me with a sleeping smile. I leaned over, giving her a soft kiss. However, I couldn't stop myself once I was there. I kissed a line across her jaw and down her neck, feasting on the smooth, taut skin. Her pulse beat beneath my lips, and I opened up, adding my tongue and ravishing her neck in a way that made her whimper and moan softly.

Her hands moved to my head, massaging my scalp as I continued sucking and kissing her neck. I propped myself up slightly on one arm while the hand I had on her stomach slowly moved upward. Her little pants and happy sounds urged me to continue. I trailed kisses lower, over her collarbone and toward her chest as my hand slid up her side. She didn't object, so I took my cues from the appreciative noises she made.

Finally, fucking finally, my lips moved to the slope of her breast. My hand was nearly level with my mouth, so I took a chance and pulled down the fabric that covered her. I groaned at the sight of her exposed chest. I had felt her before, but in the dark I had not seen them. The sight was far better than the image I had created in the spank bank, and I had to admire her for a few moments before I leaned back down, swirling my tongue around her nipple just before sucking it between my lips.

Bella squirmed beneath me, her body begging for more, and I was grateful and willing to give it to her. She dug her nails into my head, and I nibbled lightly in response. I could tell that we were both really getting into things when a sharp screeching sound interrupted us.

_Mother. Fucking. Alarm clock._

"Nooooooo," she whined, throwing her arms up and shaking her head.

I paused for a moment to look up at her. "God, turn that thing off," I growled. She did so quickly, and I went back to work.

When she tried to move away from me, I pressed her back against the bed. "Peter, I'm sorry. I have my early class, and I need to get up."

"Nuh uh," I murmured, moving over to the other side and palming the breast I had just abandoned.

"No really, come on."

"I'm not done yet."

After another minute of her trying to fight me off, I finally gave up and rolled to the other side of the bed.

"Can't you skip class?" I asked.

"No, it's a class for my major," she explained, pouting. "Can we pick this up tonight?" she asked hopefully.

"No can do," I said, shaking my head. "We have a hardcore soccer practice today, then we have curfew since we're leaving for our tournament game tomorrow."

This part of things really sucked. While Bella and I were a new item and could hardly keep our hands to ourselves, we hadn't actually done anything more than what had occurred in the past twelve hours. She had an early class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I had early class Tuesday and Thursday. In addition, I had soccer practice or games practically every day except Sunday, and Bella had sorority and club obligations throughout the week. That didn't even factor in all our other courses, study and homework time, and of course, meals. That left us with very limited time together, sometimes only thirty minutes a day.

I wasn't trying to be hesitant or an overly sentimental pussy, but I didn't particularly want to fuck and run on Bella, at least not our first time. I wanted her badly, but when I had my chance, I planned to take my sweet time and enjoy all of it. That included lounging around in bed and partaking in a few repeat performances. Unfortunately, my patience was wearing thin, even though we had only officially been dating since last night. I already knew what she felt like in my hand, and I wanted all that and more.

We eventually found a forty-five minute gap in our schedules that we could get lunch together that afternoon. We agreed on a café that was halfway between our apartments, and I dressed and returned home.

The morning sucked, particularly because I didn't have time to sleep more when I got back. Instead, I showered, shaved, and drank some coffee. Then I made sure that my bag was packed for practice that afternoon and pulled together all my class supplies for the day. Classes were uneventful, and after far too long, I was back with Bella. Lunch was brief, but I was willing to take whatever I could get. We kissed for a minute outside on the sidewalk before walking back to campus hand in hand for afternoon classes.

While I was pumped up and excited for our first round of playoffs the next day, I wasn't thrilled to be away from Bella. All I could think about were her gorgeous tits in my face…and hands…and mouth. When my coach snapped at me during practice, I shook it off and tried to stay focused. Jasper just laughed at me knowingly. He was my roommate; he knew I hadn't gotten laid yet.

That night was boring and disappointing, consisting of a shower, dinner, homework, a phone call from Bella, and an early bedtime. We were on the bus before the sun rose for a four hour drive, then after the game, we stopped to eat and made the return journey back to school.

Jasper called Alice once we were settled on the bus, which must have alerted Bella that I was free because her name appeared on the screen of my cell phone a few minutes later.

"Hey."

"Hey there. How'd everything go today?" she asked sweetly.

I groaned just thinking about it. "Fine. We won."

"Don't sound so excited," she said, and I could hear the question in her voice.

"Sorry, Bella, I'm just fucking exhausted right now. It's been a really long couple of days."

"It's okay," she said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not especially."

"Alice and I were going to head out with some of the girls tonight. Should I wait for you?"

"Don't bother," I replied shortly.

"Umm, okay then. I can stay in and wait for you if you'd rather do that," she suggested. "We could just watch movies and fall asleep."

"No," I snapped. "Go out with Alice and have fun. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

It wasn't her fault that I had a shitty game, even if we did win, yet there I was, acting like an ass. I knew that I needed to get off the phone before it became worse. After several moments of silence, Bella spoke up again.

"Fine," she said sharply. "Call tomorrow if you can manage to quit being nasty to me. Otherwise, don't bother."

I tried to apologize, but she hung up on me before I had the chance. I contemplated calling her back, but I figured that it would be better to just let this stuff blow over. Hopefully, she would realize it was my mood, not her that was making me act that way and she wouldn't stay mad at me. I wanted to talk to her and see her, but I knew it was best to hold off until I had a grip on my attitude. All I needed was a little time, space, and rest.

No matter how hard I tried to sleep during the remaining three hours of our trip, it would not come to me. My mind was plagued with guilt that I couldn't move past. The ride back to school was restless, and every little noise or movement bothered me. When the bus stopped outside the athletic center, I collected my things and walked straight to Jasper's car without saying a word. He told me that he was going to clean up and go meet the girls, and when he asked me if I wanted to join him, I declined. I was actually grateful that I would have the apartment to myself for a while.

I showered, had a snack, and tucked into bed with a movie playing as I lay under the covers, but sleep continued to evade me. Eventually, I gave in and admitted to myself that I couldn't settle down because I knew I was a jerk to Bella earlier. I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and typed a quick text.

_I'm a jerk. Played bad & took my pissy mood out on you. Forgive me? Come over Sunday & let me make it up to you. G'night, Angel._

My half-assed apology eased my mind enough for me to fall asleep, and I didn't wake up until I heard my bedroom door click closed. I lifted my head off my pillow, staring bleary-eyed at Bella's slender frame several feet away from my door. A quick glance at my alarm clock told me that it was past noon.

"Jasper let me in," she said softly. "I sent you a couple texts, but when I didn't hear back, I called him. He said you were still asleep."

I nodded, still unable to think clear enough to respond. Slowly, she approached my bed but changed course and set at my desk instead.

"I can leave if you want to sleep more."

"No," I finally replied. "Come here." I tossed back my blankets and scooted back to make room for her in my bed. She continued to look at me with that same hesitant, sad expression, but she finally gave in and crawled under the covers with me. "I'm sorry for being a dick. You didn't do anything to deserve that."

She shrugged, folding a pillow under her head and gazing at me. We didn't touch or snuggle. Instead, we lay facing one another. I had the feeling she wasn't going to say anything more, probably because she didn't know how to respond to me, so I decided to explain myself.

"We won the game, but just barely. It was my fault."

"Soccer is a team sport," she commented, obviously trying to ease some of my stress.

"Yeah, but two goals were scored against us by a guy I was defending. The same guy both times. We had a one point lead with five minutes left when he tied it up." I rubbed one of my hands over my face in frustration. "In the past three years, I've only ever let one person get past me before that. I just couldn't keep my shit together on the field."

Bella reached up and took my hand, bringing it between us and rubbing her thumb in circles on my palm. The motion was soothing, and when I looked into her big brown eyes, I saw compassion.

"That sucks, Peter, a lot, and I'm sorry that you're so stressed out about it, but no one is perfect."

"That's not the point."

"Okay, tell me the point then," she urged.

I huffed a heavy sighed, closing my eyes in a long blink. "I feel like I let everyone down."

"Are your teammates mad at you? Did everyone ignore you after the game or tell you it was your fault?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Then stopped blaming yourself," she said, sliding closer to me and laying her hand on my cheek. "You guys won, so tell me what happened."

"We thought we were headed for overtime, but Jasper scored with less than a minute on the clock."

"That's awesome," she said with a smile, but when she saw my look of frustration she stopped. "What?"

"It just really sucks to fuck everything up and have to rely on your best friend to make up for it."

"Ahh," she hummed thoughtfully. "You're having a pity party."

"What? _No,_" I snapped defensively, pulling away from her touch.

To my surprise, she laughed lightly, but I knew it wasn't mockingly. "You totally are, but Peter, it's over now. You just practice hard this week and go into your next game with a better attitude. I really doubt your coach is going to let you play if you're caught up and distracted by a few mistakes."

I took her words to heart and pulled her against me. There was instant relief in the feeling of her body on mine, and I nodded into her shoulder. "You're right. So can you forgive me for acting like an idiot?"

"Hmm…well, I do remember you saying something about making it up to me. How do you intend to do that?" she asked playfully.

"Lazy day in bed?" I suggested.

"That sounds perfect." She wrapped her arms and legs around me, and we began our day of lazy lounging together.

Sunday was my only day to enjoy my time with Bella since the daily grind picked up again on Monday. We met for lunch when we could and saw each other briefly in the evening most nights, but my mind was on soccer. I wanted so badly to have her spend the night with me or to stay at her apartment, but with our early classes, I knew it would be difficult to get a reasonable amount of sleep with her there. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't have been such a big deal, but soccer practices were longer and even more draining than usual. I wanted the team to take the conference title, which would mean a few more weeks of our extended season, but I knew that I would be grateful when it was all over.

Thankfully, our game on Saturday was in Seattle, so there was no grueling travel to deal with. That also meant that Alice and Bella were able to come to the game, and I was anxious and excited to have my girl there.

Unfortunately, things didn't turn out so well. We played hard, but our opponents were able to outplay us. I didn't feel personally responsible this time, but it still sucked to end our season with such a disappointing loss. Everyone was irritable and miserable afterward.

To make matters worse, Bella had family obligations for the rest of the weekend and was leaving to go see her parents immediately after the game. She hugged and kissed me, offering comfort and sympathy with little regard for how sweaty and dirty I was. Her smile made things a little better, but I knew I would be wallowing for the rest of the weekend without her. I ended up getting trashed with the rest of the guys from the soccer team and crashing on someone's couch Saturday night.

By late Sunday evening, I was eager to see Bella again. I finally sucked up my mopey attitude and took a long run on the treadmill late in the afternoon to work out some of my stress. After a shower and dinner at my apartment, I distracted myself with homework that desperately needed to be done, namely, a paper for my Business Ethics class.

Bella had exchanged texts with me a few times throughout the day, but I knew she was busy. She promised to call me when she was home, but by ten o'clock, she still hadn't called, and I was feeling a mix of worry and annoyance. I plugged my phone into the charger to ensure that there were no battery issues, then I double checked my signal and volume of my ringtone. It was after eleven when I gave up on my paper and decided to call.

"Hey, let me call you right back," Bella said before hanging up on me. I wasn't able to say a single word.

I threw my phone down in frustration and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I was just changing into a pair of pajama pants when there was a knock the apartment door. Confused about who could be coming by at this time of night, I put a tee shirt back on and walked through the living room. I had seen Jasper take his keys before he went over to see Alice, so there was no reason that he would need to knock.

I only opened the door a crack, but when I saw that it was Bella standing there smiling at me, I flung it open and pulled her inside.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, hugging her.

She giggled happily, turning her face up toward mine. "I just missed you. I hope you don't mind that I, uh, brought a bag to stay over." The latter half of her statement came out slowly with a hint of hesitance that I thought was completely silly.

"You think I _wouldn't_ want you to stay?"

She shrugged. "I didn't want to assume."

"You're so damn cute," I said, grinning at her. I bent down enough to touch my lips to hers, holding her chin up with my fingers. "I'm fucking ecstatic that you're here, but we should get you to bed so that you don't miss your morning class."

She took my hand and led me into my room, and I noticed that she was already in her pajamas with her make-up washed off and her hair in a ponytail. I hadn't even acknowledged those details when she first arrived because I was so happy to see her. She was still gorgeous to me. We settled into my bed, and I set my alarm clock for her before we found a comfortable position. I lay on my back with my arm around her as she rested her head on my chest. Our legs wove together, something I was learning we both loved, and we talked for only a few minutes before allowing sleep to take us.

Without soccer practice that week, we were able to spend a lot more time together. I slept at her apartment two other nights, and on the nights I did not, her absence was obvious. I was growing accustomed to her presence, so I didn't like being without.

By the time the weekend arrived, I was more than ready to have some quality time together. It would still be limited considering that the Kappa Deltas had a visit from National Headquarters that would keep them at a sorority lock-in from Friday night until Saturday after lunch. Once that was over, though, she was mine. My anticipation of _really_ being with Bella had peaked. With the opportunity to fool around a little bit earlier in the week, every part of me craved more. Everything up until that point had just been kissing and touching. It wasn't enough. I wanted her naked, and I wanted to do much more than feel her with my hands. I needed to taste her, be inside her, consume and be consumed. I really liked this girl, and shit, I was a twenty year old guy. A few weeks of dating with months of sexual tension prior left me tense and just…horny. If she was willing, our relationship was going to get much more serious this weekend.

I knew that their final sorority meeting ended at 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, so I was antsy when I received a call from Bella at 3:45.

"Hey, where've you been?" I asked anxiously. I needed to see her as soon as possible.

"Oh my god, Peter, this has been the most draining twenty-four hours! Alice and I came to the bar with a few of the other girls as soon as we were done. I _so_ needed a drink!"

"What bar are you at? I'll come get you."

She gave me the location and went on to describe all the boring speeches and newly instated policies they had to sit through for their visit from Nationals. Hearing about it made me glad that I hadn't joined a fraternity. I was still on the phone with her when I parked my car, so we hung up and she waved at me when I walked inside.

Her lips tasted sweet in a sticky sort of way when she kissed me, and I didn't let go when she deepened it. I understood her desire for _more_ completely. It wasn't until she wobbled slightly when we stopped that I realized she was a bit tipsy.

"Whoa, how much have you had to drink? You've only been here, what, an hour?" I asked.

"Umm, I only had one beer, but I think we did four Jaeger bombs." She scrunched her face in the most adorable manner, telling me that she was slightly embarrassed and also proud.

We glanced around at her friends, who all seemed to get occupied with their own conversations. I contemplated sitting down with them, but Bella changed my mind when she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and whispered in my ear.

"Take me home."

Her words were husky and suggestive, and I didn't waste any time thinking over that command. With my arm around her waist, I led her outside, into my car, and back to her apartment.

We collapsed on her bed, kissing and laughing as she unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off my shoulders. I yanked hers over her head, simply to keep things even, of course, and then I went for her bra. It was off in seconds, allowing me to feast on her perky little tits as she hummed and moaned appreciatively.

"Oh god, Peter…mmm…."

"Tell me what you want," I encouraged her.

"You, baby," she breathed, raking her nails over my shoulders. "I wanna make you come in my mouth."

"Oh fuck," I groaned, allowing her to push me onto my back. We hadn't done _that_ yet, and to hear her suggest it in such a dirty, sexy way…I almost came undone before she could begin.

I expected her to move quickly, given how ravenous and wild she had been so far, but once she had me where she wanted, her actions were torturously slow. She tucked her fingers into the top of my jeans and ran them back and forth across my skin. Her fingernails lightly scraped the sensitive space between my hipbones, making my abs tighten reflexively.

She removed her hands, moving to hover over me, and her hair fell around us like a veil when she kissed me once. "You're so fucking hot," she whispered in the sultriest tone I had ever heard from her.

_Note to self: Give Bella Jaeger more often._

Her lips worked down my neck and chest, pausing to flick her tongue against my nipple once before continuing the descent. She took her time on my stomach, kissing me all over and dipping her tongue into my navel. Her body slid down my legs, and I groaned at the sight of her tits so close to my jean-clad cock. If I wasn't rock solid before that, it definitely did the trick.

Still kissing my stomach, she unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, opening them but not pulling them down. With a little more skin exposed, she swirled her tongue around my hipbone, then all the way across to the other side. I moaned as she switched to sucking on my skin. After a minute, she sat back and grinned, looking very self-satisfied. I looked down my body and saw that she had left a small purple mark there.

"You like that?" I asked, bringing my hand up to push her hair back over her shoulder. She leaned into my touch, gracing me with the most dizzying, beaming smile I had ever seen. That was all the answer I needed. "Get up here with me," I said, needing to feel her body against mine again. I loved kissing her this way and enjoying her smooth, naked chest and stomach pressed into mine while my hands explored her bare back.

She shook her head. "I plan to make good on my promise, so just be patient."

After all that build, she finally returned to my jeans and tugged them down along with my boxers. I lifted off the bed to help her, and in a few short moments, I was completely naked for her. She looked at my cock and actually licked her bottom lip before biting it. Then she moaned.

_I'm about to lose it, Angel. Please do something…_

At that point, I didn't care if she just gave me a hand job, as long as I could feel some part of her. That wasn't completely true because I _really_ wanted to feel her mouth on me, but I would have taken whatever she wanted to give.

Thankfully, she didn't wait long. Her hand wrapped around the base of my erection and gave me a few gentle strokes. Then her mouth was on me, but only long enough to wet my cock before she began spreading little pecks and licks all over. It was like foreplay for foreplay, and it was incredible. The thought that overwhelmed me the most was the fact that it was _Bella_ doing that to me.

I propped myself up on my elbows to watch her, but the more she kissed and sucked and devoured me, the harder it became to maintain that position. There were moments I just couldn't handle the intensity of the feeling, and my head would tip back while my eyes closed – namely the times my cock would hit the back of her throat or when she would bob so quickly that she would make those dirty, erotic sucking noises. It was too much.

When I couldn't take it any longer, I fell onto my back and gave up trying to watch her. I didn't want to put my hands on her head and force her; I wanted her to do things her way. Instead, I closed my eyes and bucked up, placing my hand on her shoulder. She worked faster and harder, pumping her hand in time with her mouth. Seconds before I came, I tapped her shoulder urgently, but she didn't move. Knowing that I couldn't hold off any longer, I shot into her mouth and felt her swallow around me. She pulled away, catching her breath, then put me back in her mouth, moving slowly over me until my body eventually stilled and relaxed.

"Holy shit," I said reverently, reaching for her. "Get up here, you fucking goddess."

She giggled proudly, sliding her body up mine purposefully and into my arms. I wrapped them around her, cupping her ass and squeezing.

"You liked that?" she asked, kissing my cheek.

"I hope that's a rhetorical question," I teased, dragging my splayed hands up the length of her back. With my fingers spread, my hands together covered more than the width of her slim torso. She fit so perfectly against me.

She laughed at my joke and snuggled against me. I carefully rolled her to her side, dipping down to kiss her breasts.

"Your turn," I said, looking up and winking at her, and she hummed happily. My hands were on the button of her jeans when there was a loud knock on her door. "Fuck," I groaned, burying my face in her cleavage.

"Yeah?" she called.

"Bella?" Alice's voice came through the door. "Come on. We need to eat and get ready for the party!"

"I don't want to go," Bella whined and I nodded in agreement.

"You're going!" Alice replied fiercely. "And if you don't come out, I'm busting in to kidnap you. I don't care if you and Peter are naked, so get a move on! I'm starting dinner now."

We both groaned, but Bella rolled away from me a few moments later. "She really will come in here," she sighed, tossing my boxers to me, "but we _are_ going to continue this later."

"That sounds perfect to me."

Begrudgingly, we both dressed and walked out of her room together.

"I hope you plan to go home and change. Your shirt is a wrinkly mess," Alice said, looking at me. I shook my head and laughed. "I'm serious," she added with a note of finality.

"All right, all right," I submitted, raising my hands in defeat. "Assuming I'm invited to stay for dinner, I'll run over to the apartment while you girls get ready. Sound good?"

She agreed, and I stepped into the kitchen to help with dinner. Jasper came in a few minutes later from the living room, and the four of us worked together seamlessly to prepare, cook, and set up for our meal. It was nice to have such a comfortable dynamic with all of them.

After we ate and cleaned up, I wanted to throw Bella over my shoulder and lock us in her bedroom, but Alice snatched her away before I could. I pouted for a moment, but Bella blew me a kiss and said she would see me soon. Jasper and I walked back to our place, chatting about how things were going with Bella and some other bullshit to pass the time. It didn't take us long to get changed and ready to go, and we knew that the girls wouldn't finish for a while, so we hung out in the living room with a couple beers and played on the Wii.

"Dude, I need a favor tonight," I said as I swung my controller like a tennis racket.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I, uh, shit's getting pretty serious, so would you mind staying at Alice's tonight? Just in case, you know?"

He paused the game and grabbed his beer, taking a long swig. When he placed the bottle back on the end table, he gave me a knowing grin. "Sure, man, that's no problem. No problem at all."

I laughed and kicked his foot just as he restarted the game and we continued playing.

A little while later, Jasper's phone buzzed, and he stopped to read the text. "Alice has given us official permission to return." I laughed at the military-like tone he had taken to mock her earlier dramatics, and he joined me with a smile and shake of his head. We finished off our beers quickly, rinsing the bottles and tossing them in the recycling bin before we grabbed our coats and headed outside.

"Do you have cash on you?" he asked as we walked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, this party is a bit of a haul. It's not so far that we can't walk there, but it's a bit long when you're heading home drunk," he explained.

"Gotcha," I said, nodding. "I can handle cab fare if Bella doesn't want to walk later."

We were back with the girls not long after our conversation, and once everyone had coats and shoes on, we set out for the party.

From the moment I walked back into her apartment that night, I couldn't keep my eyes off Bella's legs. She was wearing a skirt. In November. It was dark gray and sort of ruffled, and it was short, but not too short. That wasn't the worst part, though. She had paired that skirt with these unbelievable black boots that went over her knees. I thought I was going to fucking jizz in my pants and then die.

I wanted to tell her to go back into her room and put on some damn pants, lest I be responsible for the death of any guy who eye-fucked her in that outfit, but I couldn't bear to say it when she bit her lip and stared at me with an expression that begged for approval. So instead of making her change and possibly delivering a blow to her ego, I smiled and kissed her.

"You look so sexy tonight," I told her as we walked hand in hand down the sidewalk. I peeked behind her to admire how her ass wiggled in her skirt.

"It's not too much?" she asked earnestly. "I've only ever worn the boots once, and that was for Halloween last year, but Alice insisted they looked good."

I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her close to me. "Better than good, babe. Just be prepared to see my caveman side tonight because you'll be the center of attention at the party."

"Whatever," she said, looking up and rolling her eyes at me.

"I'm serious."

Things went exactly as I suspected at the party, and I was shooting evil death stares at every guy who dared to look at Bella below her neck. I felt a sense of pride and power that she was there with me, after giving me the king of all blowjobs earlier that day, and I was ready to point that out to anyone who dared to piss me off enough. In reality, I would never throw around a private detail that way just to feel macho and triumphant, but it was certainly entertaining to imagine such scenarios. There were more than a few times when friends of mine would mention something to me about how hot Bella looked, but those comments I could handle; they knew better than to take it beyond a compliment.

Aside from lusting over my girlfriend and wanting to throw her into any unoccupied room or closet I could find to recreate our earlier hookup, the party was pretty fun. Bella had more or less sobered up from her trip to the bar, so she was making up for it by matching me beer for beer. For that reason, I drank a little slower and a little less than usual, but that wasn't my only reason for taking it easy. Aside from the fact that we knew less people at this party than the places we normally went, I didn't want to binge and end up useless at the end of the night. If Bella was willing, we wouldn't be getting much sleep once we returned to my apartment.

Amped up from her buzz and the energy at the party, Bella eventually dragged us to the basement where people where stacked wall to wall dancing. Thankfully, I'd had enough beer that I was able to focus on my hot-as-fuck girlfriend and not the drunk assholes bumping into us while they danced.

Her body was pressed close to mine, which I would have believed was due to the crowd if it weren't for the way she straddled my leg and kissed my neck. It was torture. All I could think about was Bella's naked body and all the things I wanted to do to her, but I was stuck in a room full of people, trying to tame my painful erection as she rubbed against me.

We kissed hard and immodestly, but no one around us cared. Hell, the majority of the people surrounding us were doing the same thing, and I was sure that most of them had just met that night. After resisting the urge for at least twenty or thirty minutes, I let my hands slip from her waist, down over her ass as she slid up and down my thigh dancing. She nipped at my lips when I touched her, encouraging me. My hands travelled further, meeting the exposed skin at the back of her legs between her boots and her skirt.

Bella wanted more; her body was giving me every sign I needed. Moving one of my hands back over her skirt, I slowly dragged my fingers higher up her thigh. When I met the swell of her ass, I was surprised to find it bare. I moved a little more, and still nothing. Curious, I moved my hand inward and finally found a thin strip of material running vertically.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned in her ear. "A thong with this little skirt? You're evil!"

"What?" she asked innocently, pulling back to look at me with an expression that completely contradicted her words.

I tugged lightly on the fabric, doing so carefully to ensure that no one would accidentally see beneath her skirt. "I want to take you home."

She nodded at me, pulling away and taking my hand so that we could navigate our way upstairs and out of the house. I called a cab while she said goodbye to Alice, and we huddled together on the front porch as we waited for our ride.

"Why don't we just walk?"she asked, snaking her hands beneath my jacket to rest them on the small of my back.

I pulled her closer, rubbing hands on her thighs to provide some warmth. "First of all, it's cold as hell and you're practically naked," I teased.

"I am not practically naked!" she protested, pinching my waist.

"Regardless, you're naked enough that I don't want you out in the cold, _and_ I want to get you home as soon as possible."

Just then, our cab pulled up by the curb and we climbed inside. The cabbie asked for an address and headed toward home.

Bella sat close, leaning over to lick and kiss my neck. "Exactly what do you plan to do to me once we get home?" she asked, bringing up my comments from minutes earlier.

My answer was cut off when the cabbie began talking to us about the Seahawks and their playoff chances that year. Instead, I responded to him with short phrases or hums of agreement where necessary as I _showed_ Bella what I wanted to do to her.

My hand had been resting on her knee, over her boot, and I slowly moved it up until I met skin. She snuggled closer into my neck, and I fought to pay attention to the cabbie while still touching her. When my hand was beneath the edge of her skirt, I moved inward, brushing my knuckles against her barely-there thong. Her leg immediately lifted, and she hitched it over my thigh, allowing me room do what we both wanted. Thankfully, the cabbie quieted down and turned up his music, focusing on the road.

"You want me to touch you, Angel?" I whispered, pushing her panties aside. She nodded against my neck and I told her to stay quiet or I would stop.

I touched her tentatively, but once I felt how wet and warm she was, I slid a finger inside her. I placed my other hand on her thigh and stroked up and down her leg as I fingered her. My movements were needful but not rushed, and I still hadn't brought her to the edge by the time we reached my apartment. I quickly paid the fare and dragged her upstairs.

Once inside my room, coats were discarded, shirts were tugged off between kisses, and we both stood in our underwear. Well, Bella was in a hot little push-up bra, her thong, and _the boots_. She bent down to unzip them, but I stopped her.

"I want them on," I said, brushing my hands over her back and unhooking her bra. I sat her on the edge of my bed and knelt down in front of her. My fingers curled around the top of her thong and I pulled it down over her thighs and those boots. "Now, where was I?" I asked playfully, running my hands up her legs once more.

She spread herself open for me, and my hand immediately returned to what I had been doing in the cab. This time I used two fingers, and she moaned as I moved them in and out of her body. I leaned forward and kissed her chest, stopping to lap at her nipples before working my way down her stomach. When my mouth approached my hand, I pushed her to lie down, and I kissed her clit. She bucked up at me and I chuckled, using my free hand to open her legs farther as my fingers and mouth worked together.

She writhed and fought against me, but I couldn't stop. I needed to do this to her. I could tell from the way she was crying in high pitched, "ah, ah, ahs" and struggling to keep her legs apart that she was close, so I pulled my fingers out and pinned her legs down with my hands. I kissed down her pussy, away from her clit and dipped my tongue inside her. Her moisture coated my tongue, and I groaned at how overwhelming it was to know that she was like that for me. I soon moved back up, but I didn't give her my fingers again.

"Oh god…ohhhhh, Peter, please," she begged, trying to force my hand back in place. I refused, maintaining my grip on her thighs. I wanted her to want _me_ to fill her, not just my fingers.

Finally, it became too much for her, and she moaned for me again, grabbing as much of my hair as she could and pulling it as she came. I kissed tenderly down her thighs, releasing them and moving my hands to her boots. As she panted and regained her breath, I removed her extravagant shoes and massaged her legs to relieve any discomfort she may have felt from wearing them for so long.

"Peter?" she said, lifting her head off the bed.

"You all right?" I asked.

"No," she said, and I was immediately worried. Had I held her too tight or hurt her somehow? "I want you," she continued slowly, and my anxiety dissolved. Her tone this time wasn't suggestive or intentionally sexual; it was sweet, sincere, and sure. That was even better than hearing her call my name at the height of an intense orgasm.

She scooted back on the bed, and I stood, removed my boxers, and crawled over her. "You're ready?" I asked, needing her to confirm her desires.

"Fuck yes," she replied quickly, making me smile. She looked so innocent and vulnerable in the moment, even while cursing.

"Me too."

Careful not to crush her, I lay over her body and kissed her. It was slow at first, gaining speed and intensity with each passing minute. I touched her face, collarbone, and breasts, trying to demonstrate my affection without words. She was so much more than a fuck to me, but I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself once I had her.

Still kissing, I reached toward the table beside my bed. There were no drawers in it, but next to my lamp was an old cigar box my grandfather had given me. I lifted the lid and pulled out one of the condoms I had placed inside a few weeks ago.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered, pushing her hair off her face. "I've wanted you for so long, Bella. Thank you for forgiving me. For everything."

She smiled back and kissed me, then she smacked my ass and pulled her legs around my waist. Just like that, our tender moment was gone, but I completely understood. We were on exactly the same page.

Her pussy was still slick when I thrust into her, and I was immediately lost in how fucking good it felt to be inside her…to have her wrapped around my dick and consuming me. I wanted to go slow, but I couldn't. From the way she responded to each thrust and retraction, I sensed that she wanted it hard and fast as well. I gave that to her, hitting her in every spot I could manage as I angled her hips and drove deeper. Each slight change in position elicited a new noise, combinations of my name, ohs and ahs, and calls to God jumbled together. I kissed her hard, but mostly buried my head in her shoulder as we worked together to find ecstasy. Needing more, I pulled one of her legs to my shoulder and moved faster. Her breaths were shorter and needier with each thrust.

"What do you need, Bella?" I asked, hugging her leg for leverage. "Tell me what you need from me."

"Right there…"she squeaked. "Harder!"

I bid her request, feeling my own release teetering nearby. Within moments, she arched her back off the bed and groaned, gripping the bed sheets tightly. I yanked her other leg up to my shoulder and slammed into her. After a couple minutes, the tightness and the angle pushed me over the edge. I let out a long moan, rising slightly on my knees.

"Fuck…"

I slid out and rolled to the side to discard the condom. I turned back to her and wrapped her in my arms.

"That was unbelievable," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice, even with my eyes closed.

"Mmm…" I hummed happily. "_You_ are unbelievable." The back of my hand traced down her stomach and between her legs, brushing over her swollen sex. She jumped slightly, so I pulled away with a chuckle.

We cuddled and talked for a while about how amazing the sex was, complimenting one another, as well as some random, inconsequential chatter. When she got up to use the bathroom, I went in ahead of her and got out a new toothbrush for her to use. I asked if she wanted pajamas and internally cheered when she refused my offer. A few minutes later, we were spooned together, close and snuggly under the covers.

I honestly tried to sleep, but that felt impossible with Bella naked in my arms. Our position reminded me of the first time I touched her in my dorm room last year, but the circumstances were so much different this time. Feeling brave – and also a bit insatiable – I tickled her belly lightly.

"I can remember exactly how your skin felt the first time I touched you," I whispered in her ear as my fingers moved along her skin. "I kept thinking how it was just like this silk scarf my mom used to have when I was little. It was so soft that I would curl up in her lap and play with it whenever she wore it. That's how your skin feels to me; it's the smoothest thing I've ever touched."

My hand moved over her ribs for a few minutes as we lay there in without speaking, then I moved up to her breasts and slowly circled her nipples. I knew it would drive her crazy. Bella loved any attention to her chest.

I slid my other arm under her and cupped both her tits in my hands. Her breathy pants and happy hums made each touch incredibly gratifying. "These are perfect, you know. The first time I felt them, I knew I could spend hours touching them…teasing…tasting. You are so divine."

My top hand travelled down her body, grabbing her leg and pulling it over mine. I allowed my fingers to graze over her in an upward stroke, dragging her arousal across her tender lips.

"For me, this is Heaven," I breathed into her ear, pulling the lobe between my lips. I continued to touch her as a spoke, eventually dipping inside. "I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach. I wanted you so much. You absolutely consumed my mind, my body, my desires. I just needed to make you feel good and show you the invisible pull I felt toward you."

"Ah…ah…Peter," she whimpered, moving against my hand. After a minute, her noises turned sharper, and I was moving my fingers faster to meet her need. She cried out for me, and after her body calmed, I moved my hand to her hip.

"Sleep now, Angel," I whispered in her ear, a similar sentiment to what I told her the first time we slept in the same bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that the old, tainted memory would be washed away by this new, better experience together.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ack. This delay hurt me more than it hurt you. Something ate my mojo, but I figured out what is was & we're back! As always, these characters belong to SM, but this story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. Chele681 beta'd & is full of awesome.**

**I'm flattered to announce that some of you supershweet h00rs nominated **_**Toxic**_** for 2 Indie Twific Awards! You can find it in the categories "Best Secondary Characterization" and "AH Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet (WIP)" My J/B story **_**Shameless Developments **_**was also nom'd in "AH Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet (complete)" Thank you x1000000! Check out all the other nominees & vote for the first round 2/20-3/2 at www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com**

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I can remember one of my email conversations with Peter in which he complained about his bedroom furniture. We were discussing dorm living versus apartment living, and part of that included griping about moving furniture up several flights of stairs now that we had to furnish our apartments. He told me that his mom did not want him to take his bed and dresser from their family home since he would need it when he was in town for school breaks or other visits, so she made him take the furniture out of the guest room. According to him it was "terribly eighties" and tacky.

The morning after the first time we had sex, I begged to differ.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Peter had rolled over sometime while we were still sleeping, thus relinquishing his hold on me. As I came to in the morning light streaming through the curtains, I molded my body against his back. I felt so many things – satisfied, blissful, and happy, to name a few. We had shared an incredible night that was completely worth the wait, but I still found myself eager for more. I tried to keep my hand still and allow Peter to sleep longer, but I could not be controlled. Somehow, I ended up holding his cock, pumping slowly until he groaned and turned toward me.

"This could only be better if you woke me up with your mouth instead," he mumbled in a voice that was still half asleep but completely devilish.

"You pig!" I laughed, releasing him. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me against him.

He tickled me playfully for a few moments, but when I begged him to stop, he did. His smile as he looked down at me was utterly breathtaking, and I was reminded of what first drew me toward him the night we met. He was radiant.

There was kissing, touching, and teasing, and I knew that we were both grateful we had gone to bed naked. He slid his fingers inside me after a few minutes; I was beginning to realize that he really enjoyed touching me that way. Not that I minded. I was happy to allow him full reign over my body now that I knew how incredible he could make me feel.

He tried to crawl on top of me, but I pushed him away. He pouted, as if asking _did I do something wrong?_

I shook my head and flung my leg over his hip, lifting my body to straddle him. "Where are those condoms?" I asked, allowing his cock to touch me briefly before I lifted myself higher.

He hissed and pointed toward the box on his table. I pulled one out and tossed it onto his chest, which he quickly picked up and put on. Once he was ready and holding himself up for me, I slowly slid down on him. I smiled victoriously as his head tipped back, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"Oh god, Bella, that's so good."

I moved over him as he bent his knees to provide better leverage for us and to assist his thrusts. His hands were on my breasts immediately, and I held his wrists for support. My eyes were locked with his in an intense gaze, but when I looked up, I gasped.

"You okay?" he panted, alarmed by the sudden sound I had just made.

"Oh fuck yes," I smiled, not looking back at him. I rode him harder and licked my lips as I watched our reflection in the wonderful mirror on his headboard.

He followed the line of my gaze and tilted his head awkwardly to see what I was staring at. "Holy shit…"

"Wait…whoa, you mean you didn't think about this before?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh gaa…that feels so good…. Bella, I couldn't look at anything but you last night." He wrapped his hands around my back and pulled me down to him, kissing me hard. Before I could object, he rolled us over and pulled out. "Flip over, doll face," he said, grinning widely. I inhaled a shaky breath at the glint in his bright eyes and did as he asked.

When I was on all fours, he positioned himself on his knees and resumed thrusting into me. I groaned loudly at the sharp, delicious angle, and we both watched our incredible sex in the oversized mirror.

I didn't last long between the sight of his body moving in mine and the needful pounding against me. When my climax struck me, I fell forward on my elbows but kept my head up to watch Peter's face. After another minute, his back arched and he gripped my hips tightly. I smiled and nearly came again when I saw the look of ecstasy wash over him.

I whimpered when he pulled out, falling flat on the bed. He dropped down onto my back, and his weight on me felt so good. "I take back all the bad things I ever said about this furniture," he said in a breathless voice. "Un-fucking-believable."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The mirrors in Peter's bedroom became a very fun part of our sexual repertoire. With the headboard of the bed on one wall and the vanity-style dresser and its large mirror on the side wall, we had a lot of fun enjoying those angles. I had never experienced sex in front of a mirror before that morning with Peter, so it hadn't occurred to me until it was happening. The fact that Peter hadn't thought about it either was the tiniest bit relieving. If he had brought anyone back to his apartment since moving in with this furniture at the beginning of the semester, I'm certain that he would have realized the benefits.

Peter's birthday fell two days after finals, and unfortunately, that meant nearly everyone would already have gone home for Christmas break. I was disappointed, but he insisted that we could do a big night out with all our friends when the spring semester began in January and that he would go out on his birthday with some high school friends back home. I thought that was ridiculous considering that it was his twenty-first, and I wanted him to spend it with his closest friends, namely, me and some of the guys from the soccer team. Eventually, I won that battle and Peter agreed to stay at the apartment for a few extra days before heading home for the holidays. Since Jasper and I both grew up in the Seattle area, we didn't have to go to our parents' homes until we wanted to leave school. Alice, however, lived in Denver, and her flight home had been booked for months, so she couldn't stay. Nonetheless, we were confident that it would be a great night between the three of us and a few other friends who would still be around.

With Alice gone and finals over, I spent the days between then and Peter's birthday at his place. We had been staying at each other's apartments most nights now anyway, so it wasn't too much of a change from our regular routine. I had a great time just hanging out with the guys, making meals together, and seeing some other friends when they would stop by.

The day of his birthday, the snow was coming down hard and temperatures dropped quickly. The news channels were calling for heavy winter storms with a lot of accumulation. Always the optimist, I didn't allow the weather to hinder our plans. We opted for a bar within walking distance of Peter and Jasper's apartment instead of the one we had planned to go to, and we offered our friends a place to crash if it got too bad.

We had dinner at home, and I was in Peter's room getting ready when Jasper walked in.

"Bad news, party planner," he said with a resigned look of disappointment. "Alec's car won't start, so he and Felix are out. Marcus is already at his parents' house, and his mom refuses to let him leave because there's supposed to be an ice storm tonight. That leaves, you, me, Brady, and Peter."

I pouted immediately, but there was no use in complaining. Nothing could be done to change the circumstances, and I refused to let that ruin Peter's birthday. The four of us could still go out, have a great time, and get Peter tanked. "Well, fuck… We're still going," I shrugged.

"You're not bummed?"

"Of course I am," I started, "but we've never had a problem having fun, so it will still be a good time.

Peter stepped out of the bathroom a moment later in dark jeans that hung low on his hips and no shirt. His hair glistened from the shower and the bit of gel he used to style it and he looked absolutely delicious. For once, I was grateful that Jasper was in the room and I couldn't jump Peter and tackle him on the bed. There would be plenty of time for that later.

"What's going on?" he asked, walking over to his closet and pulling out a dark blue button down shirt with white pinstripes. "You like this one?" he asked me.

I nodded and Jasper filled Peter in on the weather situation and the guys who couldn't make it.

"It's cool," he shrugged, smiling genuinely at both of us as he finished buttoning his shirt and laced his belt through the loopholes on his jeans. "I get to hang with my two favorite people on my birthday. That's what counts."

I practically melted at the way he grinned. I was certain that his words were sincere, and that meant more to me than anything. He truly was happy to be with us, with me, even if our plans were pretty much a bust. Jasper excused himself to finish getting dressed, and I turned back to the mirror on the dresser. After tying his boots and adjusting his jeans over them, he sidled up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist while I cleared my make-up from the dresser and tucked it all back into my bag.

"You look sexy as fuck, Angel," he murmured into my neck, tickling me with his breath.

Giggling, I turned in his grasp and tossed my arms over his shoulders. We stood that way for a moment smiling at one another, though not speaking.

I loved just staring into his eyes. They were blue and vibrant, a shocking contrast to his dark hair. I had never seen blue eyes like his before. It was so much more than the color, though. The way he looked at me was my constant undoing. It was a major contributing factor to the way we couldn't seem to keep our hands – or mouths – off one another, and whenever he set his gaze on me, I was trapped.

My hand moved to the side of his face without much thought in the action. I just liked touching him. As my thumb traced over his lips, I asked him something that I had wondered since last year. "Why do you call me that? I'm hardly an angel," I added, smirking at him playfully.

"You're my angel," he said softly, angling his head toward mine, pulling me tighter. "In art and scripture, angels are supposed to be these radiant beings that are so beautiful they can't be ignored. They're always doing some important work – delivering a message, guiding people, ensuring that something happens the way it's suppose to. I don't know," he smiled, scrunching his face sweetly, "that's pretty much how I feel about you. I can't ignore you, can't escape your beauty or your radiance…."

"Okay, shut up," I said, grasping his neck and pulling his mouth to mine. I had no idea where he came up with the sweet things he said to me, but they always left me blindsided. We were both bull-headed at times, but that mostly fueled our sexual chemistry anymore. The sweet stuff, though…it was always unexpected, and I was learning to take advantage of it when it occurred. It wasn't necessarily rare, but it wasn't a constant thing either. The times he slipped into what I liked to call "Sweet Pete" were special to me.

He squeezed my ass and bit my lip, ending our tender moment. "How about a birthday quickie before we go?"

_Just like that, Sweet Pete is gone and forgotten. Not that I mind this side of him at all…_

I groaned and shoved him away ineffectively, as his arms were locked tightly around me. "Listen, I know you're the birthday prince and all, but I am not going to skip getting you hammered on your twenty-first just to stay in bed for the rest of the night."

"I never said we had to stay in my bed. There's a nice free spot on the wall over there, and my floor is looking pretty lonely, too."

"Oh my gosh," I huffed, rolling my eyes at him. "You're incorrigible. Baby, I promise that you can have me anywhere in this room you want. _Later._ Now come on, the guys are waiting on us."

His hands drifted to the front of my pants, which he pulled slightly as he peered down at the lacy undergarments I had bought for his birthday. "Mmm…I just want to see my present for a minute before we go." After he had his fill, he lifted my shirt and admired the rest of my ensemble. He hummed happily in approval, cupping my breasts and teasing my nipples. "I can't wait to unwrap this."

I laughed, guiding his hands down and righting my shirt. We shared a brief kiss, and I finally broke it to lead us out of the bedroom.

All in all, we had a great time. The three guys and I played pool and darts together, laughing and conversing all the while. We made Peter drink the most ridiculous shots, but he took each one like a champ. He was subjected to cement mixers, motor oil, and three wise men, and he even accepted a muff diver, slurping it enthusiastically as I held the glass between my legs. I denied the whipped cream kiss after that, and he ended up planting a messy smooch on Jasper's cheek instead.

Brady, who wasn't much of a drinker, toughed it out with us as long as he could, but he ended up leaving the bar early, opting to walk home on the icy sidewalks while he still had control of his faculties instead of hanging around and being pressured into drinking more with the rest of us. It was a bummer to see him go, but I felt completely at home with just Peter and Jasper. They were my boys, and I adored them both.

I'm not exactly sure whose idea it was, but after an exciting round of darts, which I happened to win, we decided that ordering twenty shots of tequila at once to share would be a great way to finish off the night. The bartender looked at us skeptically, but we had been tipping her well all evening, so she didn't try to talk us out of it. With a few beers for chasers, we rearranged some stools in a triangle near the bar and got to work.

At first, we were all doing the shots together, laughing and wincing with each one. Peter and I licked salt off various places of each other's bodies, which Jasper was a really good sport about. He didn't mention anything about being the odd man out that night, but I still felt a little guilty for flaunting our "couple antics" in his face.

After a while, the shot taking slowed and we would each take one whenever we felt up for it. Of course, Peter was pressured into doing more than Jasper or me. The bar was scarcely occupied, given the weather, so I didn't mind making a fool of myself. The alcohol helped with that anyway. I set music on the jukebox and danced and sang to it, playing up my ridiculousness to make the boys smile. I could tell that we had all had a fun night, even without the bigger group and nicer bar that I had planned for the celebration. Peter thanked me at least a dozen times, kissing me frequently and whispering progressively dirtier things the later it became in the night.

Two o'clock approached, and we sat in our little cluster of barstools, slowly reducing the ridiculous number of shots that sat on the bar. As each shot glass was emptied and pushed aside, our pile of lemons diminished as well, and salt was strewn all over the bar and floor around us.

Finally, only one shot of tequila remained.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail and handed the salt to Peter, smiling as I tipped my head to the side. "Last one. It's all yours, baby."

Shaking his head and laughing lightly, he took the salt and leaned forward to slowly lick a long, wet line from the base of my neck to my ear. I shivered at the sensation, clutching his knees for balance as he sprinkled salt on me.

When he sat back in his stool, his look of amusement was gone. His eyes squeezed shut tightly, and he held them closed for almost a minute. Jasper and I looked back and forth between each other and Peter, unsure of what to do.

"Peter…are you all right?"

He took a deep breath through his nose, and his face finally relaxed. When his eyes eventually opened, the blue I loved was obscured by the telltale signs of drunkenness; they were watery, red-rimmed, and tired.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he nodded, but then he picked his hand up and made the cutthroat gesture in front of himself. "I'm done, though. One more shot and I'll be puking."

"Ahh, come on," Jasper goaded him, "you can handle it."

"No way," Peter said, smiling again. "I know what Bella's wearing under these clothes, and I plan to see it tonight. You take it for me, J." As he spoke, he pulled my stool a little closer to his, running his hands up the outside of my thighs and past my hips. When his fingertips brushed under my sweater to meet skin, I arched toward him. The reaction itself was involuntary, but I couldn't deny that I was just as drunk and horny as Peter seemed to be.

"Awesome," Jasper teased sarcastically. "I'll make sure to leave the TV on tonight so I don't have to hear the show."

I turned toward him and rolled my eyes. "Come on, do you know how many times I've endured, 'Oh Jazzy, oh, oh oh!'?" I mocked, throwing my hand over my chest and moaning dramatically.

The guys both laughed. Peter squeezed me teasingly, and Jasper suddenly looked ready to fire something back at me. I stared at him and waited.

"You joke about it, but I'm sure that provided a nice little soundtrack to your diddling sessions after you read the word porn Peter sent you everyday for the first half of the semester."

Peter laughed harder, but I gasped, my mouth hanging open in shock. "First of all, _diddle_? Where do you come up with this shit? And we _never_ sent…word porn!" I choked the last two words out, half disgusted and half amused by the suggestion.

Jasper looked at me skeptically. "Peter?"

"No comment," he smiled, raising his hands up defensively.

I slapped his chest, but I was still smiling. "You're a jerk."

Jasper laughed once more and shrugged. "Whatever. That was all foreplay, no matter what you two call it."

I just shook my head at both of them, but inside I was so happy. Even though our plans for Peter's birthday had been a bust, I knew that we all still had a great time. I could pretend to dislike their teasing and boyish ways, but I loved spending time with these guys.

"Okay, this portion of the conversation is officially over. Whatever happens in our respective bedrooms is no longer open for questions or comments," I said authoritatively.

"What about the stuff that happens outside of the bedroom?" Peter asked, winking at me.

"Or in the shower?" Jasper added.

"Enough!" I gave both of them a little shove, then tapped the bar near Peter. "Honey, can you grab me a napkin please? If you're not going to take that shot, I want to wipe this salt off."

"No wait," he said, and I saw some unidentifiable mischief playing in his eyes. "Jasper, you're up," he said, picking up the final glass of tequila and handing it to our friend. Jasper took it in one hand and licked his other wrist, holding it out for one of us to sprinkle salt over it.

I reached for the salt shaker, but Peter grabbed my arm, stopping me. "What?" I asked skeptically.

"All the salt you need is right here," he said, pulling me from my barstool and placing me on his lap facing Jasper. "Have at it, buddy."

"Whoa there…what are you doing?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious and nervous about this suggestion. Peter was pretty hammered at this point, and I didn't want anything to happen that he would regret in the morning. But before I could say anything else, he stuck a lemon wedge in front of my lips, silently instructing me to hold it with my teeth.

I watched Jasper's eyes as he looked over my shoulder, having some kind of silent conversation with Peter. After a few moments, he nodded and stood from his stool to get closer.

"Don't worry, Bella, I won't bite," he said in husky whisper. His lips were so close to my ear that his breath tickled me, causing my back to stiffen against Peter's chest. A few seconds later, I felt his tongue on my skin. For some reason, it felt especially hot and especially wet…and very slow. Peter held my waist the entire time, rubbing little circles on my back with his thumbs. Jasper's tongue flicked over my ear before he pulled away. It was so light that it seemed accidental, but I still had the feeling it wasn't. I watched Jasper quickly swallow the shot, then he was in front of me again, coming to get his lemon. He was so close that I could smell his cologne mixed with the scent of fresh lemon below my nose, and it was a heady combination. Instead of just taking the wedge from my mouth, he bit into it and pulled, extracting the fruit from the rind and folding his lips around it. His lips brushed against mine, just like his tongue had on my ear, and I could feel myself breathing rapidly at the contact.

Then it was over.

Jasper smirked haughtily, chewing his lemon while Peter whooped for him. They reached around me for a high five, and I continued to stare wide-eyed at Jasper.

_What the fuck just happened?_

Before I could question the situation, Peter tugged the remainder of the lemon from my lips and kissed my cheek. "You are so damn sexy," was all that he whispered. The next thing I knew, he was turning me toward him, and I complied, accepting his eager kiss as we wound ourselves together. We didn't stop until I felt a thump against Peter's back.

"Come on, birthday boy," Jasper said lightly. "Let's hit the restroom and head home since we're done drinking. I wouldn't want to keep you two from your birthday sex."

"_Jealous_," I coughed, looking away and then shooting Jasper a teasing smile. He shook his head and returned it with one of his sweet, wide grins, and I tried not to stare at his lips. It had been one crazy, fucked up, fun night. That's for damn sure.

It took us quite a while to make such a short walk back to the guys' apartment, but the trip home wasn't without a bit of entertainment. Being the gentlemen they are, Peter and Jasper walked on either side of me, allowing me to hook my arms through theirs. After only a few steps, we all realized that Peter was by far the drunkest of all and needed the support more than me. I moved him to the middle, and Jasper and I wound our arms around him, fighting to keep him on his feet with the wind, ice, and snow added to his wobbly condition.

We got Peter to his bedroom, and Jasper left the rest to me. "Have fun, you two," he said, turning to leave. "Happy birthday, Pete."

Alone at last, my horniness regained control of my body and my actions, and Peter and I worked in a frenzy to tear off each other's clothes. Our kissing was wild, and we knocked teeth at least three times in our rush to disrobe and devour one another. That brought about a lot of laughter and silly conversation, but it didn't stop us.

Peter's pants were tossed to one side of the room and I think mine ended up on the other. My sweater knocked over the reading lamp, but we didn't bother to pick it up. Before long, Peter was naked, sitting on the floor for some reason, and I was standing over him in my lacy lingerie and one sock.

"Gimme," he said, reaching for my leg and grinning up at me. I held out my foot unsteadily as he tugged off my sock and discarded it. When he beckoned me down to him, I refused, curling my finger in a _come hither_ gesture.

"You want to unwrap your last present, big boy?" I teased with a sway of my hips.

"Fuck. Yes."

I smiled mischievously and moved away from him. "Then you'd better come get me!" With that, I darted across the room, and I heard Peter scramble to stand behind me.

He chased me around the room, over the bed, and back toward his dresser until I was trapped. I hoped to God that Jasper had put on the television as he said he would because our laughter and my shrieks were far too loud to be mindful of a roommate.

"Gotcha!" Peter proclaimed, pinning me to the wall. I wrapped my arms around him without a fight any longer, and we resumed kissing. The pace was slower this time, but still hard and desperate. His hands slid up my spine, leaving goose bumps across my flesh as he moved toward my bra clasp. He guided it over my arms to discard it, dipping down to kiss the swell of my breasts and work his way lower.

"I like this present," he said as I clutched his hair between my fingers. "Two for the price of one."

I laughed at him, lightly smacking his shoulder in response.

My bottoms were then pushed down, and I shimmied to allow them to fall down my legs, kicking them off when they reached my ankles. Peter's hands found my ass then, and I jumped up to straddle his waist.

"Are you having a good birthday?" I asked as his fingers angled to tease me. He wobbled, and I became nervous about this position while we were both so hammered. I didn't mind the fumbling drunken sex, but I didn't want to get hurt unnecessarily.

"So good…" he murmured, moving to position himself to enter me.

We both had a moment of realization at the same time.

"Baby, wait-"

"Fuck…condom."

I unwound my legs and dropped them to the floor carefully so that he could retrieve what we needed. I moved to follow him toward the bed, but he told me to stay put. He rolled the rubber on, tossing the wrapper haphazardly to the floor, and then he came back.

"I want to get a good look at my present while I play." He spoke directly into my ear, his voice gravely and brimming with sex. He led me to his dresser and spun me around so that we were both facing the mirror.

He seemed to tower over me as I smiled at his reflection. His body was tall and broad compared to mine, and I loved how he looked like he could wrap himself around me like a warm, comforting blanket. His eyes showed no interest in being cozy at the moment, though.

"Hands on the dresser."

I did as I was told, and he immediately pushed my legs apart, rubbing himself against me. After spreading my arousal enough for easy entrance, he slid into me, filling me in the most amazing way from his position. He had to bend his knees, and I found myself naturally standing on my tiptoes and pushing back toward him to make up for the height difference, but we made it work somehow.

"God, you feel so good, Angel," he growled, sucking my shoulder and digging his fingers in my hips. I accepted each of his thrusts with an uncontrollable, high pitched cry, slurring his name and other terms of endearment at he drove us both to our peaks.

Watching our display in the mirror made the moment so much more intense. Peter's brow was furrowed in concentration, and when he wasn't kissing me, his mouth hung open, emitting his own moans and grunts. His hands were everywhere, always grabbing and angling to make it better, however he could.

I leaned forward, laying my forearms and head against the dresser when I couldn't take any more. I was practically screaming for him, and when he hit the right spot with just the right amount of pressure, I arched my back and held my breath until my body relaxed enough to regain my compose.

Peter pulled me back up so that I could watch us once more. "I love seeing you fall apart like that," he said. I lifted one hand over my head, grasping the back of his neck to keep him close to me. His face grew hard and focused a few minutes later, and I watched in awe and pleasure as he pounded me harder, seeking his own release. He slid his hand to where we met, rapidly stroking my clit as he mumbled about coming soon.

His entire body when rigid, and he squeezed one of my breast hard as the other hand continued to assault my sensitive nerves. That was all it took for the pressure to spike again, sending me toppling against the dresser once more.

He collapsed on my back as he had a tendency of doing when we were in similar postions, and for several minutes we stayed that way, still connected as we leaned on the dresser panting to catch our breath. I sighed when he stood and slipped out of me. A few minutes later, we were settled for bed, and we curled up close to one another.

"Happy birthday, honey bunny," I whispered into his chest.

He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. "Best one ever."

"I'm glad. Good night."

"Good night."

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**E/N: Yeah, it's shorter than usual, but the next chapter should make up for that. If you're not familiar with any of the shots Peter had to do, you should google them. They're gross. Well, not the muff diver, that one is just silly.**

**I have an entry in the FML contest, if you'd like to read. It's called _A Slip Down Memory Lane._ Voting begins Thursday.  
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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****As always, these characters belong to SM, but this story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. Chele681 is a fucktabulous beta & she takes wonderful care of Sweet Pete for me. **

**In case you missed it, I wrote an AU-outtake that can only be found on my blog/story archive: sweetdulci(dot)blogspot(dot)com . It's slashy, 3some fun for all you pervy h00rs =)**

**Follow me on twitter: SweetDulci  
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PeterPOV**

"Bella, there's something we need to talk about."

"Angel, I have to tell you something."

"Babe, you're not going to like this, and I hate it too, but..."

"So you know how everyone has to do an internship for their major before they graduate?"

"Mother fuck..." I groaned, staring at myself in the mirror and rubbing my hands over my face roughly.

"This sucks."

Was I some adolescent kid nervous about asking a girl to his first dance? One would think so, given my ridiculous nerves over the situation and the way I was talking to myself. I just didn't want to ruin anything.

Despite the slow start, junior year had been great. Being with Bella had been the major reason for that. We weren't perfect, but she made me so damn happy. It was as if the crazy sexual energy that flowed between us eclipsed everything else, always providing us with a common ground when we disagreed. I had never imagined I could feel so on fire for one person, but she definitely lit me up.

Christmas break was torturous, going from a constant onslaught of sex and fun with my baby girl to not having her with me for weeks. After a great deal of begging, she had canceled her annual New Years Eve plans with her high school friends and came up to my hometown to spend the night with me. It was completely selfish on my part, though; if she hadn't agreed, I would have ditched my friends to crash her party in Seattle.

Once the spring semester began, we fell back into our routine, and things had been great. Even though it felt like we were addicted to one another, we found a healthy balance to spend time with other friends, get our school and club work done, and fit in private time.

Unfortunately, there was a good chance I was about to ruin all of that. I couldn't exactly change the circumstances, though. With my double major in International Business and Spanish, I needed to spend a semester abroad in order to complete my language requirements. I had procrastinated about making those arrangements, and I was informed by my advisor, in no uncertain terms, that I had to make a decision immediately after Spring Break. Tomorrow, my friends and I were leaving for Puerto Vallarta; expectations for this trip were high, and I didn't want to ruin it with a potentially tense conversation with Bella.

Nevertheless, a decision had to be made. Would I go for the first semester and interrupt a relationship that was less than a year old, or should I do it the second semester and miss out on the end of senior year with all my friends? Going for the fall semester would also mean foregoing my final soccer season, which I didn't want to do, but the spring always held a lot of big events and parties for upcoming graduates. It was a lose/lose situation. However, I didn't want to beat myself up over it to the point that I wouldn't enjoy the time abroad; it was a fantastic chance to experience a different culture and learn things I never could at home.

A loud bang on my bedroom door pulled me out of my thoughts and back to the present. "You ready for class, dude?" Jasper called out to me.

"Be out in a minute."

Grabbing my book bag and wallet, I met Jasper in the hall.

"Last class before vacation," he said happily, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. His expression promptly froze as he really noticed me. "What's up, Peter?"

Exhaling loudly, I shrugged. "I'm excited; don't get me wrong. I just really need to make a fucking decision about Spain."

"You haven't talked to Bella yet?" His tone was concerned, but I could see in his eyes that he disapproved of the way I had put off this important discussion.

I merely shook my head, unwilling to admit it with words.

"You're just fucking yourself. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed. "I know."

"Don't make it harder than it needs to be," he said encouragingly. "You decide what is more important to you, and you go with that. End of story."

"I know, man, but I don't think it would be so black and white if you were in my head. There's soccer, Bella, friends, and a whole bunch of other shit."

Taking a step closer, Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes seriously. "Trust me, brother, I get it. We've talked about this, but the time for discussion is over. You chose this major knowing that you'd need to go abroad before graduating, and even though it blows that you didn't think about sports and girls and shit, you still have to do it. Everything will work out fine in the long run, though."

With one final clap against my arm, he turned and led us out the door to class. I knew I wouldn't find any more sympathy from Jasper, no matter how good of friends we were.

Facing Bella with this would be tough. Realistically speaking, she had to realize that it would be coming. It wasn't a secret that language majors traveled junior or senior year. Since I obviously hadn't gone this year, it should have been a given. Then again, Bella was always busy with classes, sorority stuff, Student Alumni Association, and all the other clubs she participated in, so it could have easily been something she hadn't realized. If that were the case, I couldn't fault her for it. Then again, she could have been putting off the inevitable the same way I had.

Jasper was right. The only way to figure it out was to just _deal with it._

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm so excited!" Bella squealed, bouncing on the balls of her feet and clapping her hands together like a little child. The smile on her face was blissful and gorgeous, and I couldn't resist the urge to bend down and press my lips against hers.

"I know, sweet thing. I am too," I murmured against the corner of her mouth. My lips lingered on her cheek, drifting back toward her ear. I tucked my nose beneath her hair, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the woman I was so gloriously familiar with. A playful shove from behind interrupted my reverie.

"Get a move on, lovebirds! The line is moving!" Alice chirped. I glared at her over my shoulder, but she knew I wasn't serious. Adjusting my carry on bag on my shoulder, I grasped Bella's hand and ushered us down the tunnel to board our plane.

After the standard pre-flight instructions and safety information, we were settled in our seats and the plane was in the air. Nestled closely to Bella, I knew that a seven hour flight was a good opportunity to talk. It could also be a recipe for disaster if things didn't go well.

We bantered back and forth for a while about our midterms we had completed prior to this trip, and we shared about other trips we knew our friends were taking for Spring Break. There were fifteen in our group going to Puerto Vallarta, though we weren't all on the same flight. Six of us were heading out today, and the rest would arrive tomorrow.

Eventually, our conversation transitioned into what we were looking forward to during our week away.

"The food."

"The tequila," I quipped back.

"Body shots," she replied immediately, squeezing my thigh.

"Touché. Dancing with you in some hot, sweaty club."

Bella groaned softly, obviously enjoying that idea. A mischievous glint sparked in her deep brown eyes, and she leaned closer to me. "Drunk, horny Peter and no classes to interrupt..." Her hot breath fanned against my ear, causing me to shiver. "...for a week straight," she added huskily.

I turned, kissing her firmly and looking at her with a wide smile. "You in a bikini every day."

She nodded and smiled back at me. "You speaking Spanish to the locals."

This was not a great direction for our conversation when we had many more hours left on our flight, but what she said reminded me of more important matters to discuss.

"Hey," I said, pulling away and looking at her seriously. "There's actually something along those lines that I wanted to talk about."

"Speaking Spanish?" she asked skeptically.

"Not exactly," I hedged. "For my Spanish major, I'm supposed to do a semester abroad." My words had been slow, and I looked at Bella carefully, waiting for her reaction.

"When?" She suddenly looked pale and distant. I hated that it was my doing.

"Next year sometime."

"Oh."

My blood ran cold. _Oh_? That's all she had to say? I had absolutely no idea what that meant. Thankfully, she saved me from my mental torture and continued before I could say anything.

"So what does that mean?"

"About what?" I asked.

She turned her face away from me, staring out the window and breathing deeply. "I don't... What do you..." she paused and looked back at me for only a fraction of a second, as though she was searching for something. Her eyes quickly darted away again. "I'm not going to assume, you know?"

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I don't think I understand what you're saying. I mean, I completely get it if you're mad at me for not talking to you about this sooner-"

"I'm not mad," she said immediately, cutting me off. "I'm...confused."

"What are you confused about?"

"Ugh," she grunted in frustration. "I don't know! This. Us. If you're leaving, what are we doing? What's going to happen?" she said anxiously. She was finally looking directly at me, and her pained expression as she spoke hurt me as well.

Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I tugged her toward me and nuzzled her hair. "Angel, do you think I'd want to break up with you when I go?"

"I don't know," she mumbled while shrugging.

"Hell no. It's not like that at all."

"Then why haven't you told me before now?"

"I have a knack for doing that with you, don't I?" I cringed at my realization. Why was I always so stupid about sharing important things with her? I didn't want to hide anything, but it was just how it always seemed to happen. "Listen, I don't want to go. I do, of course, because it's a really great opportunity and all, but the thought of leaving you kills me."

"It does?" she sniffled, and I realized then that tears were welling in her eyes.

"Yes, Bella. I know it's months away, but I hope we'll still be together then. Unfortunately, I have to go, and it doesn't matter how much I avoid talking about it or making plans. Being away from you for three months is going to suck."

"Technically, there won't be any sucking going on while you're away. If there is, I'll have to kick your ass." And just like that she showed me that my reassurance had been exactly what she needed.

"Fuuuuuck," I groaned in her ear, hugging her a little closer. Speaking so softly that only she could hear, I decided that turnabout was fair play. "Bella, I think we'd both be better off if we avoid discussing any more forms of sucking while we're on the plane. We have at least another five hours, and I'm already tempted to throw a blanket over us and attack you."

"Can we at least do this?" she asked, connecting our lips once more. It wasn't short or chaste that time; her mouth stayed on mine, working her teeth and tongue into it, and reminding me how lucky I was to have her. My fingers threaded into her hair naturally, touching her in a way I knew she loved, but I also needed. She was my lifeline every time I thought I was drowning.

After a few minutes, we both understood that our PDA probably wouldn't be appreciated by all the other passengers on the plane, so we reluctantly parted. Gazing at her, I stroked her cheek and ran my thumb over her lips.

"Don't hide shit from me," she whispered, her lip moving against my fingers. "We have to communicate. If anything, that has always been our biggest problem. I don't want there to be problems, baby."

"I know. I'm sorry." I rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes and inhaling the aroma of sandalwood and vanilla that permeated her skin. The combination of her scent and her touch brought me the peace I needed. Without speaking, I reached into my bag and pulled out a few items. I turned on my iPod and shared one of my earbuds with her, and then I gave her the choice of a couple books we had selected together for the trip. We settled into comfortable silence reading and listening to music. A little while later, Bella's book slipped from her grasp and I stowed it in the seat pocket in front of her. Her neck flopped to the side, so I gently angled it to lean on my shoulder as she rested.

~*~*~*~*~*~

There was no Mile High Club action on that trip, but I was honestly okay with that. Bella and I may have been wild in bed together, but screwing in a cramped, stinky lavatory was not my idea of fun, nor was being banned from an airline for fooling around under a blanket. We more than made up for it that week in Puerto Vallarta, though, living up to our flirtatious banter on the trip there. I honestly didn't know it was possible to have that much sex in a single week, but we were like rabbits, for lack of a better description. I'm fairly certain that every trip we made back to our hotel room between the beach, sight-seeing, going out to eat, or clubbing involved some form of fooling around. Despite our disinterest in fucking on an aircraft, we did manage a couple public encounters; one occurred, unsurprisingly, in the ocean, and the other was during a jungle tour that we had slipped away from. All in all, it was the greatest vacation I had ever had, and it wasn't just because of all the intimate moments. Being there with Bella - seeing and experiencing all those beautiful things with her - was unforgettable. It was a trip that our group of friends continued to talk about for months.

After a series of long discussions on the last couple days and the trip home, Bella and I agreed that going to Spain during the first semester of senior year would be the best option. Although she helped me make the decision, and it _did_ have a bit to do with her, it was ultimately my choice. She repeatedly told me that my opinion was much more important than hers, even though I _really_ wanted her input. The greatest factor was being able to spend my final months of school with my friends and Bella, as I had ruminated over for a very long time. It would also be a weight off my shoulders; I could get that final requirement over with and then return to school to finish off a few easier, elective courses. Missing soccer would suck, but considering what a popular sport it was in that country, I assumed that there would be opportunities for casual play, at the least.

As the remainder of the semester dwindled, some other unexpected plans came into play.

"So, I had this idea," Alice said one quiet Sunday afternoon as we were all finishing up a late brunch at the girls' apartment. Our plates had been pushed away and were lazily picked at as we sipped our coffee and talked.

"What kind of idea?" Jasper asked casually. I glanced at Bella, gauging her reaction. Her nod to Alice quickly answered my question of whether she knew what this was about. She definitely did, but she revealed nothing to me.

Alice smiled and sat up confidently, apparently preparing for her speech. "Well, Bella and I were looking at some cheaper apartment options for next year. We've been trying to find someplace that won't cost quite as much as we're paying now, but on the other hand, we don't want to move into some dump, either." She paused, taking a deep breath and smiling before the next part poured out of her mouth. "So, yeah, I came across this one place that I think would be really, really awesome, and that got me to thinking about what you guys are going to do next year since there's the whole Spain thing. I mean, are you going to keep your apartment? Is Jasper going to have to find a new roommate for a semester? And then what would happen if that didn't work out and Jasper had to get a new roommate? I mean, I really like having you around, Peter, and I don't want Jasper living with some asshole who doesn't get our routines and stuff, and..."

"Whoa, Alice. Stop!" I said with a laugh. My hands were held up in front of me to signal her to calm down, but I was pretty confused. Jasper's face seemed to be a mirror of my own, so I asked her to clarify.

"Okay, okay. The thing is, I found this really great place that is actually just a couple blocks from here. The rent would be less than our two rents combined, so practically speaking, it would be a great financial option for all four of us, you know?"

Jasper's hand slapped on the table, louder than he intended, I assumed from the look of surprise on his face. He mumbled an apology, then looked intently at his girlfriend. "You're saying that you want the four of us to live together?"

I gulped. _Living together?_ I wasn't sure that was such a great idea.

"Well, why not?" Alice asked innocently.

"Alice..." Bella cautioned, and when I finally met her deep brown eyes, I saw her disappointment in our reactions. Guilt washed over me, and I reached for Bella's hand.

"I think you've just caught us both by surprise, you know?" I interjected. "Why don't you...tell us more?"

That seemed to provide Alice with a little relief and hope, and I watched as Jasper tugged her out of her chair and readjusted his own so that she could slide into his lap. She angled herself so that she could look up at Jasper and see Bella and me as well. I gave Bella's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It's a three bedroom apartment," Alice began. Her voice had returned to its confident tone, and I was glad that her unease had been dispelled. "Technically, there could be four rooms because the main living area has vaulted ceilings and there's an upstairs loft. It doesn't have complete privacy, but I mean, we could each have our own space, right?"

Bella perked up beside me. "Or depending on other situations or arrangements or whatever, it can be another lounge area or study space or something...if we don't...I mean...use it as a bedroom." Glancing in my girl's direction, I saw her bottom lip nestled apprehensively between her teeth, and I instinctively reached over to stop her nervous habit. She kissed my thumb lightly and smiled at me, and I couldn't help but return that smile to her.

"I love it."

My head whipped toward Jasper upon hearing his sudden approval, and I found him nodding and pressing a kiss against Alice's temple. She was radiant from his reaction.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking at him.

"Sure, why not?" he said easily. It was times like these that I loved and hated Jasper's easy going attitude at the same time. "We'll have to check it out and figure out how to convince our parents to go for the co-ed housing thing, but I'm game if you are, Peter."

"I..."

"Peter?" Bella asked quietly, and I could feel her eyes on me.

I really didn't know how to respond. They all seemed so confident about it, but I just...wasn't. Realistically speaking, I was with Bella at some point every day anyway, and the same could be said for Jasper and Alice. The rent would be cheaper, as Alice mentioned, and in the fall, Jasper wouldn't have to mess around with any roommate issues. I would have guaranteed housing when I moved back, not to mention the easy access to my girlfriend. But that was also the problem. Jasper and Alice had been together since sophomore year. On the other hand, Bella and I had only been together since last semester, and no matter how close we had become, that still wasn't very long. Would we have separate bedrooms, or would we share one? What would that mean for our relationship? I liked Bella a whole fuck of a lot, and maybe my feelings ran deeper than that, but this felt like a huge step.

"Let's...check out the details," I finally responded. That was the best answer I could give for the time being. It wasn't a _yes_, but it also wasn't _no_.

A little while later, Jasper and Alice went to our apartment, leaving Bella and I alone in her bedroom. She slid up against me in her bed, tangling our legs together in the way she knew I loved, and her fingers spread across my face.

"I love these blue eyes, you know?"

"Oh yeah?" I smiled at her, pushing my hands into her hair and enjoying the feeling of the silky strands between my fingers.

"Yeah," she grinned. "I like the way you look at me. You make me feel special...whole... I feel like you really _see_ me."

Touched by her tender words, I tilted forward until our lips touched. It was a simple kiss, but it was enough in that moment. "I do see you, Angel."

She sighed, snuggling against me further and remaining silent for a long time. The quiet moments we shared were important to me. I didn't really know how to describe the way they made me feel, but they were _good_. I could relax and feel whole, just as she said, when we were like this. I also meant what I told her about really seeing her because it was the same way for me. There was just something shared between us that didn't need to make sense because it just _was_. The more I thought about the peace, comfort, and happiness Bella brought me just by being herself, the more I realized that this moving in together idea would be okay. The decision wasn't something that needed to be discussed; _this_ was what I needed to work it out in my head - to be close to Bella, to hear, feel, and smell her all around me.

As if sensing my resolution, she spoke. We had probably been lying there in silence for thirty or forty minutes, not asleep, but both quiet until she initiated conversation again.

"I think it's a really great idea," she said sweetly. "I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but I feel good about this. And I feel good about us, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," I replied, kissing her forehead. "Plus, you and I are both going to be here for summer sessions anyway, and it would be stupid to waste the money on two places."

"Really?"

"Uh huh," I hummed.

"And Alice will be here for the final summer session. She only has one class, so she's going to wait until August."

Surprisingly, I was quite at ease with all of it. It was true that Bella and I would need to remain near campus for the summer. She had credits to make up from transferring last year, and I had a few to get out of the way before Spain as well, including my Conversational Spanish course I would be doing as a refresher before the trip.

"We can each take a room," she added. "We've both got bedroom furniture, but Alice doesn't. Our apartment came furnished with bedroom sets, but I put the twin bed from my room in our storage closet to fit my queen. I think she's eyeing the master suite for her and Jasper anyway. Big closet and all," she added with a soft giggle.

"We can figure it all out later, right?"

"Right."

"Good," I agreed, holding her against me before I forced myself to roll away and pull out our book bags so that we could get some work done for the coming week. Finals would hit us before we knew it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Things were not flawless or without stress, but everything seemed to work itself out in its own time. Jasper and I both loved the apartment Alice had found, and we didn't hesitate to sign the lease when it was offered to us. When the semester ended, we moved our belongings out of our respective apartments and consolidated them in our new place. As expected, Jasper and Alice took the master bedroom, which was fine with me. I had heard stories from Bella, and it was better him than me having to share a bathroom with Alice.

Bella and I each had our own rooms, but mine was really just the place where I kept my stuff...and where we went to have sex when we were in the mood for the mirrors. Upon Bella's request, I put the large, mirrored dresser directly across from the bed so that it faced the mirrored headboard. She was right; it was a spectacular arrangement.

The summer passed faster than I wanted, with Jasper coming and going throughout the warmer months when he didn't have to work. He could have stayed at the apartment all summer, but I presumed that his reasoning for home basing from his parents' place was twofold. It kept them happy to have him around so often, and he gave Bella and I some extended private time before my three months away.

When our final day together arrived, we were both tired and weighed down by our mutually solemn attitude. We had spent the last five days together in my hometown, saying goodbye and appeasing my family before I left. It had been wonderful to have her there with me and introduce her to everyone, but all the socializing was exhausting. We returned home that morning to tie up our loose ends and have our last hints of privacy before she drove me to the airport early the next day. I was going to be in airports and on planes for a long damn time.

Bella made me an awesome breakfast, which we enjoyed together in bed, feeding each other small bites. Afterward, we took a long, steaming shower together before heading out for a walk around campus and through a nearby park. It was a lucky sunny day, and I was grateful to spend it with her. The day progressed with lazy activities between my final triple and quadruple checks of all my luggage, and we eventually ended up at a fancy Asian fusion restaurant on the water. The dinner was amazing, but I was more anxious to get home and just spend some time holding my girl before I had to let her go for far too long. I tried to soothe myself with reassuring words in my head, but it was all useless. I was going to miss her no matter what.

Wordlessly, our clothes began to drop as soon as we entered our apartment and closed the door. We left the discarded garments in a trail to Bella's bedroom, and when we got there, we simply fell into bed, holding our naked bodies together. I relished the feeling of her warm, soft flesh smashed against mine and the thumping of her heart in her chest. I wouldn't have this for three months, and that was nearly criminal in my book.

"God, you feel so good, just like this," she spoke softly, rolling us so that I lay on top of her. "I'm going to miss how wonderful your weight feels on me, pressing me into the bed."

"Damn, Bella..." I moaned, shifting my body against hers and kissing her firmly. We continued that way for several minutes, showing our affection in that simple action, but not allowing our bodies to get too far ahead yet.

Eventually, naturally, our hands and mouths roamed, studying and worshiping one another. I did all the things I loved doing to her and all the things I would miss. As much as I needed to savor her one final time before our separation, I also wanted to give Bella as many great memories of me - of us - as possible. We took our time, savoring and enjoying the things we could do to one another and the pleasure we received from bringing the other to our highest peaks. When we were finally to the point where we just needed to come together and make the deepest physical connection we could, it was slow and reverent. Bella sat over me, sliding down my length until I was nestled deeply inside her perfect body. She rolled her hips over me, satisfying us both as I memorized her breasts, her stomach, her shoulders, and anywhere else I could reach with my hands. They eventually traveled over her back, coming to rest on the roundness of the lovely ass I adored and guiding her movements.

It was all so good, but it wasn't enough. I needed to feel _more_. Fumbling to sit upright, I tugged her closer as our legs found working positions. Her chest was in my face, and I took advantage of our proximity, swirling my tongue around her tightened nipples as she rocked in my lap.

"Oh...Peter..." she cried, and my name never sounded sweeter on her lips. "That's so good, baby. Oh god, I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Keep talking, sweet angel. Let me hear you," I begged. Shifting purposefully, I hit a spot inside her warm body that made us both gasp and tense in pleasure. Suddenly, the slow, intimate sex wasn't enough. I needed to stake my claim, mark my territory, and leave my imprint on her.

Freezing my motions, I lifted her off my lap and climbed from the bed, tugging her with me. I turned her so that she was facing the bed, but I kept her back flush against my chest. "No declarations," I whispered huskily, tickling my lips over her ear. She pressed her ass into me, reaching for my cock. "I don't want to say anything just because I'm leaving. No promises, nothing rash," I finished, tracing my tongue behind her ear and sucking hard on the same spot. I craved this intensity with her, but everything I said was serious. There was absolutely no way I wanted either of us to become overly emotional to the point that we said or did things that would make my departure more difficult. In that moment, all I wanted was to be with my Angel and make her scream. Sucking harder, I knew I was going to leave a dark mark behind her ear, but I didn't care; I wanted it.

"Anything, baby...anything," she panted, reaching her arms back and holding my head against her neck. "Fuck, Peter...I'm going crazy. I need you."

"Tell me what you need," I urged. "Let me hear that sexy, dirty little mouth." It was so selfish and pushy of me, but I knew she would do whatever I asked to have me back inside her, and I needed this material to get through the next few months. My hands drifted over her stomach, meeting at the juncture of her thighs to tease and encourage.

She took a hard, shaking breath, and I felt her lungs fill and expel against my chest. Every inch of her felt like fire on my skin. "Fuck...fuck me," she panted needfully.

I couldn't make her beg any longer; _I _couldn't maintain that teasing. Shoving her away from me, I pushed until her hands met the mattress, but she remained standing. I parted her thighs with my knee, holding the base of my cock to guide myself back into her. She gasped and writhed when I filled her once more, releasing a rhythmic series of high pitched _ahs_ with each deep thrust I made. Her hips were my reins, and I held on tightly, probably bruising her in the process. I fucked my girl frantically, pushing away all the negativity and longing I felt about leaving her. This felt fucking amazing, but it was also cathartic...for both of us.

Bella's climax came long before I was ready, but I wasn't really surprised. She always came fast and fierce when I took her from behind, and despite the fact that we were not face to face, it was never any less intimate for either of us. This time, however, I was not finished. I flipped her back onto the bed, arranging her body beneath mine as I kissed her passionately. We connected for the third time in this extended encounter, and my pace fell somewhere between that of our previous two positions. This was not slow and enduring, nor was it hard and needful. It was a display of heartfelt emotions, opening ourselves and sharing one final time.

My biceps shook, even as I rested my weight against my forearms, and I eventually collapsed upon her, still thrusting and moving my hips in time with her responsive movements. It became too much, and as fervently as I wanted to continue kissing her, I simply could not. My concentration focused on one specific task, causing my forehead to rest roughly against hers. I was grunting and groaning without inhibition, trying to speak my affections to Bella, but only able to form incoherent sounds. Her legs tightened around my waist, constricting my movement and holding me firmly against her. Still, my hips slammed, regardless of the decreased range of motion. When her fingernails dug painfully into my shoulder blades and scratched down my back, marking me, I couldn't take any more.

"Bella...Bella...fuck, Angel..."

"Right there, baby. Just a little harder."

I shoved her impossibly deeper into the bed, folding my arms around her back and squeezing her into a climax induced bear hug.

Eventually, her nails released from my skin, leaving behind a sharp burning sensation that she soothed with sweet caresses over the marks. I unwillingly unwound our limbs, carefully extricating my body from hers and freeing her from my oppressive weight.

We took the time we needed to clean up and find our way back to bed together, but no words were necessary for the rest of the evening. We lay face to face, studying one another and selfishly taking all the last minute touches we could. Even as she drifted off to sleep, I stayed awake. Bella was so peaceful in my arms, and I cherished this view of her, not because she was glorious and naked for me, but because she was so goddamn beautiful when the serenity of sleep framed her entire being.

I couldn't bear to take my eyes off Bella, even for a moment, so I fought sleep until late in the night - or early in the morning, depending how you look at it - when I finally lost the battle, slipping under the veil of unconsciousness.

In my dreams, we _did_ make declarations. In my dreams, I never left. In my dreams, Bella came on my trip with me.

In my dreams, everything was so much less complicated.

* * *

**E/N: I've never been to Spain or Puerto Vallarta. Have you???**

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3/31 update: My plans to write the next chapter have been pushed back for several reasons. I wrote a few other pieces, and now I'll be going out of town for Easter, so I won't have time to write until I'm back. To hold you over, consider checking out these:

I wrote the 3/26 FFFA over on Twilighted. It's a _Toxic _outtake from their spring break! http://twilighted(dot)net/viewstory(dot)php?sid=4327&chapter=51

I have an entry in the Fun With Your Clothes On contest called _Prince of Crimson Tides. _It is also Peter/Bella, and you can find it in my stories.

Aaaaand, if you're a Jasper/Bella fan, check out my new o/s titled _Giddy Up_. Cowboysper. Nuff said =)


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